I started dating Mike in 2011. By 2012, I was pregnant. At the time, I worked as a secretary. However, I had to quit my job after giving birth because my mother-in-law refused to help with childcare.

My husband, on the other hand, was a partygoer. He worked some weekends, but if he wasn’t working, he was at nightclubs with his friends. Whenever I complained, it turned into a fight.

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He had a good job, so I could afford to be a housewife. And as time passed, we built our own place. Before we moved in, he decided to start his own company. I was right by his side. He taught me how to operate the business. I picked up fast. So I run things when he went to his regular job.

When the business started doing well we signed a contract that made me the official content provider. It was an equal partnership.

The two of us working together was good for the business. We got a lot of contracts and we delivered always. We worked hard until COVID-19 and the lockdown happened.

During that period, he decided to quit his 9-to-5 job and focus on the business. We sat down and planned how to make it work. It all worked out. The business boomed.

After I delivered our third child, he said he wanted to buy a new car and travel abroad. I advised him to save the car money and focus on his travel plans instead. One thing I appreciate about my husband is that he listens when I talk about finances. So, he didn’t buy the car—we put the money in my account.

Eventually, we used the money to buy a piece of land at Lashibi and built a small chamber-and-hall self-contained apartment. Our first home was too far from town, and mobility was a struggle. So once the Lashibi place was completed, we moved in.

Now, we were in town. The business was thriving, and the kids were in school. I felt it was time to build myself too. I got a job as an administrator—something I had always wanted.

But my husband didn’t like the idea. He told me to quit so he could establish a shop for me. I refused, but he set up the shop anyway. It was practically empty. Since I didn’t want to leave my job, I ignored it.

Then one day, a friend from fashion school called me. “Your husband is dating another woman,” she said. “And the things she says about him aren’t pretty.”

Apparently, this woman would show off his pictures to her friends, and boast that she didn’t love him. She was only after his money. That’s how my friend found out.

When I confronted my husband, he beat me to a pulp. I didn’t think I would survive. He blamed me for everything. He said I made him waste money to set up a shop for me but I refused to run it.

We fought constantly. Eventually, his relationship with the woman ended, but we kept arguing about my job. Sometimes, he even locked me out of the house. When I couldn’t take it anymore, I gave in and quit.

I started my own business thinking he would support me but he refused. Then, one day, he brought me a contract to sign. I also did as told without reading it first.

Later I found out that it was a contract to make one of his friends a shareholder. He gave this friend 40% of our shares. I told him it was a bad idea but he wouldn’t listen to me. In the end, his friend didn’t deliver his side of the bargain. Still, my husband held on to their friendship. They were a group.

Then I got sick. After enduring months of pain and countless tests, I was diagnosed with an infection. It developed into a painful boil near my anal area. No treatment worked. Eventually, I needed surgery to drain the fluid.

While I was suffering, my four-year-old son developed rashes around his groin. We were always in and out of the hospital.

But my husband? He would drop us off after hospital visits and disappear till morning. Can you imagine the hell I endured?

I was sick and in pain. Our baby had a chronic itch. Our middle child had rashes. I would call him crying, “Won’t you come home and help with the kids?” But he didn’t care.

One day, after another hospital visit, the doctor told us we had scabies. It was contagious—either someone brought it home or we had picked it up from somewhere. But we hadn’t traveled anywhere so it must have been the former.

That’s when it dawned on me. My husband was the first to develop the itch. When I confronted him, he admitted it. But that didn’t make it go away. Soon, our first child got infected too. Our entire family suffered because of what he brought home.

In the midst of all our troubles, I discovered that my husband had a penchant for visiting brothels. I saw it when I read his chats with his friend group. He and his friends would take edibles before going to see the ladies at these establishments. Sometimes my husband would even hire two of them together.

I had chills as I read the messages. I couldn’t even speak.

I didn’t have the heart to confront him immediately. So I took screenshots.

I was devastated—not just by the betrayal but by the fact that he brought diseases into our home. Look at how I the kids and me suffered because of this thing.  Where else could we have gotten the scabies? He probably got it from one of his sex workers and transmitted it to us.

One day, he went out and didn’t return until the next morning. When he came home, I confronted him. “I know the life you live with your friends,” I said. Then I recounted everything I read in their chats.

You should have seen him. Suddenly, he was the magazine cover remorse husband. He bowed his head in shame and apologized profusely. “It will never happen again,” he swore.

I forgave him.

But then, one day, he got up and decided he was going out with those same friends. When I tried to stop him, it almost cost me my life. He beat me mercilessly. He slammed my head against the wall several times.

That was it. I packed my things and took the kids to Akosombo.

Over there, I got sick. I went to the hospital and the doctors said I was pregnant but miscarried because of the abuse. I had to return to Accra and get a D&C.

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Back home, I told him, “You see what you’ve done? You beat your wife till she lost a pregnancy. I hope you’re happy.”

Since then, he has changed. He doesn’t go out with his friends anymore. He has stopped doing the things that made us fight. He is acting like the perfect husband. But too much has happened.

I don’t trust him anymore. I know he’s only pretending so I won’t leave again. That’s fine though.

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My plan is not to stay. I came back to save money. I’m still running my business, but I don’t have enough to leave with the kids yet. So I’ll stay here while I work on getting passports for them.

And when I get enough money, I won’t tell him anything. One day, we’ll leave home and he’ll hear that we are in Europe. That’s when he’ll know that I am truly done with this marriage.

I’ll bring you an update when my plans fall into place.

—Mina

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