My Husband Owes Me Money. How Do I Collect It From Him? (Part 2)

If you haven’t read the first part of this story, here’s the link. Kindly read it before starting this one.

Everybody told me he wasn’t going to pay the money so I should forget about it and live my life or I should attack for the money and in the process bring my marriage to its knees. I listened to advise. I chose the first option; to forget about the money and live my life as if he didn’t owe me anything. It’s the hardest decision I’ve ever taken especially when my husband had the money and kept flaunting it on my face. I went green with envy anytime he bought something new for himself. I began sulking each day because each day, he bought something new for himself. I got angry often and sometimes decided to do something crazy to get my money. 

I didn’t set out to marry an inconsiderate man. They say adversity brings out the true colours of a man. We didn’t face any adversity while dating so I didn’t see his colours very well. I saw the bright colours. The one that makes you stare for so long and fall in love. The dull ones were hidden from view. The ugly colours like the red flags were kept from me because there were no adversities to bring them out. 

One day, out of anger, I woke him out of his snores and demanded a conversation. It was about our finances. I told him, “We are a couple of equals. You make your money and I make mine. We spend equally on things here. My family’s issues are my own because you won’t help. When your trouble came, I lost more than you did just to pay off your mess. I’m not asking you to pay for everything. I’m asking you to pay the loan. The loan you specifically asked me to take and you specifically promised to pay when you’re back on your feet again. Why are you back on your feet but pretending you didn’t make that promise? Are you sure if someone did this to you, you’ll be happy living with that said person under the same roof?

He asked me, “So what’s the bottom line of this conversation?” I answered, “The bottom line is that I want my money. My mom needs help. My siblings also do. If I ask you to help, you’ll keep postponing the help until it becomes irrelevant. Give me my money so I can help them out.” 

He promised he was going to pay in seven instalments; “I’ll give you GHC1,000 each month until I’m done paying.” It was a good deal so I accepted it. The first month, he paid. I was happy. I thanked him profusely and even gave him a lot of cheers but the days ahead were different. Anytime he has to give me housekeeping money, he’ll tell me, “I don’t have money. All I had in my pocket was what I gave to you.” He said that one too many until I got the import of what he was doing. He’ll give me my money but won’t pay for anything else in the house. So in a way, he was giving me with his right hand while taking it with his left. I became clever. I asked him, “That means we won’t eat in this house right? Because you don’t have money, right?”

He answered, “Do what you want, I don’t care.” 

But it’s not in my character to do what I want. I always want to do what would benefit the two of us so even when he refused to give housekeeping money, I kept cooking in the house and he always ate without any form of guilt. The following month, he paid the GHC1,000 and paid the next month too. He stopped paying with the excuse that he didn’t have money. I wasn’t ready to fight again over the same money so I stopped asking and to date, he hadn’t paid. 

In January this year, I found out that I was pregnant. I realized we’ve left so many things to chance in our marriage. We didn’t talk about them before they happened and it’s the reason for the confusion in our marriage. I wasn’t going to repeat the same mistake again so even before I told him I was pregnant, we had a conversation about children and how we were going to take care of them. Better late than never. 

He was going to be the father in everything, providing for the child while I provide support. That’s his own words and not mine. I told him I was pregnant and he jumped to the skies and back. Sometimes, the absence of kids can make a man irresponsible, they say. The joy in his demeanour when I told him I was pregnant convinced me that he was going to turn a new leaf once the baby was in.

When our rent was due, he didn’t even tell me about it. He paid without making noise or asking me to contribute. I said in my head, “Things are getting better. Why did it take so long?” He would come home from work first and fix his own food. On weekends he will do his own laundry and I will do mine. When I needed help and I called on him, he helped. He was bubbly around the house and it got me excited but as the months progressed, he slowly slump back into his old character. I was nine months gone and needed his help more than ever but I had to beg him before he could do simple things such as washing his own dishes. 

I gave birth in October. My mom came to live with us to help us with the kid. When my mom eats, he complains. My mom doesn’t eat a lot of things because of health reasons. When we eat fufu and my mom eats something different, this man will complain to me and tell me my mom is wasting food. My mom sleeps with the light on, he complained she was wasting light. He made it a point to complain about everything. One day, he said my mom should go so we bring someone else in to take care of the child. When I asked how we were going to pay the person his answer was, “We’ll pay.” 

Everything around this marriage looked tiring. To make matters worse, recently I was going through his stuff when I saw land documents. The names on it were that of his junior siblings. I was like, “What? I sold my land for him and he could buy land in his siblings’ names. I didn’t care that my mom was there. When he returned from work, he saw the documents spread on the bed. I said, “Can you explain this? How come you bought land and didn’t tell me about it and also used your siblings’ names?” 

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His first answer was a question, “What were you looking for in my bag? Were you trying to steal from me and instead found papers?” He was trying to change the discussion but I was resolute. I needed answers so it turned into a loud argument. My mom heard it and she came around. While I was explaining to her I broke down and cried. I was exhausted. I was tired of everything I’d been through to that point. All I could do was cry the exhaustion out of my system. He said the land was for their family and they brought the papers to him for safekeeping. “Liar!” I screamed! “I lost everything because of you, including a land I bought out of my own sweat but you decide to buy land and use your family’s name on it?”

That was the last straw for me. 

Currently, I’m at my parents’ house. I’m not going back again. It’s a lot of suffering out there. The kind of peace I’m experiencing here looks almost new to me. My dad takes good care of me like the father that he is. I will wake up and food is served. My mom keeps the baby so I can sleep at night. I’ve told them my marriage is over but they don’t believe me. My dad thinks I will change my mind so he says I should be patient. My mom believes he’ll change if use this opportunity to punish him long enough. I’m not listening to any of them because I’d already told my husband I’m not coming again and he should come and divorce me before I do it myself. 

I Didn’t Marry You To Become A Baby-Making Machine—Beads Media

At first, he thought it was all a joke until I stopped seeing him when he comes around to visit. He sees his child but not me. I don’t pick up his calls or respond to his messages. Through all this, any sane man will try to say sorry or show some sign of remorse but not my husband. He’s being a man, trying to bully his way through. I watch him and I laugh because as soon as I’m well dried up, I will get a lawyer and start the divorce. 

What’s the use of living with a man who doesn’t share? You bring a man from the gutters of his problems and he jumps on your neck and tries to push you down? No, that’s not worth it. I’ve seen pampering before because I have a man like my dad who did it to all of his kids so I can’t stand a man who’ll take everything away and bring nothing back. I’ve divorced him but he’s yet to come to terms with it.