My husband brought his sick mom home a year ago. I’m the one who cares for her. I love the woman, and I do everything for her. I wake up at dawn, cook her meals, help her bathe, give her her medications, and watch her eat before I go to work. Because of her, I rush back home after work. Sometimes, she calls me, and I have to leave work immediately. Thanks to my kind boss, who makes things easier for me.

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Not too long ago, my mom experienced a mild stroke and collapsed on the floor. It was the tenants in the house who helped take her to the clinic. They called me because I’m the eldest of three children. I rushed home. I didn’t plan it, but I had to spend a few days with my mom.

While I was there, my husband called every day, asking when I was going to return. He wanted me to come back and resume my work—the care of his mother. He would ask how my mother was doing, and I would explain in detail. Sometimes, he thought I was lying to buy myself time. “But you said it was a mild stroke, so why all this?” he asked me.

When my mom was discharged, I pleaded with an aunt to come and live with her. I send them money weekly and also send money for medications. My other siblings are young, so they’re unable to help. Everything falls on me. Given the situation, I have to visit home often to check on my mom.

Whenever I’m leaving, my husband gets angry. “Why must you go there this weekend too? Weren’t you there last week?”

When I’m away, he has to take care of his own mom, and that’s his problem. I don’t mind him. He tries to stop me, but I go anyway. When I come back, he gives me attitude and the cold shoulder. One day, I told him, “I will be seeing my mom often, so we need to talk about your mom. Either one of your sisters takes care of her, or you bring in a helping hand.”

A helping hand wouldn’t be easy because we don’t have a spare room. He would have to send her to his sisters. He told me, “You can’t decide for my family. She’s my mom too, and she’s going to stay here.”

My annual leave is two weeks away. I told him I would be going home to take care of my mom. He asked me, “So who should take care of my mom? You have your aunt there, so why must you be there?”

My mom’s condition is not improving. His mom is stable and doing better. She could go home and be taken care of by someone else, but my husband insists that she stays.

My husband has three sisters. Two are married, and one is unmarried but lives far away. She could equally care for her mom, but my husband thinks his sister can’t do it the way I do, so it’s better for their mom to remain my responsibility.

That Is The Craziest Thing I’ve Ever Done In The Name Of Love

I didn’t have a problem with this until my own mom fell sick. Now, he wants to control how I care for my own mom. I said no. I insisted I would go during my annual leave. He says I’m heartless and that I’m intentionally abandoning his mom. His mom heard us arguing and asked why. He told her a long story. I don’t know what she thinks about me, but that won’t stop me from spending my annual leave with my mom.

Is my husband right? Am I being heartless? I’ve done this caregiving job for a year. Am I not acting rationally because my mom is involved?

—Claudia

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