My husband had a vasectomy without telling me. He’s only forty-two years and we have three boys. I wanted a girl. We were hoping our last born, the third one would be a girl but he also came as a boy so we agreed we would give it another try and see how it goes.

We even agreed that no matter what we get, we’ll stop right there because we can’t keep going hoping for something we may never have. I was on his iPad when I saw a conversation between him and a hospital known for such things.

They had fixed a date and the date was three weeks ago. “Maybe he didn’t do it,” I said to myself.” “If he did, I would have known by now.”

I went through another set of messages from another number and he was asking questions that suggested he had done it and was experiencing some discomfort. He was asking if it was normal.

I was shocked. What would make him do such a thing without consulting the woman he lives with? I went to him with the iPad for answers. The first question he asked me was, “Who asked you to go through my messages?” Followed by, “What is wrong if I’d done it? Is the joystick yours?”

He made me feel like I lack the right to know what my husband does with his reproductive health. Instead of a conversation, it turned into an argument. He had the final say, “I have done it. If you don’t understand it, you can hug a transformer.”

It All Started From A Whatsapp Message | Kingsley & Lydia

I bring it up and he gets angry. It makes me feel there’s more to it than just the procedure. Usually, men are scared to go through that procedure. They ask, “What if this marriage doesn’t work and I must remarry?” If he could brush off these concerns and go all out for it, then there’s a reason.

I’m thinking he has children elsewhere hence the lack of fear of vasectomy.

Maybe three here and two elsewhere. It could even be that he has a girl child somewhere. This is the thought that keeps me awake at night. Is it reasonable to entertain such fear? Anaa, I’m going crazy? It’s weird, don’t you think so?

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—Ernestina 

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