My husband travelled to work in another town for just three months and came home with a baby. Well, the baby didn’t follow him home but after he returned from that trip, a lot of things changed about him. The first change I noticed was the number of hours he spent on his phone. He’ll type on his phone all night. Sometimes he typed very fast as if he needed to make his point before his eyes could blink. I would be watching him from the corner of my eye. His mood will swing from peace to anger and then to indifference. I was watching everything and was getting worried. I asked him, “Ebo, is everything OK with you?” He would force a smile and say, “I’m OK, why do you ask?” 

I knew he wasn’t OK so I tried to check on his phone to see what he had been typing so fast every day. I picked up his phone and noticed the second change. His password had been changed. “Wow, indeed this man is hiding something from me but what could it be?” The next day, I picked up his phone in front of him and internationally tried to use it. Immediately I started typing on it he said, “It’s not the old password. I’ve changed it.” I asked, “So what’s the new password?” He stretched his hand to take the phone from me. I didn’t give it to him. I insisted, “Ebo, what’s the new password?” He got defensive. He answered, “What do you want from my phone? What can’t your phone do that you want to do with my phone?” I gave his phone back to him and left the hall.

The next change I noticed was how long he spent on the toilet. I know my husband. The longest he spent on the toilet was five minutes. I was the one who could stay in the toilet much longer. He used to complain. I used to tell him, “There’s nowhere I’m going that I have to rush out of the toilet.” My husband returned from that trip and started spending over twenty minutes on the toilet. I asked what has changed and he told me, “I’m learning from you. There’s nowhere I’m going that I have to rush out of the toilet.” He was almost always speaking in whispers on the phone. When I was around, his calls didn’t last a minute. When I wasn’t around, he could talk for several minutes. 

I put all these together and concluded that something was wrong. Our marriage was only a year and a month and two weeks old. I didn’t have a child so basically, nothing was changed about us. I kept thinking throughout the night, asking myself what my husband was hiding from me. He even slept with his phone under his pillow though the phone was off. I looked far and near but didn’t have the answers. It was affecting my mood and the texture of our marriage but he insisted that everything was fine. 

He travelled one day for work. He was going to spend three days. On the second day, his phone called me at around 11 pm. I was sleeping. I called before sleeping and he didn’t pick so I thought he was returning my call. I picked up his phone and heard a lady’s voice. She was speaking undertone. My first reaction was, “What’s wrong with my husband? Why do you have his phone?” She spoke calmly. She said, “I called because we need to talk. I’m pregnant for your husband. He’s aware he’s the one responsible but he’s telling me he’s not the one because he hadn’t been able to get you pregnant. He’s telling me that he’s impotent. He’s trying to embarrass me but I won’t allow him to go scot-free. It’s the reason I’m telling you. He’s here sleeping with me and if you doubt me, I’ll give the phone to him.”

Everything started coming back to me. I wasn’t shocked. I mean it confirmed my suspicion and every doubt I had in myself. I told her, “Thank you for telling me but I won’t allow you to use me to settle your scores. You knew he was married and still decided to be with him, right? Deal with him and leave me out of your storm.” I hung up the call but before I would hang up, I heard my husband’s voice, he was screaming and asking what she was doing with his phone. I cried a little and slept a little. Early the next morning, I went to his parents and told them everything. They were shocked. They didn’t believe their son could do that. His father was like, “It’s the devil. We raised this man in a godly manner. How could he?”

To cut matters short, his parents went to meet the lady’s parents and officially accepted the child as theirs but told them it wasn’t possible for their son to marry their daughter because he was already married but they’ll make sure he discharges his fatherly duty. It felt like a kick in my abdomen but I stomached the pain and decided to stay in the marriage and make things work. Three years later, I didn’t have a child of my own so my husband started treating me like I was the problem. He could pick up the phone and speak to the girl in my face and ask to speak to his daughter. It’s the way he said it. It felt like he was taunting my inability to give birth. “Give the phone to my baby let me hear her talk.” He’ll then smile like a crazy chihuahua and be content about the fact that he wasn’t the problem. 

The fact that he had cheated on me to have that child didn’t shame him enough, he could go for the child and send her to his parents for them to entertain her. I was like a cast out in my own marriage all because I didn’t have a child. A guy in my office wanted me. He’s the brother of the owner of the company I work with. He did everything for me to know that he wanted me but I wasn’t giving him the attention. In my lowest moment when it felt like my husband and his family had given up on me, this guy was there doing everything for me to notice him. I’m even older than him but he was so bent on having me. One day I carved in. I went to his place and I easily let him have his way with me. After that, he promised me heaven on earth and vowed to make me happy in whatever form. 

