The first four years of our relationship were great. There were lots of ups and downs along the way but we stuck together through them. Those experiences made me love her more. I love the fact that she is smart, kind, and has a good heart. If you asked me to describe her with one sentence I would simply say, “Bee is a good person.”

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This coming August will mark our fifth year together. While it is my desire that we finally take the bold step and tie the knot, things have taken an uncomfortable turn. And I am not sure how to solve these problems rearing their heads out of nowhere.

It started small. I would visit her and she’d get upset that I didn’t offer to help with her chores. She wanted me to sweep the hall, wash the dishes, and clean the washroom. “I can’t be with a man who doesn’t know how to do basic chores,” she would mutter.

This is a woman I envisioned a future with. Her happiness mattered to me. So if she wants a domestic man then why not? I started helping out. I would sweep her hall the way she likes it. When she cooked, I was by her side. After the meals are done, I would clean up. She doesn’t have running water so I took it upon myself to fetch water for her from the nearest water vendor.

This is a habit I am just getting into. This means consistency is a struggle for me. Sometimes I did it. Other times too, I’d forget. On days I forgot, I never heard the end of it. She would rant and rant just to say she couldn’t marry a man like me.

Then she came over to my place on a day when the room was untidy. When I asked her to sweep it for me, she blatantly refused. “This isn’t my house,” she pointed out, “Don’t you live with your younger sibling? They should do it.” I just nodded and thought, “So that’s how it works.”

After that day I decided not to clean her place anymore. After all, according to her logic, it was not my house so I had no business cleaning it. The only thing I didn’t stop doing for her was fetching water. That, at least, felt fair.

Another thing that reared its head was the way she always spoke to me. Sometimes her utterances were offensive. It had been there for a while but I always overlooked it. I would rationalize her behaviour by saying no one is perfect. “If this is her one flaw then I will accept it.” Besides, I love her so it was okay.

She, on the other hand, never failed to tell me that she can’t marry a man who doesn’t sweep and wash dishes.

When I talked about our future and marriage, she shrugged dismissively and said; “You are too desperate for marriage. Me, I am not ready.” I understood. We are still young, but the way she brushed off the subject made me feel uncertain about everything I wanted for us. It was as if to say she didn’t see me as a potential husband.

I did a lot of thinking, tossing and turning in bed, and then decided to have another conversation with her about the course of the relationship.

I acknowledged that lately, everything I do annoys her. “I know you’re not happy in this relationship,” I said. She didn’t deny it. All she did was repeat the same thing she had been saying, “You don’t help enough with chores so I don’t see you as a husband material.”

I seized the moment to tell her, “I’ve overlooked your flaws because I love you. Can’t you give me grace while I work on mine? You know no one is perfect.”

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My girl looked me straight in the eyes and said, “Well, you shouldn’t have overlooked my flaws.”

At that moment I felt I was fighting for the love of someone who didn’t even care if the relationship worked or not.

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For four years, I have only had eyes for her. I don’t pay attention to other women let alone notice them. As far as I knew, I had won the prize when Bee agreed to give me her heart. She was my present and I hoped she would be my future. We were perfectly happy. We were “the poster child” for couple goals.

Now, she is literally shoving me out the door and I don’t understand what changed. Did she fall out of love with me? Did I do anything to offend her? I know I won’t get any answers if I ask her. So I have decided that it’s best I walk away from her. I wouldn’t be wrong to do that, would I?

—Kwanza 

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