They were friends from high school. According to my husband, they became friends the very day they saw each other on campus. After high school, they found themselves at the University together, the same hall, same course. It was like the universe has decided to put them together no matter what. Eric was smarter so when my husband needed help in any subject, he came to his rescue. Their friendship was also built on the fact that they both didn’t come from a wealthy homes and as such found themselves compatible. 

It was like their souls spoke the same language. They both lacked the same thing but they were determined not to end up poor so they pushed themselves to the limit. After university, my husband had a job in Accra. He had nobody in Accra apart from Eric and Eric was living in his parent’s family house. The room was small yet he was sharing it with a cousin. My husband spoke to Eric, who at that time had no job and Eric offered to share his room with him. My husband moved to Accra and they both started dreaming together once again. 

Two years later, my husband raised enough money. Eric had just started working and didn’t have much so my husband rented a place and moved in with Eric. They were brothers. Eric’s parents met my husband’s parents and also became friends. Life started becoming easier once Eric found a job. They lived together for two years before Eric rented a place for himself. I came into the picture just around that time. From the start, I knew Eric as my husband’s brother because that was what they both told me. When our relationship started growing in years, I learned the dynamics and history of their relationship and became aware of the real bond between them. 

We got married in June 2015. It was at our wedding that Eric met Jane, their classmate in SHS. They got reconnected and as time went on, love grew between them. I saw their beginning and knew something special was happening between them. Whenever they came to visit us, I watched them and it was special the way Eric looked at Jane. Anytime they spoke about their school days, I saw the chemistry and knew they were going somewhere sacred. So I wasn’t surprised when Eric came to announce their marriage a year later. I told my husband, “I knew these two were going to get here in no time.” He answered, “Such is life. When we were in school, Jane didn’t look Eric’s way once but now look at them.”

I was pregnant when we attended their wedding. Once their marriage was done, the four of us became one family. Jane became my friend and we became the women who made the lives of two friends easy. I gave birth in February 2017. My son was five months old when Jane also got pregnant. It was like God was blessing us in turns. We made jokes about it but those were the things that made us happy. Our husbands came from nothing but their respective jobs kept blessing them and they kept getting promotions every now and then. 

I’m 2020, when we returned from the lockdown, Eric was travelling to visit a sick cousin when he had an accident. Jane called my husband at dawn to break the news. We both couldn’t sleep again until daybreak when my husband drove to the hospital to see him. He called to tell me, “It’s serious. We have to intensify our prayers because where my brother is sleeping is very slippery.” While I was talking to him on the phone, I heard Jane crying in the background. My husband was telling her to stop crying and that everything would be alright. I cried too. I was scared because of what my husband said. I prayed a prayer. I told God to be merciful. I asked God to spare his life.

Eric spent almost a week in the hospital but he couldn’t get well. He died. I can’t put into words what we went through as a family. It’s the first time in our lives that someone that close had died. I experienced Eric as a person and I didn’t think he deserved to die. I cried while my husband was crying. I went to see Jane and her kid and we all cried. I didn’t have the strength to even console her. I put myself in her shoes and the sadness became worse. How could this happen to a young man who was the breadwinner of his family? Who was going to grow in his stead? It was a huge blow for us. 

Because of the Covid restrictions, his funeral was meant to be done in moderation but you couldn’t control the people who were determined to attend the funeral. It was a memorable one but in the end, he went into the grave. 

My husband made a promise to take care of Jane and her daughter. There was no one in the family to step up and take his position because the family wasn’t doing that well financially. I understood my husband’s resolve because that is what friends do. They’ve been through a lot. They both owed loyalty to each other so it wasn’t out of order that my husband would decide to help but two years later, the concerns are becoming too much and Jane has become the reason I and my husband fight often.

I understand the helping hand he’s extending to them but I feel it’s going beyond just a helping hand. He gives them a monthly allowance and also pays the fees of the child. I have two children now but my husband’s attention is more on Eric’s widow and daughter than us. Whatever he gets, he gives them first before he turns his attention to us. Every Christmas, the hampers he gets from work, he sends everything to Jane and her daughter.

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He would tell me he doesn’t have money but when Jane calls with a need, he’ll run and cater for her and leave us to solve our own problems. When I first drew his attention to it, I didn’t have any solid ground to stand on so he pushed my concerns aside and called it jealousy. He screamed, “I owe Eric that much and I made a promise to him so I have to fulfil that promise. You know Jane is my mate in school, right? You have to understand.” 

One night, I went through my husband’s phone. Yeah, I had to because my heart was burning for the truth. I saw his bank transactions and checked his mobile money transactions too. A lot has been sent to Jane. I read their chats. Every line had a request from Jane. She was sick. She had used all her money to take care of her sick parents. She wants something for the child, her books, her uniform. A lot of requests and that explained the many transactions my husband had done in her name. That aside, their conversations got darker. It wasn’t clear but it sounded like my husband had been spending nights with her. She asked, “Are you coming around this evening?” He answered, “I’m looking for an excuse to give. Would you give me one?” Laughing emojis later, Jane said, “Ain’t you a man again?”

I didn’t want to think about anything crazy. I felt it was my jealous senses taking the best of me. They are mates so they could have such conversations, right? But since I read those messages, anytime my husband is late from work, I feel he’s with Jane. It breaks my heart. It makes me angry and that anger is hindering the relationship between me and Jane. We don’t talk often and I intentionally miss her calls and invitations. I didn’t tell my husband I’d read their chats but I asked him, “Do you go to Jane after work?” He answered, “Yeah, sometimes. I pass there to see her and the kid. Is there anything wrong?” 

I feel because he didn’t lie, then there’s nothing going on between them but this feeling won’t go away. My husband has changed. He wasn’t someone who goes to work and comes home in the night but currently, that’s what he’s been doing. He wasn’t someone who gives us excuses but currently, that’s what he’s been doing. He comes home to tell me he had already eaten. On weekends, he’ll tell me he’s visiting Jane while we are home yearning for company too. I don’t understand it. 

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I want to go through his phone again but I’m scared my fears would be confirmed so I stay away from his phone. I want to address it and address it with facts this time. Where do I start so he doesn’t see it as jealousy? What do I say without upsetting him? I want him to know that we also have needs and need his presence. I judge myself as jealous and stop midway from talking to him about my concerns but don’t I have a reason to be jealous? A man can do anything but sometimes I doubt my husband can hit on the widow of his best friend or looking at the relationship he has with Eric, he would try and take what belongs to him. Am I being reasonable? Should I confront him or I should rather learn to accommodate this new change of life?

–Barbie

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