His promises didn’t really excite me. The fact that he placed me in that high esteem was everything to me. I travelled with him once to Nigeria and we spent a week there. My husband didn’t call once to check up on me. He told me I was the one who had travelled so I should be the one to be calling home. I returned from that trip pregnant. Actually, I wasn’t sure who it was for but the calculations I did aligned with the man in my office. I told my husband I was pregnant and he couldn’t believe it. I showed him a hospital result before he believed me. I asked, “You thought I was incapable of giving you a child? You thought I was going to remain like this forever?” He snapped out of his doubt and warmed up to the reality that at long last he was going to be a father to our baby.

My baby is currently two years old. She’s a girl. She has the eyes of the man in my office, apart from that, everything is mine. My husband claims she resembles him. Even his parents think my daughter resembles their son. That’s OK, I don’t argue it out with them. Whatever they say it’s true. The good thing is, the real owner of the child doesn’t know he’s the owner. When I was pregnant and I told him about it, he was very disappointed. He felt cheated on, thinking I loved my husband so much to have a child for him. I told him, “He’s my husband. I sleep with him every day so something like that is bound to happen.” Even when I was pregnant, he was the one I slept with while I gave my husband excuses; “My back aches, I can’t do it.” “When you’re close to me, I feel like vomiting, will you excuse me? Can you sleep on the sofa for tonight?” I did everything to push him away while I gave everything to the other man. Even when I was seven months pregnant, I was still seeing the man in my office. 

Before I gave birth, he travelled outside the country to do his master’s. A day never went by without him calling to check up on me. He called me beautiful. He sent me money often. He sent baby stuff after I delivered.  My daughter was a year old when he came back. I was then dry so we picked it up where we left off. The sad thing was after I gave birth, my husband brought all his attention to me, ignoring his first daughter and his baby mama. He placed me in the spotlights and showered me with care and all the love he never gave me at first. I looked at him and I felt pity for him. There was no love in my heart for him because he succeeded in killing what I built for him.

As I write this, I’m carrying another child. I’m four months pregnant and my husband mistakenly thinks it’s for him. This one also belongs to the man in my office. I started writing this story in the house of the man in my office. He’s not married. He doesn’t even have a girlfriend. He makes me the centre of things that shouldn’t have a centre. Sometimes I look at him and I’m confused. How can a man give his all and still want nothing? I told him I was pregnant and he was like, “Not again. Why do you allow that guy to do that to you, knowing very well that you don’t love him?” I don’t know why he thinks it couldn’t be him. Does he think he’s incapable of giving birth or he’s simply playing a game with me? 

When I started writing this story, that was the question I wanted to ask, if he was playing games with me. He knows he’s the one and pretending he’s unaware? Because he sleeps with me unprotected all the time, yet thinks he can’t be responsible. Now, that question doesn’t mean anything to me. If he knows and he’s playing dumb, I like it. It buys me a lot of time to think of what to do. I still have the DNA results of my first child. When this one comes, that’s the first thing I will do, I want to be sure and I’ll be happy I give my husband nothing. Because that’s what he deserves. 

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A few weeks ago, his baby mama called me. She was complaining of neglect and asking me to put myself in her shoes; “Are you the one feeding your husband drugs of forgetfulness? So he will forget about me and my daughter and care only about your own? I’m a woman like you. You wouldn’t be happy if tables turn so stop being evil and allow the man to care for his kids equally.” I asked her to lose my number. “Lose my number and never call me again. Am I the one who got you pregnant? You know his parents. They love you so why don’t you go to them with your complaints? I was soft with you when things started. This time around if you dare me, you won’t have it easy at all.” I reported her to my husband and it turned violent on the phone. He threatened to go for his child and sever ties with her completely. I was laughing. I was happy the one who brought sadness into my life was being paid back. 

I don’t know how this is going to end but however it ends, I will be happy that I paid my husband back in his coins. I wouldn’t care about what society will say. And I won’t allow their judgment to bring me down. In the end, my kids would be disappointed in me but they can’t be disappointed in the man I chose to be their father. He’s an upgrade and I pray they see it like that. The only person I pity in all this is the man in my office. Well, he’s no longer in my office. He’s doing his own thing now. He’s his own man. He’s the one I pity because he doesn’t know what’s coming. I will like to pity my parents too. They’ll bear some of the shame and they’ll deserve it because when my husband came home with a child, they told me it wasn’t enough reason for me to end the marriage. They pushed me back even when I needed more time to think through things.

Am I happy? Yes, I am. My husband takes good care of us now because he thinks we are his. The father of my kid is also in the dark, providing and loving me the best way he can. What else can I ask for? Before you judge me, remember you’re not the one that got cheated on and disrespected for years. I’m the one who suffered the pain, so keep your judgment to yourself. 

—Bettie

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