I have been chasing love for as long as I can remember. I would catch up to it and it would slip out of my grasp. My last relationship, for instance, we were doing very well when we were in school. I was happy that for once, I was holding onto the elusive love. I enjoyed my time with her until we completed school. Then she started having needs her parents couldn’t provide. I didn’t have a job so I couldn’t help her out either.
I felt bad that I wasn’t the man I was supposed to be for her. But I had faith in our love. I was sure that she would stick with me through my difficult moments so that when things got better, she would enjoy all the softness she deserved. While I was living in a fool’s paradise, dreaming about our distant future. My woman kept the door of her heart open.
Unbeknownst to me, she was holding auditions to find the best man for her. When she did find him, she discarded my heart like a disposable diaper. I cried. I begged her to come back to me. I painted a picture of the future we could have together. I put my dignity aside and tried to hold on to her. Nothing I did worked. My love was busy finding comfort in the arms of a man who had money. I had no choice but to gather the broken pieces of my heart and move on.
After I recovered from my pain, I reconnected with an old schoolmate. I didn’t mean to fall in love with Abena but I fell flat before I knew what was happening. She is a good person. The only problem was our lack of proper communication. There was also a long distance between us. So it was difficult to nurture our connection. I got tired of trying too hard to make it work so I walked away.
A while after our break up, Abena and I got in touch and had a conversation about everything that went wrong with our relationship. “I know I didn’t put in much effort the first time, but I am ready now. Let’s fix everything that is broken between us and make it work,” she proposed. I still had feelings for her so I agreed to give her another chance.
At the time we got back together, I was getting ready to travel out of the country. I told her about it and she said she didn’t mind waiting for me. I was happy. We made plans. I asked her, “After I leave the country, I would like to settle down. Is that something you are ready for?” She explained, “My family insists that I have to marry someone from my church. But I am sure that I can get them to give us their blessings despite the fact that you are from another church.” It was hope. Hope is better than nothing so I took it as a yes.
When I settled down abroad, I worked twice as hard as I did in Ghana. I did all this so I could make enough money to bring Abena to join me. Even when I got tired and felt like giving up, I thought about all the beautiful moments we would have if she joined me, and I was fueled to push harder. By God’s grace, everything went according to plan and she has come to join me.
We were basking in bliss when she got here. All the sacrifices I made to bring her here were worth it. I figured it was best we start planning marriage. That was when our problems began. The moment I asked her, “What process do we have to go through to legitimize our relationship? I am ready to marry you.” Someone who swore she was madly in love with me all of a sudden started dragging her feet.
I asked what was going on and she said, “It’s about my parents. I don’t think they will agree for us to get married. Our religious beliefs are just too many. But let’s not lose hope, I will get them on our side soon.” I patiently waited for weeks but when I brought up the subject of marriage again, she dragged her feet and blamed her parents for it. As time went on, I realized she was just giving me excuses. I even started wondering if she was married already.
Her mother has not met me before but she knows about me. She knows I am the one who helped Abena travel abroad. So I contacted her and declared my intention to marry her daughter. After we spoke, the woman had a conversation with Abena and brought me feedback. She said, “I spoke to my daughter and she is ready to marry you. I also don’t have a problem with the two of you getting married. However, my husband will have the final say in the matter. Let me talk to him and get back to you.”
After she spoke to Abena’s father, she came back to tell me, “I am sorry but my husband doesn’t approve. He wants Abena to marry a man from our church. We have tried to change his mind but his decision is final.” I can’t force a family to accept me if they don’t want me. I know this, but I’ve invested too much of my time to start over.
It isn’t that I don’t have other women in my life. I have lots of ladies in my dms who tempt me every day but I push them all away because I am solely committed to my relationship with Abena. We are far away from her family so we are still together despite their objections. We still live together as though nothing has happened.
Why Men Don’t Say “I Love You” To Each Other
Left to me alone, we would go on like this but I am also scared. What if something happens to her? What will I go and tell her family? I am also concerned that she is just using me until she doesn’t need me anymore. She is trying to help her brother to travel and join us. She hasn’t asked for my help yet but it will get there eventually.
What if I help her and she still leaves me for someone from her church? But I am also wondering if helping her brother would change her father’s mind. Maybe when he sees that I am invested in the well-being of his family, he will allow me to marry Abena. I feel stuck. How do I handle this situation and come out the winner?
—Midas
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Religious barriers are serious. You should have taken it serious when she brought it up first. I don’t think helping her brother will change anything however love is like that sometimes (losses) . You can help him and pray for a positive outcome. Just be ready for anything and help your family come too bro. Your family deserves that. Best wishes
Very well said. Sorry Midas, I think you should move on. Pray about it first, if you and Abena are meant to be together, you two would be. Pay attention to your dreams and ordinary things around you… God might have spoken severally with you about your relationship with Abena, yet you have refused to pay hid. Well… keep us updated. Thank you
God has spoken to you, but you have refused to pay heed, indeed! Abena has also spoken, she’s dragging her feet and blaming it on her father. You want her to speak further by seeking your help for her brother? Jon, wake up oo. Don’t you have siblings who also have travel plans? You have helped her travel over. If even she was not dragging her feet it is reasonable to assist someone from your side before you top up with her brother. A woman who has failed to commit has no respect for you if she is still depending on you to assist the brother. She is most probably still with you because of the assistance she requires. Once she’s done, she will be gone like the wind. My brother cut your losses and move on.,so you can open your heart to a new and genuine love.
Their religion allows you to take she and her brother abroad but it doesn’t allow her to marry you ehhhh some men deserve this shit when your own siblings are there suffering you are here wasting ur time n resource on pple who dont regard you
Some men too be fools paa oooo….. Eii
A lady you haven’t married, you take abroad.
She never loved you in the first place. You too are in a far away place, what stops you from doing the court one, and settling down.
You have successfully wasted your time and energy on the one who will definitely lead you to your Doom. Lol
Your last few words… And come out the winner. Ayeekooo wai.
Barikisu and Qwami have said all.
Midas, don’t you have any sibling or relative that you need to take up there, abroad and show them how to fish instead of fishing alone and sending it to them back home??
Wise up and stop the gyimie nu. You took her there and she’s working on bringing her brother yet her father says no marriage because of religious differences and you still there holding on when she making efforts to better her home.
Be a man, wati.
You can be of Use but not Relevant…
Trust me , they are not the same ..
Wise up nigga.
Her father is’t well at alk. So his faith allows his daughter to live with a man who’s neither her relative nor husband, but never to entertain marriage? My humble opinion is you wise up, cut this girl and her family out of ur life. You deserve better and God will surely do it. Shalom!