He came home one late night and everything about him was off. He wasn’t acting well and wasn’t answering my questions concisely. He couldn’t even look at my face while talking. He avoided my gaze and spoke to me while looking at the ground. I asked him, “Where are you coming from and why are you behaving like a child hiding something from his parents?” He walked towards the bathhouse before telling me that he told me he would come home late. “Akwasi, that’s not the answer to my question. My question is about where you’re coming from. Yes, you told me you’ll be late but you didn’t state why you will be late.”

By this time he was already in the bathroom and had turned the shower on. He said, “I’m home. That’s the most important thing. Wherever I went, I’m back to where I belong so why all these questions?” I left him alone and went to search through his things. I looked inside his wallet and there was no money. Early that day, I took money from his wallet and there was a lot of money in that wallet. I kept searching the many compartments of the wallet and didn’t see anything. I searched his pockets and saw nothing. I took his phone and the first message I saw was from a number that said, “Thanks a lot for the night and everything. I’m home safe and sound. Also, thanks for the money.”

He had not saved the number on his phone so I didn’t know who it was. I tried calling the number, that was when he returned from the bath and saw his phone in my hands. He snatched the phone from me while screaming, “What are you doing? What has come over you? Why are you behaving as if it’s the first time I’ve come home late?” He asked so many questions but I also had to do many questions for him. “Why is that contact thanking you for the night? Obviously, it’s a lady. Why did you give her the money? What did she do to deserve the amount you gave her?”

He started scanning through his phone. He looked back at me and answered, “He’s a friend and he’s not a woman. He’s the one I spent the evening with plus other friends. He needed money to solve his rent issues so I gave him what I have.” I screamed, “Liar! Akwasi you’re a big liar. You’re cheating, right? I’m not an idiot. I can perceive tones from what I read. This message is from a woman. If you insist it’s not a woman, prove it. Call the number and let’s hear the voice that will respond.” He walked away from his spot and told me to go to hell. “I’m not going to be ordered around here because you don’t trust me. That’s your own problem. I’m not calling any number.”

We fought. We struggled over the phone. Words were exchanged. We slept while facing away from each other. Hearts were apart though we were on the same bed. I didn’t sleep. All night I was scheming. I was thinking about what I should have said and how I should have said it. You know, those post-mortem analyses we do after a fight; “Why didn’t I call the number before he snatched the phone? Why didn’t I even memorise the contact?” I was on that tangent until I fell asleep. At dawn, he woke me up and held my hands. He said, “Let’s pray. What’s happening is not normal. The enemy is at work.” We prayed. He gave five minutes exaltation and later asked me, “Any questions?” I asked, “Who’s that girl?” 

Our marriage was built on prayers like that. From the beginning, we’ll pray together before sleeping. We’ll wake up at dawn, hold hands together and pray for an hour. We had needs and believed it was only God who can provide those needs. As the years go by, our needs didn’t change but our praying attitude changed. We slept without praying and the dawn prayers didn’t happen again. We woke up and did our individual prayers which most times we even forgot to do but that day, my husband remembered and we went back to it. It was a ploy just to get my mind off the issue but I was too focused to forget. No matter what I did, I couldn’t brush the incident off my mind. My husband was cheating on me and I needed to get to the bottom of it. 

He changed his password and became protective of his phone. He’ll put the phone off and put it under his pillow when we sleep. He said according to science, phone radiation gets intense at night so ought to be put off. I wasn’t buying it. I kept monitoring him but he changed his ways and for a very long time, everything was stable. 

And then he travelled. When he got there he called to tell me. In the night I called and he didn’t pick up the phone. Early morning he called to tell me he slept early because he was tired. All the time that he was there, he never picked up my calls. He’ll miss my call and call me later. One night before I went to sleep, I checked his Whatsapp and he was online. I called him on video and he ignored me. He went offline afterwards. I called his number he didn’t pick he called in the morning to tell me he slept at 6 pm. “Akwasi, why are you lying? I saw you online before I called. It was after my call that you went offline so why are you lying? He argued where he didn’t need to argue. He said a lot of lies just to cover up his sneaking ways. When he got back from the trip, I was moody. I didn’t talk to him and didn’t bother to ask questions. When we were going to sleep, he held my hand and said, “Let’s pray.” 

