My husband took out a loan against my advice for our wedding. The whole marriage thing happened too quickly for me. We were dating but hadn’t discussed marriage until I received a scholarship to travel abroad. All my attention was focused on how I could raise money to travel. While I was preoccupied with this, Joel, my boyfriend, told me, “We need to get married before you travel abroad.”

I had only two months before I had to leave the country. I told him I didn’t have the money to support the wedding process because everything was going toward my travel arrangements. He said, “Don’t worry, we’ll take out a loan.”

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I told him it wasn’t necessary and suggested that he wait until I returned. However, he insisted on having a wedding, even though I proposed that we could perform the knocking rite and wait until my return. His insistence was rooted in his fear of losing me once I travelled. I had no intention of leaving him; I only wanted to travel, complete my course, and then decide what to do with my life. When I asked him to relax, he accused me of not wanting to get married because I was travelling abroad.

He secured the money, performed the knocking rite, and we later got married. We only had a traditional wedding, but it was grand enough for everyone to notice that we were married. We didn’t even have enough time for a honeymoon. Four days after our wedding, I left the country. During those four days, Joel did everything to ensure I would travel while pregnant. When I arrived at my destination, he would call and ask how the baby was doing.

I’ve been here for almost six months now. My husband wants me to send him money every month because I’m abroad. However, I’m still not settled. I share a place with a friend, and sometimes I get a few hours of work here and there. Nothing permanent—just enough to help me survive. My husband thinks I have enough money and accuses me of not sending him any.

He mentioned the loan he took out for the wedding and how creditors are chasing him for payment. They deduct what he borrowed directly from his salary, and according to him, he’s unable to service the external loan because he’s left with very little after the deductions. The pressure he puts on me every day is so intense that sometimes I refuse to talk to him. I even went a week without speaking to him once.

He told me, “I can see you want me to be arrested before you do something about my situation. Why are you making me go through this embarrassment every day? Can’t you send me at least a hundred dollars every two weeks?”

I called him entitled. When he kept pushing, I told him I didn’t force him to marry me when he knew he wasn’t ready.

He claimed that I’m only taking care of my family. I do send money to my dad, but that money is to repay the loans I took out for my travel. Joel has even gone to my parents to complain, telling them they are the reason I don’t care about him.

For heaven’s sake, I’ve only been here for six months. Money doesn’t grow on trees or fall from the sky. He calls it “just a hundred dollars,” but the hours I work don’t make earning a hundred dollars as easy as he makes it sound.

I’m exhausted. I’m not living with him, but he’s making this marriage wear me out. His family is also getting involved, and if we’re not careful, this could turn into a family feud. I want to avoid that, so I’m considering ending the marriage before things escalate.

That Is The Craziest Thing I’ve Ever Done In The Name Of Love

Thankfully, there’s no legal involvement in our marriage. I only have to return his drinks to him, and we’re done. Maybe someday, when I’m financially stable, I’ll try to send him some money as my contribution to the costs we incurred for the marriage.

I know it will devastate him, and I know he’ll call me names if he finds out my intentions. But at this point, what name hasn’t he already called me? I don’t want it to end this way, but I don’t have a choice, and he doesn’t have the patience to wait.

—Jane

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