My girlfriend and I were in bed one night when I said to her, “I need to ask you some questions. And it’s important that you tell me the truth. Also, I don’t want you to get angry because of the nature of the questions. Just answer them truthfully.” She looked at me with confusion written all over her face. All she said was, “Just go ahead and ask your questions, and stop all these disclaimers you are issuing.”

I only asked her three questions. The first one was, “Are you seeing someone else apart from me?” She raised her eyebrows at me and said, “No. Where is this coming from?” I told her I was just asking out of curiosity. She then asked if that was all and I told her to hold on. The next question I asked was, “Are you sleeping with your ex?” At this point, she was offended.

She screamed, “What is wrong with you? You say you want to ask me questions but you are just accusing me of cheating? What is the meaning of this?” I tried to keep her calm by reminding her to answer my question truthfully without getting angry. Luckily, she took a deep breath and answered, “No, I haven’t had anything to do with my ex.” I then asked, “If it’s not your ex, is it another man? Are you sleeping with someone else?” She wasn’t happy with my questions but she calmly replied, “No, you are the only man in my life. Now, you have to tell me why you are asking all these insulting questions.”

Before God and man, this was my reply, “ I am only asking these questions because there’s a belief that when a man is not doing well financially, it’s because his woman is messing around with other men. And these days I am struggling financially. My money and goods keep getting locked up. So please, if you are doing any of those things stop it so that I can get money. When the money comes, we will both enjoy it.” That’s all I said. I was very calm and polite about it too so she wouldn’t get offended.

Unfortunately, my girlfriend got upset. She said I called her bad luck, and that she will never step foot in my house again. I didn’t mean any malice by what I said. So that night I pleaded with her, “I am sorry that you feel that way but that’s not what I meant. Forgive me.” Sadly, she didn’t forgive me.

I have apologized so many times but she is still mad at me. She is telling me we should break up. She says, “Just because things are a little slow for you financially, I am a cheat who is bringing you bad luck. What else will you accuse me of if you face more challenges in the future? I don’t want to wait and see for myself so it’s better we end things now.” Nothing I have said is enough for her to let it go.

For about two weeks now, I have been begging her to forget about everything I said so we move on but she insists she doesn’t want me anymore. I promised to work on myself so my insecurities don’t get in the way of our happiness anymore but she still says no. She has started treating me like an ex, but I am not ready for that.

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I believe that if I fight hard for her and let her understand that she is all I want, and that I messed up when I asked her those questions, she would forgive me. The question is, how do I make her understand that I am truly sorry so she will forgive me? I love her very much. The mere thought of not having her in my life anymore gives me sleepless nights and fills me with deep pain.

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I am asking the readers on this page, did I do anything wrong by asking her those questions? Even if I did something wrong, is it so bad that she shouldn’t forgive me? At this point, I am beginning to wonder if she was already looking for a way out, and I unwittingly played into her hands.

I dream about her every night I close my eyes, and it hurts my heart that the only time I see her these days is in my dreams. That’s why I am so restless at night that I barely get any sleep. I have apologized to her in so many different ways but nothing positive came out of any of them. So I need your help. What else can I do to communicate my remorse? I know I cannot eat back my words, but what can I do to make her forget them so we can move on with our lives? I miss her so much.

—Collins

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