If you haven’t read the first part of this story, here’s the link. Kindly read it before starting this one.

The day I told him I was pregnant, as expected, he used the opportunity to drum home the reason I shouldn’t be working. He repeated the need for a solid home and children who are well taken care of.

I told him he hadn’t been faithful to me regarding his words. “You promise this but later do different things. You promised to set me up, but that never happened. You promised to put me on a salary. I had high hopes I would be able to use that to start something. That also didn’t work. You’re not ready to listen to me so I’ll find a work to do, no matter what you say.”

I was testing him. Not only that. I was also tickling him into a conversation. Instead of seeing things as they were, he took offence and reduced the whole conversation to me calling him a liar. I never used “Liar” anywhere in my speech but he jumped to a conclusion and questioned my understanding of what family meant. “If you call my leadership a lie, where can we get to as a family?”

Later, when my story was published and I went through the comments, I got more confused. A lot of people were of the view that I should stay home and start something on my own. When I asked, “With what?” In my head, I started seeing comments that said I could have started a business with what my husband was giving me. The four months’ salary he gave me.

I started laughing. If we all can start a business with our four months’ salary, then why are we still working for others? Why don’t we all have businesses?

When I was going around collecting invoices, it was my understanding that he was ready to set me up in a business where the two of us would be co-owners. That was the understanding but he didn’t do it, yet expected me to be home and take care of the house.

Some of the comments, a lot of them also came with great suggestions. They asked for patience from me. They asked me to be deviant. They told me to listen to my husband until I put to bed.

My mom is one person who always gave me good advice but I didn’t want to go to her because my husband was involved. I didn’t want to take our issues home. She would take my side and probably antagonize my husband.

My dad is dramatic. He wouldn’t mind picking up the phone and asking my husband questions. Those two were grenades but when I needed someone to talk to, I confided in my mom. I warned her, “Dad shouldn’t hear what I’m about to discuss with you.”

“Why shouldn’t you work?” She asked me. “I had four of you while working full time so why can’t you do the same? It’s good you said I shouldn’t tell your father but let me tell you what he did to his first son.”

My dad had a grown-up son before marrying my mother. He’s abroad now and a practising doctor. According to my mom, after medical school, this man called my dad to tell him God had called him to be a pastor so he wanted to go under training.

READ ALSO: I Will Run And Leave My Children Behind Because I’m Tired Of Being A Mother

According to my mom, my dad nearly slapped him in the face. He screamed, “Fine, you can become a pastor but not until you refund every amount I’ve invested in your education. God called you after he watched me struggle to pay your fees?”

My step-brother came with pastors to convince my dad. He even brought his mother’s people. My dad told them, “He can be a trotro preacher, I don’t care. He can preach at the ward at dawn and even raise dead people, I don’t mind but he’ll do all that after work. He can even do it when he’s on break.”

My stepbrother is still a medical doctor. Obviously, my dad couldn’t come into the conversation but my mom asked me not to stop searching. She advised me to keep going for interviews. “You’ll get a job and still keep your marriage. He won’t do anything.”

Patience here was the key. I stopped searching until I delivered safely. My mom came to live with us. When she left, my husband’s mother also came around. My baby was five months old when I had an interview. His mom was still around so I left the baby with her and went for the interview. I said nothing about it until my appointment letter was given to me. The salary was good, better actually. I had a month to start.

When he came home, I told him, “So I’m going to start working next month.”

When he looked at me as if he didn’t hear me, I showed him the appointment letter. He started throwing questions around, “How did you get a job that I’m not aware of?” “I thought we agreed you were going to start something. I was saving money. I was waiting for my mom to go first. You don’t listen, do you?”

Three days in a row, my husband didn’t stop asking questions. He was trying to nag me into submission, using emotional blackmail and all. I’d listened to him for a very long time and it was about time I listened to myself. I told him, “We need someone to help around. If you allow me, I’ll look for someone.”

“So you won’t listen to me?”

“I’ve always listened to you but you don’t expect me to let go of this, do you?”

In five months we changed three nannies. He had issues with all of them. The last one we are living with was his mom who recommended her. He has been complaining about her too but he’s not able to sack her. To me, she’s a good person. Very respectful and hard working. You won’t get everything correct from a human but this one is near perfect for me. Where my husband finds fault, I find a woman trying her best to help us.

Everything that goes wrong in this house is my fault. When he blames me, I’m calm. When he’s hyper, I leave him to himself.

I Discovered He Had Another Woman But I Couldn’t Leave Him

I don’t fight back and because you can’t continue fighting someone who’s not fighting you, he keeps calm sometimes. He stops fighting with everyone and takes a deep breath. It’s getting better. He’s getting better. Nothing is wrong in this house. My job doesn’t interfere with anything. We do what we can and ask for help when we can’t do it.

He’s still angry or disappointed or both but that’s not my concern. As far as I’m concerned, we both have what we want. He has a home where his kids are well-catered for. I have a job where I go and write, “Find attached” every day. We both won.

—Mama

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