A man called me beautiful and I fell in love with him. We talked every day and texted some nights. We talked about our respective spouses. He had been married for ten years but I’ve been married half the years he had been married. I have two kids but he doesn’t have kids. He told me the problem was with the wife but they’ve come to accept their fate.

The ones you talk to every day become the ones you fall in love with. He fell in love with me and proposed. I asked about the terms of the relationship and he said, “You’re beautiful to me and I love you. That’s all I know for now. Let’s see where it goes from here.”

I was intrigued so I accepted.

When he made love with his wife and he told me about it, I got jealous and told him he was cheating on me. To hurt him back, I would have sex with my husband and tell him about it. We hadn’t met after the proposal but we were hurting each other.

We don’t live in the same town. I have to travel three hours to where he lives. Some days I wish I could sleep with him but traveling all those hours to do it makes me feel like a whore. I want it to happen in a way I would say it happened by accident but traveling all that long doesn’t look like an accident to me. He said he would look for a reason to come and see me so I’m waiting.

We’ve been doing this for the last six months. We usually don’t know what people love us for but this man tells me the reason he loves me every day and what he loves about me. I asked my husband, “What do you love about me?” His answer was, “Don’t ask me childish questions. If you don’t know, am I the one to tell you?”

My husband makes it easier for me to compare him to this man; each time I compare, he falls short. He’s a quarter of the man my boyfriend is. Currently, we haven’t done anything. None of us is pushing to have intimacy.

I know it’s wrong but all I wish for right now is for my husband to do half of the things this man does to me or say a quarter of it.

I love to be affirmed. I love to be complimented. I love to be told sweet things. It makes my head swell and my heart twirl. I didn’t even know I loved these things until this man started doing them for me. Now I’m hooked like the way a junkie is hooked to drugs. Lovey-dovey things are addictive. Once you get them, you want more but my husband…gosh, he won’t lift a finger if that’s all he has to do to make me happy.

How do I change that? If I had a man who did what this man is doing to me emotionally, I would not need this new man. I want my husband to do something. At this point, I’m sounding petty but I’m still a girl who is in love with being lovey-dovey. Can I change my husband? Or I should just pray for grace to leave this new man and be ready to starve myself from all that’s lovely.

—Shirley

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