Our breakup was a difficult one. It wasn’t exactly what I wanted but it was necessary. See, we were in a long-distance relationship for two years. We all know that one cannot nurture a beautiful relationship without healthy communication. As for long-distance relationships, communication is essential for their survival. That was our problem. We were far apart in distance and it felt worse by his unavailability. It wasn’t like that in the beginning but at some point, he became too busy.
The lack of attention took a dump on the happiness I once enjoyed in the relationship. I complained several times but things remained as they were. When I reached my breaking point I called things off. He didn’t even attempt to fight for us. He said okay. It was as if he had been waiting all along for the relationship to end.
A few days later, I realized that the pain of losing him was bigger than the pain of his neglect. “Half a loaf,” they say, “Is better than none.” So I called him and apologized. “Babe, I should have been more patient and not ended things the way I did. I love you too much to lose you. Please, can we work out our problems and get back together?” I pleaded. This guy said no.
If it hadn’t been for one or two things, that breakup would have been the end of me. That was how much I loved him. People who knew me would stop and stare whenever they saw me in town. The few bold ones didn’t just stare. They often asked, “What’s going on with you? You don’t look good at all.” I didn’t like being a spectacle but nothing I did to get over my ex worked. It didn’t help matters when he started a new relationship a month after I left him.
Nine months after the breakup, I met Kwabena. He was my rebound at first, but as time went on I fell madly in love with him. He is a good man. How could I not have fallen for him? Today, Kwabena is my husband. I am not going to lie, he is the best thing that ever happened to me. We’ve been married for so many years now and we are happy. Well, we were happy until I opened a can of worms. Now, I am the one paying the price.
The biggest mistake I made was to keep in touch with my ex after the breakup. Occasionally, he would call me and talk about his problems. I am a tight-lipped person so he knows whatever he tells me will stay with me. So whenever he needed a confidant, he would turn to me. Honestly, I couldn’t turn him away whenever he needed to talk. That’s because deep down I still loved him.
In our conversations I realized he was also still very much in love with me, however, I’m married so we avoided touching on sensitive subjects. He visited the country recently. “Can I see you? I just want to talk and catch up like old friends. Besides, I am curious to see what the years have done to you,” he requested. I showed up as discussed.
You know what they say about old flames? It happened to us. Our feelings crept up on us and we ended up in a passionate kiss. The moment we realized what was going on, we pulled the brakes. Out of respect for our partners (he is in a relationship) and reverence for our Christian values, we didn’t go any further than the kiss.
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That encounter made us realize that we were still very much in love even though ten years had passed since we broke up. Don’t misunderstand me, I still love my husband. The way I feel about both men is entirely different. There are things that most men do that put me off. When my ex does them, it doesn’t affect the way I feel about him. After he left the country, we had a serious conversation about what happened and what could have happened.
I Didn’t Tell Anybody Because I Enjoyed It
We agreed that we would completely cut each other off to avoid such incidents from happening again in the future. Now, we don’t talk anymore. It was the right thing to do so I am glad it’s done. What I cannot control is the way my heart feels. It feels like I am losing him again for the second time. It hurts so bad right now.
I don’t have anyone I can trust enough to share this pain with. I can’t talk about it with my husband either. The last thing I want is to create doubts in his mind and stir up the peace in our home. Please, help me. How do I handle my feelings? I find myself shedding tears and grieving on the inside most of the time.
—Lydia
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This life no balance, why don’t we learn how to cherish what we have? Dear poster, train your brain to see the reality, your husband is the real deal you said it yourself. The grass is greener where it’s watered, let bygones be bygones
We said.SA
What you feel for your ex is an illusion of perfection. Remember how he ghosted you until you let him go. How he refused to take you back even when you apologized, how he jumped into another relationship within a month of the breakup! Dwell on these things and you will realize that he never loved you. Then reflect on the soothing balm that is your husband. Reach out to your husband and say thank you. And if he asks why tell him the truth, which is that he is your anchor and your savior from this madness we call life. This will reassure him of your gratitude and your love. He will reciprocate and this illusion will fade, fade and fade away! God bless.
I support your submission NAB. Don’t be an ungrateful person Lydia, someone that ignored your wish and plea and treated like you never exist. You are now with a Man that treats you like a queen you are. Be quick and ignore that ex for good and give all to your husband, otherwise shame will be your name. Well, you could swallo your dignity and go back to your ex though.
NAB you said it all, very perfect submission