I should have known something was off when he said it was too soon to share our wedding invites on social media. I didn’t agree with his thoughts but I respected his concerns. I asked all my friends and family to hold on with the invites until he gave me the green light to share them. After the wedding, I saw that he was acting different. I didn’t know what was wrong but I knew it had to do with his phone or someone on the other end of the phone. It all made sense when I found out later that he was using that period to apologize to another woman he had promised to marry.

I was so hurt. I thought the worst that could happen was finding out that he cheated on me before we got married. If only I knew that was just the tip of the iceberg.

A few months along the line he told me; “Because of the distance from home to work, I think it’s more economical if I spend some days close to work and then come home on specific days.” It wasn’t an idea I supported but he convinced me that it was the best thing for him to do.

In no time, my husband changed the arrangement we made. He said the days he selected would no longer work for him. Basically, he wanted to come home as and when it would favour him. I didn’t agree so it became an issue. He did what he wanted regardless.

On days he came home, he would receive a call within a short time and tell me; “I have something urgent to attend to.” Then he would leave. Even if it happened to be on a Sunday and we were in church. His behaviour was suspicious.

One of his friends also called me one day and asked me to hold on. The next thing I knew, we were on a conference call with another person. He said, “Akua, Mr. T’s wife is on the phone. I told you he is a married man. He is my friend but I don’t support what he is doing. That’s why I told you the truth.”

The lady wept on the phone and apologized. She said he told her he was divorced. When my husband returned home, I sat him down and in tears asked him why he was going about lying about his marital status. This man swore heaven and earth that the lady was rather his friend’s side chic and not his.

Looking at the way things were going, I had to monitor him through his phone. Nothing prepared me for what I found. My husband was living with another woman.

I confronted him and he said it wasn’t true. I had the evidence but he lied straight to my face. After that, he started acting like a changed man. He no longer left home for days. He went to work and came home straight when he closed. All of it lasted for a month. He was back to his old ways in no time.

I have lost count of the times I’ve sat him down and asked, “What is wrong with me? Tell me what you are looking for in those women so that I can change and become the perfect wife for you.” His answer has always been, “I am fine with the way you are.”

While he is doing all this, he doesn’t even contribute financially to the home. I work but there are times when I am financially down. I would ask my husband for financial support and he would tell me, “I don’t have money.” However, I have gone online to see his social media side chics thanking him for buying them lunch and other stuff.

Sometimes I would see these side chics fighting among themselves over him. Whenever I complained, he would get angry and accuse me of cheating on him. This is someone who knows he is the only man I have known as a woman. I wanted to wait until marriage so the first time we did it was on our wedding night. Yet he accuses me of cheating on him with my male friends.

I remember when it took me years to fight a vaginal infection. I thought it was acute Candida but later I found out I was battling with an STD. Had it not been for him where would I have gotten it?

Apart from bringing me infections, he goes about disgracing me. I was there one day when a lady entered my inbox. Her mission was to advise me on how to keep a man. “He said you don’t give him love and peace at home so he lives with a friend and not at home with you,” she said. Meanwhile, the man woke up on the same bed with me that morning.

A few months ago, another one came to my inbox to warn me. “Your husband said he can’t leave you because you take him to juju. If your charms start weakening, you use your children as bait to get him attached to you. Stop doing that,” she cautioned.

There was a night I tried to initiate intimacy, but he didn’t respond. The lady brought it up. Even the message I sent to my husband to express the pain of his rejection came up. She told me, “You see that he doesn’t want to touch you? Advise yourself. Even his family doesn’t like you.” She talked about so many things that were supposed to stay between me and my husband.

I took screenshots of her message and sent it to him but he didn’t respond. When he got home, I poured out my heart to him and told him, “I forgive you for all the ways you hurt me but know that I am human. One day I will reach my limit.” And for the first time since we got married, he admitted to sleeping around. He apologized and said the girl was blackmailing him.

For the next few weeks, he put on good behaviour. I was happy to see the change in him. During that period, I experienced what it means to have a peaceful marriage. Unfortunately, he went back to factory settings before I could say Jack Robinson. All his toxic traits are back now and in full force.

I went to two people who played major roles in our marriage to formally complain to them.  One of them who is directly related to him told me if I want a successful marriage, I should act like a deaf and dumb. “You are the cause of your own heartache. If you hadn’t gone looking through his phone you wouldn’t have seen anything. Don’t do that again.” Instead of advising my husband, I was blamed as a woman. The second person didn’t even talk about the issue.

READ ALSO: Our Marriage Works Only When We Are Far From Each Other

As I said earlier, I’m not sharing this for advice. I just need a space to speak about what I’m going through. I spoke with my uncle who stood in as a father during the marriage ceremony and he told me I know what I’m going through. So if I think I’ve gone through a lot and can’t continue anymore he can’t stop me.

Maybe my expectations of him as a husband were overly high. Whatever it is, I have been preparing myself. Now I have managed to save enough money to rent a new place and furnish it. After almost a decade of enduring him, I am ready to choose my sanity.

My Husband Doesn’t Know That I Know His Affair Partner Is Pregnant

I won’t tell him anything. I won’t mention divorce. One day he will go to work. Or he’ll be gone for days. By the time he would return, I would have packed out.

I intend to work on myself and heal from all the emotional and psychological trauma I have suffered in this marriage. I know I need psychological help. But therapy is expensive. Is there any clinical psychologist here who can have some sessions with me at a discounted price? I would be very grateful for your help.

— Nunor

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