My husband cheated on me when our first child was barely two weeks old. I didn’t see it coming. One moment he was the ever-loving and faithful husband, the next moment I was getting the shock of my life. Gosh, it felt like he had plunged his hand into my chest and ripped my heart out. The pain was unimaginable.

He didn’t think I would find out. He did everything possible to cover his tracks. Maybe that’s why I never imagined he would be unfaithful. But no matter how much you trust someone, you can’t even defend them when the evidence is staring you right in the face. That’s how I found out.

When the shock wore off I confronted him with all the evidence I had.

“What’s the meaning of this? Where did I fail you as a wife?”

“What are you talking about? I haven’t done anything,” he retorted.

Even in the face of irrefutable proof, he insisted he didn’t cheat on me. If the cheating was a shock, then this one was an upgrade of this shock. The fact that he could lie to my face without flinching had me wondering if indeed, I knew my husband at all.

I don’t know what changed his heart but he came to me later with a different resolve. Instead of the earlier defensive attitude, he was remorseful. “It’s true,” he said, “I did it. I don’t know what I was thinking but I didn’t mean to hurt you. I am sorry.” Everything about him smelled of regret and guilt. But he was a little too late.

The love I had for him reduced significantly the day he tried to gaslight me into thinking I was crazy for showing him receipts of his affair. So I took everything he said with a pinch of salt. Maybe if I had seen him show remorse the first time, I would have believed he was truly sorry.

Regardless of how I felt, we were married. Yes, he broke the vows when he stepped out so I could have left but I chose not to. I decided to forgive him with the hope that he would change.

I was wrong. He never changed. If anything he became worse. He no longer bothered to cover his tracks. He started flirting openly with many women. He didn’t even have a type. Any woman at all had access to him. I talked and talked until I got tired and stopped. I didn’t want to keep hurting myself so I left him to God.

I have been busy focusing on myself and my kids until something happened on 31st December. This man went out at night and stayed out the entire night. I didn’t know where he went but I didn’t ask questions. I told myself it was better that way. But some things cannot be hidden.

Once again, I was confronted with an uncomfortable truth. My husband went out with a woman I know. She also knows me. I thought of her as an acquaintance until I saw videos of her and my husband acting like lovers. Well, they were not acting. They were dancing, grinding against each other. There was a lot of deep kissing too. They didn’t care that they were in public. Why would a married man conduct himself like this?

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What pained me more than anything was the way I found out. It was our four-year-old son who came running to me with his father’s phone saying; “Mama, look.”

I was mortified. The shock of my child seeing his father like that is beyond words. Why would a married man record such a thing and keep it on his phone? Now, our son is traumatized. I don’t even know how to help him forget about what he saw.

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As for my husband, I didn’t confront him this time. Instead, I opened his WhatsApp and sent the videos to myself. I did it so he would know that I knew. He didn’t respond and I have also been quiet. So we haven’t spoken since the incident.

Whatever shred of love I have for him is completely gone. I am just so tired of his promiscuity. I don’t have any siblings or parents to turn to for comfort and counsel. That’s why I am here. What do I do to help my son overcome what he saw on his father’s phone? I am worried it will affect him.

— Njeri

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