A lot has changed in our marriage and I always blamed it on time and life.
Life because we are both grown up now. We are no longer in our twenties like when we first met. Today, we are parents of three kids and have been married for nine years. When we wake up, we think of how to put food on the table and how to run our lives out of debt and problems. We think about the future of the kids God has given us. We think of business and think of our individual careers. There is a lot more to think about now than we used to when we were in our twenties and we don’t have enough time to do all that at once. So we both come back from work knackered and with little energy to live the rest of the evening.
When we slept and my husband didn’t make an attempt on me, I understood him. I made excuses for him so I didn’t have to ask him about it. “He’s tired. He might have worked all day at work and needs his rest. He can’t come and work all night too. He’s someone’s son.”
So even when I’m horny and restless, I’ll control myself and sleep through the night without bothering him. But it continued for so long that one night I didn’t have an option but jump up on him when he was deeply asleep. I did the hand job and got him aroused somehow. It wasn’t as hard as I wanted it to be but half a loaf can also be eaten with tea so I took it like that.
He was there looking at me do my own thing. No contribution. No moan. Nothing. He was just lying there looking at me like it was his first time and I was the one taking his innocence. I didn’t talk. I just squeezed whatever juice I could get from the stone and slept afterwards. In the morning I asked him, “What do you do at work these days that you come home with a half body? You’re only thirty-nine years. This is not the time to lose your mojo. You need to exercise and eat well. If it’s a drug that you need, there are many herbal drugs now. Get something to do because I don’t see you well these days.”
He didn’t say a word. He was washing his face while we were talking so he kept washing, picked up his toothbrush and ignored whatever I was saying to him. Anyway, I didn’t need a response. It was advice I was giving him.
You would expect things would change after that conversation but nothing changed. If anything, it got worse. I would wake up at dawn and work on him for several minutes before I get a half-hard joystick to work with. One night, I worked on him all night and the thing didn’t get up. Again he was there looking at me with pitiful eyes. When I was almost giving up, he said, “Eiii, you can worry yourself ooo. If something cannot work, don’t you see it?” I got pissed and threw myself on the bed and slept. I didn’t really sleep. I was thinking throughout the night. “What could be wrong with this man? Is he losing his powers? Is he going impotent? If I tell him to see a doctor too he won’t. What should I do to help? Is there a drug I can add to his food to solve the problem?”
All night I was scheming while he was lying there snoring feebly like a newborn baby. The annoying thing was, he woke up the next morning with a fully erected machine between his thighs. I was like, “No it’s intentional. He’s intentionally starving me. How can he be dead all night even after working on him but wake up in full grace like that?” I stopped him in front of the bathroom. The only thing that saved him was the fact that the kids were already up.
While at work I texted him naughty things. “Guy man, this evening is going to be fireworks so you better reserve some energy. Tell your boss your wife has ordered you not to use all your energy at work because she wants you fully awake at night. What style would you want so I prepare for it?” All the responses I had from him were emojis and stickers. He later asked me, “Hey, what has come over you? We are not kids OK? I’m here thinking about money and you’re there thinking about sex. It looks like you have too much time on your hand today.” He came home, ate, watch TV all night, bathed and went to sleep like a log.
“Dear, you can tell me anything and it won’t hurt. What’s the problem with us? Have you had enough of me? Is there something I’m not doing? Please let’s talk about it because this wasn’t how we used to be.”
He didn’t want to talk just like always but I wasn’t going to give him that escape this time. I insisted. I pushed him to the wall. I was ready to extract the answer from him no matter what. When he realized I wasn’t going to back down he said, “You said you want the truth right? Here’s the truth. You’ve become too loose that when I do it I don’t feel anything. You think I’m doing a good job hanging on you for that long but it’s because I don’t feel anything. That’s the truth. It wasn’t like that at first and I’m not blaming you too. We have kids. Three of them. Maybe that’s the reason or there’s something you can do but not doing.”
It was a cocktail of feeling for me. Embarrassed. Angry. Lost. Confused. Demeaned. I mean all the bad feeling was me that day. I was quiet even after he had stopped talking for a long while. I responded, “I hear you.”
Conversation ended.
Now I’ve lost confidence in myself and I even feel shy to be emotionally expressive around him. I don’t make a move on him again and he doesn’t make a move on me too. It’s been three months already and we haven’t touched each other. He wakes up every morning with wasted erections while I wake every morning with unfulfilled desires. We are still young and it makes me wonder if that’s the end of our active service. I think about it and it gives me fear. I don’t even understand what it means to be loose. I’ve read online that there are drugs one can use to tighten things up but I’m not ready to go into that. I don’t feel comfortable inserting things into me so it’s a no go area for me. I’ve read somewhere that I could use the kegel exercise to sort things out. I do it but most often I forget to do it.
I’m here asking if there’s a way out of this maze. Reading advice online, they all suggest I’m not the problem but my husband is the problem. They say there’s nothing like a loose vagina but it’s rather in the head of my husband because I’ve given birth to three kids. I don’t want us to end this way. And no, my husband is not cheating. I know the kind of man I married. He has his own shortcomings just like everyone else but cheating isn’t one of those shortcomings. He’s a domesticated man. He’s home or work or church. He doesn’t go anywhere that would make you think that he’s going to meet someone else. I need help because it’s not easy for me when I’m in the mood and this man doesn’t look at me
—Ophelia
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Dear Ophelia,
Naturally, you may not be ‘loose’ but technically, you are/may.
Putting to births do cause that atimes and thankfully, he’s told you now. A different man may choose to go out and play.
Maybe, hubby’s tone when he was answering you or his comm approach was what gave you the cocktail feelings.
Now, my little suggestion… Don’t go for drugs or creams to be inserting.
Get enough amt of cloves from the market (like half olonka) Soak a certain amt of it into big voltic bottle for 3days and be using the water to wash your vjay every morning & evening after bath. (Repeat it for like 3months) Also, you can boil a certain amt of the cloves, pour it into a bucket or chamber pot and sit on it for the vapour to go inside you. (you can do this for 3days and pause and repeat periodically, Especially right after your monthly flow.) Thank me later.
But hey, some women opens up when they get extremely wet. You need to educate hubby on that too.
Best of luck and enjoy your marriage.
Dear sis you can be sitting on what water at times and use p3pr3 soak it for a while drink some and use some to be washing there he will start begging for it and come and thank me later
Please u can use pepr3 to tighten up the place by boiling and drinking it first thing in the morning for about two weeks and you are ok.. try and thank me later. I have six kids but still tight.
Madam read about Kegels exercises and try that .
Do Jogging and skip to improve your physical state
Do not do any insertion.
This small tips may help.
I’m speechless dear. But trust me when I say there is nothing wrong with you. 3 kids is not a joke. It’s just a state of his mind, but what I know would work would make you extra horny. Kindly inbox me if it.