I’ve known my husband for five years but we’ve been married for two. We were both students when we met. Where there is love, class doesn’t matter so I fell in love with him though I was ahead of him in school and in finances. Love is love. Nothing else matters when two hearts accept their differences and decide to move in one direction.

Our love was very new when he took me home to meet his parents. I was nervous. I thought they wouldn’t like me. That aside, I didn’t trust it was the right time to meet his parents. The relationship was too brand new to make such a commitment but to love is to commit so I went along to meet his parents. They were warm and receptive. Especially my boyfriend’s mother. She was all over me, trying to make me feel at home and comfortable. I loved them too. I felt I was plugged in the right socket, where everything works seamlessly.

But all was not well with me during those times. I was plagued with a serious illness when I met them. Somehow, my mother-in-law got to know about it and decided to help me get healing. This is a woman who met me not too long ago.  This woman asked around till she was directed to a good herbalist who they say could help cure what I was suffering from. She held my hand and took me to him. He made a concoction for me and I took it. Several concoctions later, there was no improvement in my situation.

I told my boyfriend’s mom, “It’s ok. You’ve tried your best. Maybe this thing is not meant to be cured. I’m tired. I give up.” She said, “No, you don’t give up like that. You don’t stop running when what’s after you hasn’t stopped chasing you. There’s a place we can try. Just relax and trust my direction. You would be well.” She suggested that I try some spiritual products from her church. She was sure that would be my final point of healing. I didn’t agree. I said, “Thank you but I will take the rest from here.” Her concern for me really touched my heart and I was won over. I became a fan—her number one fan.

So when I realized all was not well with her, finances-wise, I decided to also help her. When they didn’t have money, I tried my best and gave her something. When it was a particular item they needed and didn’t have money to buy it, I bought the item and send it to her. There were times they couldn’t afford food. I took it upon myself to send them money and foodstuffs regularly. I did it for so long that it almost became my responsibility.

One day my boyfriend warned me to stop helping his family. He said, “They will take your head if you offer it on a platter but they’ll never give anything back. Stop it before they take you for a fool. I didn’t mind him. I had seen the goodness of his mother with my own eyes so I wasn’t going to listen to what he was telling me. How could he expect me to turn my back on them when they were there for me in times of need? It isn’t in my character. I’m an empath. If I see someone who needs help, I go out of my way to help. Even those I didn’t know, I helped, how much more my boyfriend’s mother?”

I continued helping my man’s family until I couldn’t anymore. My finances took a sour turn. I had just been posted as a new nurse. My salary wasn’t coming. You know the nursing system here in Ghana. You’ll be posted and work for over six months before your salary starts coming. I was in that position so things were very hard for me.  My boyfriend also got a job with a company that was inconsistent with paying workers. They will pay him half of his salary today ad wouldn’t receive anything until like two months later. That was how bad it was. He couldn’t help me and I couldn’t help him. We were both struck in a maze of poverty, trying to find the exit door to set ourselves free.

One day, my boyfriend came to wearing a long face. “Why the long face?” I asked. He scratched his head. He said, ‘I want to take a loan from my mother but I don’t know how.” “Loan from your mother? How? That woman doesn’t have anything? Where is she going to get that loan you’ll be asking from?” I queried. He answered, “My sister called. She told me my mom has received a grant from an NGO. I’m thinking of asking her for a loan from that grant so I pay later when things are good.”

He looked really pained at the thought of asking his mother for a loan. Not me though, I embraced the idea. I told him to go ahead and ask. “What’s the worst that could happen? She’ll say No. She could also say yes. What then do we have to lose? Ask her.”

I was with him when he called his mother for help. He called her early in the morning; “Good morning mama, how are you? he forced some cheer into his greeting. The call was on speaker so I could hear his mother on the other end responding pleasantly to his greetings. I felt really hopeful, listening to them go on with the pleasantries. He went ahead and told her how bad things had been for us and how he needed a loan urgently from her to be able to sort my health issues out.  His mother responded, “I wish I could help you but I can’t. That money you’re talking about is for a different mission. To make sure the mission is fulfilled without any issues, I gave the money to my pastor and he prayed over it. He instructed me not to give anyone part of it away. I’m supposed to invest all in the business I plan to do. He said if I don’t heed his instructions, I won’t reap any profits from the business. So, I’m sorry. I really am.”

Well, that was unexpected. My husband tried to get her to change her mind. He told her the money would be used for my medication, but she stood her ground. When he hung up, he buried his face in the nook of my neck and cried like a baby. It broke my heart to see my man, my strong boyfriend breaks down in my arms. But Life is like that. It comes at you when you least expect it. You lose your balance and then you fall so life can stand on your helpless body and have the last laugh.  I held him together. I told him to calm down because we are almost at the end of the tunnel.

READ ALSO: I Can’t Keep A Relationship Because of What Happened Between Me And My Mother

Time did its magic so things worked out for us eventually. We got married and moved in together as a husband and a wife. Things are better than they used to be. We are doing well and, in a position, where our problems get solved easily. This is also the time my husband has hardened his heart toward his family. They call for help and he turns his back on them. They call for fish and he wished he could give them a snake. He has vowed in his heart never to help anyone from his family.

We don’t know what happened to the grant his mother was given. Nothing came out of it but that’s not what keeps me awake at night. What keeps me awake and thinking at night these days is the number of things I have been accused of, by my in-laws. They accuse me of being the reason why my husband has refused to help them. They think I’ve turned his head against them spiritually and have manipulated him against them. Truth be told, I’ve been the one pleading their case since all those started. My knees had been on the floor begging him to at least throw a bone their way but my husband won’t listen to me. He even warned me not to give them anything

I worry about them, and their welfare. His sister lives with his mother and I’ve been thinking of ways to reach out to her, without getting caught. But I got an interesting call from a family friend recently. The person told me, “Your mother-in-law is telling people you are the reason her son has abandoned her. She has gone to tell your pastor that you’re using charms on him.”

Me? Charms? I don’t even know where to get that from. They are doing everything to make me stop pleading their cause but as I said earlier. I was born like that. I was born to help. The snake may bite but it doesn’t mean when it falls in a river and it’s drowning I shouldn’t help. Now my problem is how to get my husband to help his family. I’ve talked and talked and talked, he doesn’t listen to me. He even gets angry with me and threatens me.

I want to know what I can do to make him help his own family so they would stop giving me a bad name. Please help.

—Akos

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