We bought our first land when our marriage was only two months old. We used the money friends and family gave to us during our wedding to buy the land. The man who was selling the land to us told us it was registered in his name and was selling it because of hardship. We made a half-payment and promised to pay the next half when the transfer of ownership was complete. A week later, we visited the land and it had been cleared and prepared. When we called the man, he told us he did it for us so we could begin our project as soon as possible. The next weekend when we visited the land, someone was building on it.

That was how we lost the money that should have been the bedrock of our marriage. We followed the man for over a year. We used the police and threatened him with the court. At a point, he disappeared. Not a single penny was paid back. It broke my heart and broke the spirit of my husband. We were young in the journey called marriage so we were shaken at our core.

We were determined to live in our own house by our tenth anniversary so three years later, we were back again to a place where we could afford to buy land again. This time we were very careful. We didn’t buy from an individual. We went to an estate firm that showed us a large tract of land they were demarcating for sale. We liked the location and the dream of the estate so we paid for our portion of land.

Six months later, the estate was hit by land litigation. A family appeared to claim they were the true owners of the land and the estate hadn’t made any payment to them. We contacted the estate. All the people who bought land from them came together to form an association to demand swift settlement of the issue so we could begin development on our land. Nothing happened. As I write this story, the estate has vanished from the surface of the earth. They are no longer in existence. Gone with our three years savings.

“We are not meant to be land owners it seems,” my husband said. I agreed with him. We did everything right yet lost our money. We didn’t know the next route to go so we remained patient. Patience brought our first pregnancy and then the second and then the third. We wished we could have bought the land before the babies started coming. Once they started showing up, it became hard to save again.

If there’s a dream in your heart, you don’t stop pursuing it because someone disappointed you. It took us a long time but we did it anyway. We saved. Through shrewd spending and way of life, we were able to put together an amount that could buy us the piece of the earth we had always dreamt about but before we went in this time, I told my husband, “Let’s build on my father’s land instead. He’s retired and has no use for that large land next to his house.”

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He thought about it. He asked if my dad would agree. I was confident he would but I asked him to allow me to speak to my dad first and see how the conversation would go. I went to my dad with my husband and discussed the issue with him. He was very happy about it and gave it to us freely.

My mom died years ago. My dad is retired and is in his late sixties. We are two children, me and my younger sister who is abroad and married to a white man. One day, my dad would die and leave the land to us anyway so it was a good idea we use the land instead of going into the risky business of buying from people like the ones we did.

My husband was happy about the idea until one morning he woke up and was no longer interested. “Let’s go ahead and buy our own,” he said. I asked why. He was all over the place with his explanation. Days later, he said he was concerned about my sister and my father’s family. “Once he dies, the family can get up and start acting funny. Let’s buy our own.”

To me, that wasn’t an issue. My sister doesn’t have any interest in my father’s property. My dad has three houses in different places. When push comes to shove, she can have it all so we can have the land in peace. I told him that but he was still not convinced. I told him, “Ok, my dad is still alive. What if I ask him to transfer ownership to me?”

He thought that was a good idea. He even complimented me on thinking sharp and fast about it. I spoke to my dad. He found it funny. He said what was his was automatically mine so he didn’t see the reason I should be concerned. I kept pushing him until he agreed to do it.

Months later, he called me to come home for the documents. I went with my husband and he handed them to us. My husband knelt and thanked him. I did the same. He wished us luck and blessed us. We left with smiles on our faces. My husband especially was so upbeat about it that he started talking about when he would start developing the land with the money we had saved.

Days later, he went cold on the idea again. He wasn’t happy about something. I asked him, “What is it this time? We’ve done everything right this time so what’s stopping you?” He answered, “Why didn’t your father add my name to the documents? He transferred the land to you and not us. It’s yours and not ours. If we can start working on the land, it should bear both our names.”

I was standing while listening to him. When he was done talking, I let myself fall into the sofa behind. I couldn’t believe the thinking behind what he said. “What’s mine is not yours? Is that what you mean? Then why are we doing this? Why are we here giving birth and raising this beautiful family?” I asked in total disbelief but his answer was, “If your dad didn’t have ulterior motives, he would have written our names on the document and not only yours.”

I said, “Go ahead, buy the land that you desire. I will be here supporting you as I’ve always done. We shouldn’t be fighting over this.”

Months later, he was still sulking. I was determined not to ask why to give him the chance to unload on me. One night the bubble burst. He said, “So I was right after all. What’s difficult about changing the name on the title document?” I answered, “It’s not difficult but if I have to do that, I have to go back to my dad and ask for his permission. I don’t want to explain why I need to change what he did so let’s go with your idea.”

A year later, he still hasn’t bought the land but he wakes up every day complaining I’m the reason the family is not progressing in life. He wants to start the project but will only start after I’ve done the name change. It’s not a problem. I can convince my dad and do it but his behaviour since we started this has shown me that I can’t totally trust him. I have to sleep with my eyes wide open. I have to think twice when dealing with him.

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As the days go by, he gets aggressive. He tries using emotional blackmail to get me to bend to his will but I’m far over it. I won’t bend. If he can’t trust the woman he spent money to marry, then we should be here. If he buys the land, I will still support him. If he buys it today and tomorrow we lose it, I won’t be angry. I will still support him because that’s a wife’s role and I will never deviate from it.

— Angelina   

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