I met my Azuma when I was in my final year of school. I wasn’t in any serious relationship then, though plenty of guys were in my DMs trying to get my attention. I had no intention of dating them. Even Azumah was no exception. I didn’t like him during our first encounter because he seemed to be in an intimate relationship with alcohol.
However, as time went on I got to know him better. I realized he was a good person. Eventually, I fell in love with him. All that while, he was patiently wooing me. So I ended up saying yes to his proposal.
A few months into the relationship, I found out I was pregnant. There was no question as to what to do about it. We both agreed to have the baby. Our families got involved and we performed my traditional marriage before the baby was born.
Looking back, I should have cut off contact with all the guys in my DMs when we got married. Most of them were cut off but there was this one guy I kept talking to. There was nothing going on between us. I just enjoyed the attention.
My husband warned me several times to stop entertaining the guy but I didn’t mind him. After all, I was only having fun. Honestly, it was nothing. I have never been unfaithful to Azumah since we got together. I even swore it in his presence so he would know I was telling the truth. He didn’t care. “You don’t think it’s cheating when you are entertaining another man? Your behaviour makes it difficult for me to trust you.”
When I realized how seriously he took the whole thing, I put an end to every communication I had with the guy. Unfortunately, it was a little too late. Maybe if it was left to the two of us alone, we could have gotten past that easily. However, his friends were in the picture. They whispered lies into his ears. Tales of things I supposedly did even though I was innocent. I was even shocked when I heard some of the things they claimed they saw me do.
I cried and denied the accusations but my husband believed them. Sometimes I feel like his friends wanted to hurt him for some reason. And they easily used me to do it because he opened up to them about our issues.
One day, one of the guys told me the names of the people stirring up trouble. I was shocked to learn that my cousin was part of them. I showed my husband the chats and said, “Look, my own blood is part of the people sabotaging us. How can you believe these people over me?” He wasn’t surprised. He even said he already knew.
Even when he comes to realize I was innocent all along, too much damage has been done to our marriage. A lot has changed between us. We now live and work in different regions.
Despite everything, we have two beautiful children. April will mark six years of our marriage, though we’ve never celebrated an anniversary. And now I don’t even know if I can call what we have a marriage.
My husband comes around but only to see the kids. He makes sure I know he is only there for them. Before he comes he would send a text, “I am coming to see my children.” And he only pays attention to them the entire time he is around.
While I am hurt that things are going this way, I am glad he didn’t take out our problems on the kids. He is present for them and takes good care of them. Sometimes when I see him with them I think about how beautiful our family would have been if he didn’t choose to believe his friends’ lies over my truth.
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We planned for three kids, but it appears the two are all we will have. He doesn’t even want to touch me. All the times I tried to initiate intimacy, he rejected me. The last time we did it was over a year ago. He hasn’t spoken about divorce either. We are just in the marriage, living our separate lives. It’s only a few people close to us who know we are having problems.
A lot of people think we are happily married but I am only married in name. Even my relatives don’t know what’s going on. I would have to report my cousin to them if I am going to tell the family. And I fear that might cause problems among members of the family so I am undecided on that.
I Gave Him A Toffee My Pastor’s Wife Gave Me To Say Yes To His Proposal
Apart from not telling my people, I involved Azumah’s older siblings. They spoke to him but nothing changed. I can’t believe this is my life. I started praying against divorce and remarriage as far back as secondary school, but now it appears to be knocking on my door.
I’m still young. I am in my early thirties so I have decided not to sit in misery and rot away. I will do well to focus on raising my children. If he comes back, I will open my arms and welcome him home. If he doesn’t come back and this is my life now, so be it. I’ve learned my lesson the hard way.
— Poka
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Focus on yourself and the kids more. You have grown as a result of recognising your fault. Go to the gym if need be . You can use your anniversary to iron out the difference between you too. You can buy him a gift to show appreciation for being a good father and a good husband. All in all learn to surrender and be submissive to your husband. Keep on praying and trusting in God. With God all things are possible.
Hmmmm. Your story is so touching and st the same time pathetic. My grandma used to tell us back then that if you want to be a wife/husband do so when you are ready not when you want it. You and ur husband probably need therapy or you have a joint family meeting to resolve whatever is going on in your marriage. As for you, you don’t go bout engaging and having conversations with random guys while married. I can tell you for free as a man that it’ll get to a point you’ll wanna see that guy and he will sleep with you. Forget the tlk that you’ve never cheated on your husband cos her are guys who are sleep and sweet talkers. What you need is God to intervene cos you really messed up. Your husband tried to warn you but you failed to listen, he lost it when he decided to believe his friends and cousin over you. What were you expecting?
Sad but a lil bit annoying how women hste accountability. She is annoyed that the man listened to the stories but not questioning her bit of why she entertained some random dude while still married. Men are territorial beings. They hate encroachment. While I sympathise with your situation, its important you learn nature and stick to vows. Ie, Committment.Here, only a higher power can soften the mans heart.
That is why being a married woman, you are no longer on your own both under the control of the man.
I remember vividly you said that, your husband warned you but you wouldn’t listen.
There are some guys that are so quiet and even if you are hurting them they will keep telling you and be smiling that is because they are slow poison, slow to anger for very dangerous when they are angry.
I’m one of them and that is why I know the secret behind it. Once I say no forget about yes because it only take God Grace to change my no to yes, and if I do, that is final.
I pray that God will help you not quite easy on please don’t ever let such happen again.
Pray and try to apologize to and still believe God will touch his heart
Blame yourself for this, he warned you
Remember, cheating is not only about having sex affairs outside. I’m sure that guy u called your friend will be enjoying his life and you’re suffering
Do the needful as soon as possible, inform your family to apologize on your behalf ASAP. prayer alone are not enough