I have been in a relationship with Akua for the past two and a half years. When we first met, she was soft-spoken, sweet, and high on life. Akua is the kind of woman who captures hearts wherever she goes. She just has that way about her. Our love story began in a very intense way. Every moment I spent with her felt like taking a long drag of nicotine. I was always lightheaded and happy. She was also very crazy about me. We are both flawed humans like everyone else but we barely had issues. We felt strongly about each other in a way that made it easy to overlook whatever imperfections we brought into the relationship. 

Akua’s parents are well-to-do, so she never bothers me with money. Sometimes I offer to do things for her but she’d tell me, “Don’t worry, my mother will do it for me.”

And I’d tell her, “I am not offering to help you because I think you are in need. It’s just my way of showing you I care about you. So if you need anything don’t hesitate to ask me.” She would agree with me but she wouldn’t reach out to me if she needs help. Sometimes I have to listen to her intently, and figure out whatever she lacks so that I could quickly provide it for her before she asks her mother for it. My other alternative was to constantly provide her with little things like airtime, internet bundles, and money, from time to time.

“I think it’s time,” I told her one day. “What do you mean? What is it time for?” She asked. I responded with excitement, “I want a future with you and the first step to do that is to introduce you to my family .” “Are you sure you want to do that? What if they don’t like me? She asked with uncertainty. I laughed, “That’s crazy! Everyone who meets you falls in love with you instantly. I know that my parents will be crazy about you.” So we made arrangements and I took her home. As I predicted, they loved her and made a lot of fuss about her. I thought after she met my people she would take me home too, but she didn’t. I wondered about it but I didn’t say anything to her. I just told myself that maybe she needed more time to come to that decision on her own. 

Fast forward, Akua landed a job in a reputable organization. The money she is earning is good. She was also excited about the opportunity to build her career. During her first few weeks, we would talk on the phone every day after work. And she shared her experiences with me. I learned about her favourite thing about her work and her least favourite thing about her work. She told me about the colleagues she liked and the ones she hadn’t had the opportunity to talk to. The icing on her stories for me was the office gossip she mostly shared with me. I wasn’t in her office but I got to know a few personal things about her coworkers. It was a fun bonding moment for us so I enjoyed it. She talked about her work with so much passion that I couldn’t help but be happy for her. I was happy she was learning new things, meeting new people, and developing herself. 

I did everything a supportive boyfriend would do. I encouraged her when she felt down and celebrated her when she accomplished tasks. As she got familiar with the work environment, she started changing. The change was unexpected and very drastic. She went from “Guess what happened at work today,” to “I have had a long day so I can’t talk to you tonight. Maybe tomorrow.” But then “Tomorrow” would arrive and my girlfriend would still tell me she is too tired to talk. I became concerned and tried to get her to talk to me but that didn’t work out. Then I decided that I would give her some space, but it didn’t also help matters. 

Akua who was very soft-spoken and polite became aggressive and rude at the least provocation. It was as if my very existence irritated her. I felt her drifting away from me but everything I did to hold on to her only made her angry. One day I asked her a question I had always asked her, “Akua, is there anything you want to tell me? Since you started work, your behaviour has been alarming.” Usually, she’d tell me, “No, everything is fine. I’m just so busy with work.” But this time her response was different. She said, “I feel a little restrained in this relationship. I want some freedom so that I can go out with people.” I didn’t understand what she said, “But you are free to go out with whomever you want. I am the one who even encourages you to meet new people and enrich your experiences.” She responded, “Yes, I know that but that’s not what I am saying. What I am telling you is that I want to start going out on dates with other men.” 

READ ALSO: I Am Torn Between My Boyfriend and My Friend Who Recently Got Divorced

God, my heart started beating out of rhythm at that moment. I was dumbfounded for a minute but when I finally spoke I told her, “Well, you are free to do whatever you want, just as I am also free to leave the relationship if you start going on dates with other guys.” I made it clear to her that I have no intention of being in a relationship with a woman who dates other men. But she said there’s nothing wrong with it, and that dating is all about getting to know other people. My question is, who does that in Ghana here? And despite my ultimatum, she has started going out on these dates. So my understanding of everything is that she is tired of me and she just wants to find a nice way to end the relationship. 

I am hurt but I have decided to move on with my life. I have accepted that the future I planned for us is something she doesn’t want. I know in my heart that I gave her my all. I have learned my lessons. In my next relationship, I will be more careful of how I bare myself to my partner. I just want to ask the women on this platform one question. Will you go on dates with other men while you are in a committed relationship? Is it normal to do that?

—Seth

Do you have any relationship experience to share? Please email it to [email protected]

NOTE: NO PART OF THIS CONTENT CAN BE REPUBLISHED OR REPRODUCED IN ANY FORM WITHOUT THE EXPLICIT CONSENT OF THE EDITORS OF THIS BLOG

#SB