I was twenty-one when I got married five years ago. My husband was not my first choice. In fact, I turned him down when he first proposed love to me in 2017. He was persistent even though I told him I wasn’t interested. Day and night, he was at the door of my heart. He didn’t give up until he got what he wanted. I caved and agreed to be with him.

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Two years down the line, another man came along. I fell in love with him the moment I met him. I said yes the minute he proposed to me. I already had a man but Joe felt right. Every fibre of my being said he was the one for me. So I chose him and ended things with John.

While I made Joe the centre of my world, he was not serious about me. Everything about our relationship was a game to him. The entire time he was being inconsistent with me, John was in the shadows, begging me to take him back.

One day I sat down and accessed my life with the two men.

Although I did not love John, he was crazy about me. For that matter, he treated me like his queen. Joe, on the other hand, treated me as if I was someone he didn’t care to lose. I decided I didn’t want to be with a partner who found me disposable. I left him after we dated for three months. I ran as fast as my feet could carry me into John’s waiting arms.

That was when I fully chose John. I had found out for myself that it was better to be with someone who loved me than to be with somebody who made me feel I was forcing myself on him. I blocked Joe everywhere and deleted his number.

Everything went back to normal after that. I was the doting girlfriend to a fault. I was just willing to do whatever I needed to do to make John happy. I wanted the relationship to work. Then I found out two months after we got back together that I was pregnant.

I wasn’t ready for a baby at the time. I didn’t even inform John about it before I went to the hospital with the intention to get rid of it. It just happened that the doctor insisted I get a scan first. It was then I found out I was five months along.

“Oh shit! It’s too late to get rid of it,” I thought. Per my calculations, John and I were not together at the time I conceived. It was Joe’s baby but I had already cut off all contact with him. What better choice did I have? I gave the pregnancy to John.

I expected him to ask questions but this man was happy at the prospect of fatherhood. He married me almost immediately. That way the baby would be born in the confines of marriage.

I’m supposed to be relieved, happy even, that I got away with this big lie but my conscience has been judging me harshly since we got married.

At some point, I opened up to him about my history with Joe. I talked about everything except the part where the pregnancy might not be his.

Again, this was another opportunity for him to ask questions. He didn’t. Rather, he told me; “It’s a good thing you two broke up. If not, you would have given my child to him.”

Riding on his statement, I jokingly asked him, “So what if our child isn’t yours?”

“Oh, he is mine. I know that if he wasn’t mine he wouldn’t be alive right now.”

I kept quiet immediately and allowed the conversation to end there.

Now here’s my problem. I’ve been trying to get pregnant again, but nothing has happened. I’ve been to several pastors and Alfas. They all tell me one thing: “You are not with the right man. You won’t have another child unless you leave him.”

I believe them but leaving him is not something I plan to do. He is a good man. I have seen enough about men to know that his type is rare.

John is not wealthy but he takes good care of us. There’s nothing I need that he doesn’t provide. He is intentional about making me happy. Who would leave a marriage like this?

I have gone for medical checkups and the doctors say I am fine. My husband, however, has refused to go to the hospital. I have advised him several times to go get tested but he says he is fine.

I don’t want to leave him but the pressure from his family to have another child is becoming unbearable. I even suggested, “Why don’t you take a second wife and see if she can bear more kids for you?”

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“I don’t need another woman. You are more than enough for me.”

This means he tries to put a baby inside me every chance he gets. Feeling the weight of his body on me is no longer pleasant when it’s made to feel like a chore. I’ve started losing interest in him because of this. These days I even get irritated when he touches me intimately.

I Was The Man In The Relationship And He Didn’t Like It

I don’t know what to do. I wish there was a way I can find out everything is fine with him. But here lies the case where he is not willing to take the necessary steps. How do I give his family what they want then?

—Eniola

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