I swore off men after things went sour between me and my ex. The relationship was so toxic that all my friends were visibly happy when we broke up. I on the other hand was heartbroken and somewhat traumatized by the things he put me through. For two years I stayed away from men or anything to do with love. I told myself I was taking my time to heal properly, but I had healed. I was just too afraid to put myself out there again. Whenever a man approached me I would think, “What if he is nice right now but he turns out to be my ex in the end? Or even worse than him? No, I can’t go through all that drama again.” Then I would ignore the person.

I continued to hide from love till I got to my final year at the university. My heart was hidden under a rock but Cupid’s arrow still go to me. The guy who changed everything is called Chris. One of the things that struck me about him is his love for God. Before I even started having deep conversations with him I knew he was a devout Christian. There was just this presence around him that I felt whenever he came close to me. When Chris asked me to give him my heart, I couldn’t say no to him. I couldn’t run and hide as I did with everyone who came before him. I said, “Yes, I will do this. But I want a Christian relationship. We will not have any sexual relations until marriage.” He smiled, “I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

Shortly after we started dating he started talking about marriage. I was still in school so I told him, “Wait, let me complete school and get a job before we settle down. For now, let’s just get to know each other.” He agreed to wait. And while he waited, he never for once tried to initiate anything sexual into the relationship. And I appreciated him for that. He truly was God-fearing, loving, and very humble.

I knew we were together but I kept waiting for him to do something that would prove to me that he was not serious about me. Instead, he went to see my pastor and made his intentions to marry me known to him. That was the turning point in the relationship for me. I let go of all my doubts and fears and allowed myself to fully commit to him. Thankfully, I don’t regret giving him my all.

After I completed school, we went for the marriage list from my family and started buying the items one by one. Right now, we have bought almost everything on the list. All we are left to do is to plan the marriage ceremony. However, something unfortunate happened before we could do that. Chris’ boss travelled and sold their company to someone else. The new person came with his own staff and laid off Chris and his colleagues. He was devasted by the news, and so was I. Our marriage plans had to come to a halt because of this.

His mother encouraged us, “Just because Chris lost his job does not mean you cannot get married. Go ahead and have a small ceremony, only between families. After that, you can come and live with me. I will support you any way I can.” Her proposition looks good on paper but I know her too well to take her up on her offer. She is a mean woman who maltreats her own son because he lost his job. I can’t imagine what she would do to us if we get married and move into her house. We would become like toothpicks in her mouth. So we turned down her proposal.

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What really hurts me is that she has told everyone who wants to help Chris not to do so. Chris’ brother in Canada wanted to help him set up something but their mother advised her eldest son against it. She told him to use the money to invite her to Canada instead. We were very sad when we heard this but there was nothing we could do but pray for God’s intervention. Whenever someone tries to help Chris, this woman would tell lies to make her son look untrustworthy. She told Chris, “Every little thing, let’s pray about it. Let’s ask God to do this and let’s ask God to take control. All you do is disturb me with prayers. So why don’t you ask God to come down from heaven and come help your finances?” It’s one thing for strangers or acquaintances to say this to Chris, but to hear his own mother say things like this to him is just painful.

My parents are not aware of what is going on. I have not told them that Chris lost his job and is struggling to stand on his feet. I don’t want them to see him any differently than they do. The problem now is, my family doesn’t understand why we have not proceeded with the marriage ceremony. I have given them so many excuses that I have none left to give. I have prayed fervently and asked God to intervene but we are yet to see results.

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Chris has a degree in applied biology, and five years of experience working as a laboratory technician. We hoped that with his qualifications, he wouldn’t take too long on the job market, but none of the job applications we’ve submitted has yielded any results. I don’t know what else we can do, especially with the way his mother is treating him. I don’t even understand why a mother would treat her own child the way Chris’ mother treats him. I don’t have anyone to talk to about this, and that’s why I am sharing my story here. What do you advise we do to fix things between my fiance and his mother?

–Irene

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