I met my girlfriend when she was at her lowest ebb. She was going through one of the worst heartbreaks. The guy she had been dating for six years had left her without any reason. She was crying often and lacked the motivation to even step outside and face the world. She said, “I think he had found a new girl. I know the girl. They were close. I saw the signs. I asked about it but he denied it. It’s the same girl he’s going out with.”

I was with her throughout the pain. Comforted her. Took her out and did everything to make her forget about the breakup. The process was long and boring but I did my best. “In the end, to heal or not to heal rests in your hands,” I told her. There were days I saw her talking to the guy. She was trying to get him to change his mind but six months later, the guy got married. That brought her to ground zero. She cried, got depressed but I couldn’t do much to help.

Months later, she accepted my proposal.

There were days she mentioned her ex’s name when she was actually referring to me. I forgave her. Things like that happen and I didn’t expect her to forget him that easily. We’ve dated for two years. I won’t say we haven’t had problems. We’ve had a lot of problems—problems all lovers go through. The most important thing is that we fight fair and put in a lot of effort to solve whatever the problem is.

Some months ago, we started talking about marriage. She didn’t have a sustainable job so she told me, “I need to get a permanent job first. I need to be able to carry myself before learning to carry other things.” So, she was in the job market looking for another job. One morning she called to tell me, “A friend called Joshua has agreed to help me find a new job. He has recommended me to few friends and the prospect looks good.” I said, “The most important thing is to get a job. I pray it happens for you very soon.

I would see her talking on the phone for hours. When I ask, she would tell me, “It’s Joshua. He’s giving me tips for the next interview.” She would stay out till late and wouldn’t pick my calls. Later in the night, she would call. “Where have you been, I’ve been calling you,” I would ask. She would respond, “I was with Joshua. He was helping with something.”

I started feeling uneasy about the rate at which she mentioned Joshua’s name. I complained about it sometimes and she said, “You should be grateful, not jealous. This is a guy going out of his way to help me find a job. The least you can do is appreciate.”

I didn’t talk about them again. The job was also not coming so they kept talking. One evening, she posted something on Facebook and her ex came to comment, “Please check your inbox.”

Check inbox? Are these two people talking again?

So I started snooping. One day I was able to get into her phone. I went to her Messenger and saw the chats between them. The guy gave her a number to call. He said, “He might want to see you as soon as possible.” Two days later, she responded, “I met him. I don’t like his offer. I think I would patiently wait to hear from your HR.”

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I went to her WhatsApp and saw the chat between her and Joshua. I checked the DP. It was the photo of her ex. I was like, “So all this while it’s him she’s calling Joshua?” Why the change of name? I went through the chats. They’ve met on several occasions. They’ve called each other with a lot of endearing names like sugar, babe, dear, love, etc. I was looking for evidence of infidelity but nothing was conclusive. Some of the chats had been deleted. It was obvious.

I was shocked and confused at the same time.

I confronted her. She apologized for lying about him. She also apologized for not telling me about the job search with her ex. I asked, “Have you done anything with him?” She said, “I’m not stupid. Considering what he did to me, I’m surprised you’ll think that low of me.” I said, “You call him Sugar. You call him babe. What shows nothing had happened?  She said, “I’m doing all that because he’s helping me to find a job, something I need more than anything.”

I didn’t have enough evidence so I let it slide but I didn’t stop thinking something was going on between them. These guys dated for six years. Anything can happen.

To rub salt in an old wound, one month ago she told me she had gotten a job. Guess where she’s working now, in her ex’s office. Her ex succeeded in getting her a job where he works. From what I’ve read from their messages and what I’ve seen, I can’t sleep with my eyes closed knowing these two guys are closer to each other than I’m closer to her. It’s giving me sleepless nights and the more I think of it, the more I want to let her go.

Am I making a mountain out of a molehill or I have enough reasons to believe there’s something going on between these two guys?

You should see the look in her eyes whenever she’s talking about her ex. All of a sudden, she had forgotten everything the guy did to her and rather talk about him as if he’s an angel. Her actions don’t make it easier for me to believe there’s nothing going on but then again, I might be wrong. Maybe I’m being insecure or overly jealous.

–General 

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