“So where do you live?” I texted her. “Kasoa, you?” came her response. “I live in Akosombo,” I texted back. This is how our conversation began. We met online and had an instant connection. It was surprising that someone I had never met before could make me feel like we belonged together. Judging from the way she responded to my messages, I could tell that she shared my sentiments. Our conversation didn’t continue online for long. We switched to phone calls and it was as if we lived on the phone with each other.

She was unemployed while I have a job, but that did not prevent me from spending time on the phone with her. I knew how much she meant to me so I made time to keep the communication between us flowing. When I finally asked her to be my girlfriend she didn’t hesitate to say yes. Although we hadn’t met each other in person, we were in love. This was what made me believe our love was genuine. It wasn’t something that was influenced by sight and physical presence. It was our souls that connected. Our attraction was not merely physical, it was beyond that. It was in the way she spoke; the rich melodious sound of her voice, and the phrases she used in her speech that were peculiar to her. I loved everything about her.

A few weeks after we started dating, we made arrangements and I went to see her. She lives with her family so I met all of them when I arrived. They welcomed me with warmth and open arms. Her mother, especially, did everything in her power to make me comfortable. I was happy to be loved and accepted by my girlfriend’s family. It was all the encouragement I needed to throw my heart completely into the relationship. After our first meeting, things progressed smoothly. However, the long distance started to take its toll on us. It chipped away at our communication slowly until there was a huge gap in the way we communicated. I made efforts to fix things and get us talking to each other as new lovers would, but she didn’t match my efforts. Even when I wanted to see her, she was unwilling to let it happen.

I would tell her, “I miss you, I want to see you. I am available this weekend so I can make the trip to Kasoa. Is that okay with you?” And my girlfriend would tell me, “No, don’t come. I am not ready to see you yet.” Sometimes she would say, “Some of my family members are visiting from the village. And I don’t want them to see you and get in my business.” Then I would suggest, “If you don’t want me to come to your place then make the trip to Akosombo instead. I will take care of the bills.” That one too, she would give me a reason why she wouldn’t be able to make it. She played this cat-and-mouse game with me for a whole year. I didn’t understand why she was doing that. She didn’t have a job or anything significant occupying her time, yet she acted as if she was too busy running a country, and couldn’t make time for me.

At one point, I asked her, “Are you seeing someone else? Is that why you don’t want to see me?” She got offended, “How can you say that? You know you are the only man in my life.” I asked her again, “So then what is your problem? Is it that you are no longer interested in me? Should we take a break so you can figure out what it is you want?” This lady told me, “No, I don’t need a break. I love you so I’m not going anywhere.” She made all these professions yet her behaviour didn’t change. She spoke to me when she felt like it, and she declined all my attempts to spend time with her.

I got fed up with her behaviour and reported her to her mother. Her mother spoke to her and she promised to change. One day I was there when her mother called me, “My daughter said she is on her way to visit you for the weekend. Let me know when she arrives.” I was confused because my girlfriend didn’t make any arrangements with me. However, I played along and acted as if I was expecting her visit. After the phone call with her mother, I called my girlfriend. She didn’t answer the phone. I called throughout the weekend but she didn’t answer the phone. Her mother called the next Monday, telling me my girlfriend was home safe. Honestly, I was angry but didn’t have the heart to tell her mother that she didn’t spend the weekend with me. So again, I acted as if she was with me.

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Later when I asked her where she went, she couldn’t tell me anything straight. I wasn’t happy but I let it slide. I told myself that we were adults so whatever the problem was, we could resolve it. However, nothing changed in our relationship. This year was two years since we started dating, yet the last time I saw her was the first time I saw her. So I withdrew all my efforts. I stopped texting her, and I stopped calling her. I thought my absence would remind her of what she was missing. Could you believe that for three months my girlfriend didn’t contact me? She didn’t hear from me but she wasn’t concerned. It didn’t even cross her mind that I could be sick or faced with misfortune. She sat back and didn’t reach out to me.

After three months, I realized that I was in the relationship alone. So I decided to move on without saying anything. Just recently I met someone. This new lady ticks all my boxes, and she doesn’t live in Kasoa where seeing her would be a problem. I expressed interest in her and she also said liked me. Before we made our relationship official I told her about my situation with the Kasoa lady. My newfound love understood and told me, “You cannot claim a relationship has ended if no one has officially ended it. So I suggest you call this lady and tell her that it is over between you two. That way she won’t have any reason to come back and cause problems.” It was reasonable advice so I took it.

I called the lady at Kasoa and told her that I have found someone new and that I am moving on. Her only response was, “Okay, I wish you both well.” I thought everything was resolved after that. But it turned out to be different. She called me recently and started crying the moment I answered the call. “What is it?” I asked. Amidst tears, she asked, “So is it true that you have a new girlfriend?” I said yes, and her tears intensified. I became confused so I hung up. I called her later that evening to put everything to rest. She was giving me a lot of reasons as to why she acted horribly toward me for two years. She said she didn’t trust that I was serious about her, and that’s why she didn’t want to commit. Now, she wants me back. “You had your chance but you blew it,” I told her, “Now I am with someone who matches my efforts. I am happy. I won’t leave her for you.”

Every Problem We’ve Had In Our Marriage Had Came From Our Sex Life–Beads Media

She went ahead to involve her mother. Her mother apologized and asked me to give her another chance, but I refused. Now, this Kasoa lady has become a thorn in my flesh. Last week she called me saying, “I am not asking you to leave your new girlfriend, but take me back. I’m comfortable with sharing you with her.” This is the height of her desperation. And I find it very disturbing. Was I wrong in my decision to officially break up with her? Have I moved on too fast? How best can I handle this? Please help me.

–Kuuku

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