When I was young, I mean much younger, I couldn’t understand why my mother wouldn’t let go of the mistake I committed. She had a way of bringing in a mistake I did years ago just because I committed a new.

She sent me to go and buy something from across the street and I unfortunately lost the money. When I came home she beat me. When she cooked, she served my food without meat. When I complained she told me, “Use that money you lost to buy meat.” It didn’t end there. Anytime she sent me and I had to hold money, she reminded me of that money I misplaced. Even when neighbours sent me money, she warned them, “This boy can misplace money oooo. Don’t tell me I didn’t warn you.”

I was in class five when it happened. When I completed Junior high school, her friend visited and dashed me money. When her friend left she came and asked me for the money. I said, “It’s mine and I can keep it.” She screamed, “Bring the money before I get angry. Don’t I know you and how you easily misplace money? I sent you to buy something from across the street and you came back without the money. What shows you won’t misplace this one too?”

She took the money from me and the day I wanted it she told me, “When you misplaced my money did I collect it from you? Leave me alone, I’ve misplaced your money too. We are all squared now.”

Today’s story is not about my mother. She died years ago and each time I think of her, I think about how she never let go of the sins of the ages. This story is about the woman in my life now, Linda. She’s giving me the vibe of my mother. She sounds like an updated version of my mother. If my mom was W5.1, Linda is W11.6.4. The ‘W’ there stands for woman and my girlfriend is far ahead of my mom. She never let things go, even silly things that do not require her attention.

She loves me I know. I love her too but if she could drop this character of hers, our love story would be different. I’ve told her on countless occasions that I’ve lived with her kind before and I didn’t enjoy it so I don’t want to do it again in my adult life. Even that statement is always used against me when something comes up. She’ll go like, “No wonder your mom treated you the way she did. She knew who you’ll be when you grew up.”

We were cooking together one afternoon at her end when she had to leave the house to go and buy something from the street. On her way out, she called to tell me to add salt to the rice on fire. I did. When the rice was served, we could taste sugar instead of salt. That was when I realized I added sugar instead of salt. I apologized, “I’m sorry. I didn’t check to see which was which. Your salt and sugar are in identical containers. I didn’t see the difference.”

She didn’t eat the rice. I couldn’t let the food go to waste so I did my best and ate everything. This happened a year ago but today, whenever I enter the kitchen, she reminds me not to add sugar to her food. It sounds like fun from the beginning but when it goes on for over a year, it loses its fun and becomes annoying. When she’s cooking and I pass by, she’ll warn, “Please go, I don’t need you here. I will call you when I need sugar in my food.”

I was sitting outside with her one evening when a lady walked by carrying excessive loads. One of the items was falling so I reached and caught it before it fell on the ground. She said thank you. She lives close by so I carried some of her loads and walked with her to her house. The way she showered praises on me made me feel like I’d accomplished something in life, like saving the dying child of a woman who has only one child. Even her mom and dad came out to say thank you and reminded me of how well I was raised as a child.

When I got back, Linda was not there. I entered the room and she was there pressing her phone. Immediately she saw me she said, “Eiii Aboabo super man. Where were you when they were forming the Avengers? I didn’t know you could catch falling things like that. I’m falling please come and catch me.”

It was all jokes until she played it over and over again. I could be home thinking about myself and Linda will call me over the phone and tell me, “Your girlfriend is passing with load ooo. Won’t you come and carry some for her, Aboabo superhero” It’s been several months but whenever we argue she calls me Aboabo superhero and adds “Doing things he’s not been invited to do and ignoring what he ought to do.”

It’s annoying the way she says it and makes me feel bad for helping a helpless lady. I know she won’t stop calling me Aboabo Super Man until my dying days if this relationship goes on forever. I’ve been angry about it, I’ve been sweet about it, I’ve asked her pleadingly to stop doing that but Linda hears stop and interprets it as “Keep doing it” So she never stops.

All these issues are old issues but she polishes them and makes them look brand new every passing day. What’s currently killing my soul and the reason I’m sharing this story here is about something I innocently told her so both of us could laugh about it. It’s innocuous. It’s not anything any serious human being would use it against me but my Linda has been playing it against me each day and it makes me feel terrible.

She visited me one evening and I was going through my Facebook Messenger when I came across a message a scammer sent me. It was an American girl asking me to send her my details so she could process a visa for me to travel to be with her because she wants to marry me. I showed the message to Linda and said, “These people think everyone online is a fool, see what they’ve sent me.” I showed her the message and we both laughed about it. Right in front of her, I blocked the sender.

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The next day I missed her call and I called back. Her first question was “What were you doing that you didn’t pick up my call? I won’t be surprised if you tell me you were busy with your American girlfriend.” I screamed, “Hey hey hey, stop it right there. Don’t add this to your records. Who’s my American girlfriend? Why do you always want to make a serious case out of nothing?”

I thought this will end there. I was wrong.

She saw me online on Whatsapp and texted, “Busy with your American girlfriend? I’ll leave you to enjoy the afternoon with her. Enjoy your life.” I didn’t respond. Hours later she called. She asked, “So you mean you didn’t see the message I sent you? Why didn’t you respond? Oh, so what I said was true. You were too busy with the American girl that you didn’t bother to respond to my message. If you’re fed up with me, please say it and I’ll leave you alone. There are men out there who are ready to be my superhero too.”

It’s not as if when new issues come she leaves the old ones ooo. She’ll combine all of them and make it a daily hot point whenever she wants to argue. I’m the guy who puts sugar where salt is needed. I’m Aboabo super hero. The funny thing is, we don’t even live in Aboabo. Until recently, I didn’t know where Aboabo was. I’m also the boyfriend of an American lady. My past mistakes never rest. As and when they are needed, they are resurrected.

I thought my mom was worse. I grew up and left her shackles only to find myself in a worse one. As I said, if this relationship ends up in marriage as the two of us expect it to, it’s going to be a long journey for me. It would mean I didn’t get a break from my childhood. It will mean my mistakes will compound and be used against me every day.

I will need a divine source of patience to be able to go through that. I’ve advised her on countless occasions. On birthdays, we ask each other what we could do to improve our relationship. We’ve celebrated six birthdays between us and on each birthday when I’m asked that question, I tell her, “If only you’ll let the past stay in the past and not make issues out of issueless things, our relationship would be better.” She’ll ask for clarifications and I’ll give her plenty. She’ll be soft and say, “I didn’t know you didn’t like it. I’ll stop it.”

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She never does and it’s the reason I’m here today. Am I right to be scared of a future with her? Will it get serious or she’ll change as she grows? My mom never changed. She grew sharper with age. On her sick bed, she reminded me of how I misplaced her money and warned me not to misplace the money meant her drugs. The money she was talking about came from me but she reminded me not to misplace it. It looks like I was born to be treated this way by the women in my life. Is that right?

— Joe

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