I pulled off my hand and told him, “You think God is a fool that you’ll use him to cover up your sins? Be careful you don’t end up mocking God. He knows everything and at the right time, he’ll visit you with your punishment, Mark it on the wall.” He said I’d cursed him. He reported me to my parents and in the end, my parents made me kneel before him and begged him for his forgiveness as if I’d committed the greatest offence against his majesty. From there I stopped talking. I prayed more; “God, this marriage is too young to face this phase. It’s breaking my heart and making my mind restless. Reveal the truth to me and cause the devil to fall before your feet.” 

I prayed this prayer every day while I talked less and instead focused on my wifey duties. One day he travelled. When he came back I saw a pack of condoms in his bag. He had used two so it was left with only one inside the pack. I took photos and said nothing. One morning he was on his phone texting and smiling while I hung around and watched. Soon he put his phone down and walked to the bath. His screen was on so I quickly dashed to the phone and placed my finger on the screen so it doesn’t lock up. He had texted, “Good morning sweetheart and how was your night?” The lady responded, “I can’t sleep well these days because all I do is think of you. Please come over before I come chasing.” 

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I read through their chats. The lady didn’t know he was married. There was another woman he was seeing. That woman knew he was married. He even knew my name and knew my work. She would speak all nasty things to him and later tell him, “My greetings to your wife.” No respect for me whatsoever. Again, I took shots of the messages with my phone. We both went to work and came back home in the evening. He was seated enjoying his meals when I told him, “I knew what was going on and I complained but you made me look like a fool, a dog barking at a bird in flight. Who did you use the condom on and how come the pack had only one in it?” He stopped chewing his food and asked, “What are you talking about?” I showed him the photo. “It was in your bag the day you returned from that trip. Unless you want to tell me that’s not your bag.”

He ignored me and continued eating. I said, “I read your messages. I know about those two women, the one who extends her greetings to me every day but you never tell me and the one who doesn’t know you’re married. Should I show you screenshots? Go ahead. Tell me I’m chasing shadows like you always say.” He got up and entered the bedroom. When I got there he was on his phone. “You won’t say anything? You won’t call me names? Why are you not fighting this time” He said nothing. I told him, tomorrow morning I’ll call your parents and tell them. I’ll tell my parents too so they know I was right all along. After everything, I’m not sure there will be anything left of this marriage.”

He was quiet. When we were going to sleep he told me, “Let’s pray.” I laughed at him. “Pray? For what? God doesn’t know you.” He flared up. “You see why our marriage is where it is now? You’ve abandoned the foundation of this marriage. You don’t pray. It’s the reason why it’s very easy for me to get the women. If your prayers work, no woman will accept my proposal and with time I will get the message and stop. But any woman I propose to say yes to me because your prayers are weak and inefficient. That’s why this marriage is suffering.” 

I opened my mouth and couldn’t shut it for several seconds. “Wow, is that so?” He walked pompously to the bath and left me standing there. Our marriage was on its way to three years but I knew right there and then that I couldn’t get to the third year with him. 

30 People Advice Their Ex and Talk About Why It Didn’t Work–Beads Media

As we speak, we are in the process of getting a divorce. He’s not ready to grant me the divorce. He’s brought pastors to plead and he has brought members of my own family to plead on his behalf. I don’t see any regrets in him and whenever I remember his defence when I caught him, I feel like a man who blames me for his own infidelity will blame me for everything else. What has the efficiency of my prayers got to do with his cheating ways? He brought it in when he thought I couldn’t leave him. Now he realizes everything is coming down so he’s fighting to keep it.  

He made me feel like a fool, they even made me kneel down and apologies for speaking the truth. Those things hurt my feelings a lot and I don’t think I can go on while having flashes of these images in my head. Am I making a mistake here? Do second chances always work? The pressure on me to forgive him is too much but I’m not carving in because I don’t feel right about taking him back. 

–Esi

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