Akida was my high school boyfriend. We had dreams of furthering our education after school. From there we would get incredible jobs, and then get married. You know how teenagers like to dream as if the world was theirs for the taking. It was after we completed school that we learned that life is not a genie in a lamp. You don’t get your wishes granted by rubbing its belly three times.

I continued to the university but my boyfriend couldn’t. His family couldn’t afford to send him. He had to get a job working in security to get by. So I was a student with a hustling boyfriend. You would think a big change in our lives like this would dampen the fire of our love but it did no such thing. We were as bonded as thieves on a mission.

As time went by, he earned good money so his situation was not bad. When it came to my school, I managed kumaliza. That was when we agreed that now that I was done with school, we should move in together and start life. The plan was for us to manage our resources and prepare for him to pay my dowry.

It happened that he took some bank loans to buy a motorbike to start a business. Because of that, money became a problem. When it was time for him to contribute money to the household he would say, “Can you take care of it? I am still paying those bank loans.” Had it not been for my parent’s intervention, I don’t know where I would have been. They helped me set up a business. It made things easier for us. As the business grew, it took care of our needs. I was able to pay our rent, buy cooking stuff, and pay all our bills.

While I took care of the home, he focused on paying off his loans. I am sure you are wondering what happened to the motorbike. They were using it to work but he claimed he was not getting any profits.

After a while, he finished paying off the loans. Things started shaping up for him again. He proposed we have a baby and I agreed. We didn’t have to try too hard before it happened. When I got pregnant my man changed. He was always on the phone. Whenever I asked him, “What are you doing on your phone that you won’t talk to me?” He would tell me that he was on TikTok watching some comedies.

Even when I saw those changes, I wasn’t concerned because I was sure he was a good man. He was the kind to do cleaning around the house. When I cooked, he washed the dishes. When he was off work, he helped me sell at the shop. It was a simple partnership that worked for us. That was why I was sure he wouldn’t do anything to jeopardize it. Then his cousins told me he was cheating on me with another woman.

When I asked him about it he said, “I have no idea what you are talking about.” I observed him and saw for myself that his cousins could be telling the truth. What gave it away? He stopped touching me. He is not the kind of man who abstains from intimacy. So the fact that he wasn’t doing it with me was all the proof I needed.

One time I took his phone. I didn’t want to go through it but I was curious to know what he was up to. I saw his chat with the girl he was cheating with. In one of their conversations, she was appreciating him for being good to her. He had taken her shopping and then gave her so much cash. He was asleep so I woke him up and asked, “What’s the meaning of this?” He took the phone from me, changed his password, and went back to sleep. He didn’t say a word to me.

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I was so heartbroken. By then I was four months pregnant. The pregnancy had taken a toll on my health and the doctors had put me on bed rest. I contacted my parents and told them everything Akida was up to. “I can’t stay with him anymore,” I told them. They supported my decision.

I made arrangements and moved in with my aunt. Akida also moved in with the new girl. Now, I am eight months pregnant. He is not supporting me financially. I am under bed rest so I don’t work anymore. This man is spending his money on the girl. He blocks me so he can post videos of them going shopping. As for me when I need his help, it is against his money.

It Will Be Difficult For Me To Commit To One Person

As if it’s not hard already, the girl insulted me the other day. She said I am not able to take care of my man, that’s why she got him. “I am the best woman for him so forget about him and move on.” It’s not as if I don’t want to move on. I do, but the pregnancy makes me think of him. Besides, I need him to provide for the baby.

His parents know me and are aware of what is going on but they aren’t saying anything. Lest I forget, he never got around to paying the dowry. We were together for eight years and lived together two. How do I move forward with this situation? I need him to be responsible for the choice we made together. Please help me with advice. Depression is winning my heart.

—Dalila

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