At the time I met my girlfriend, she was in between jobs. She worked as a software programmer while I do a lot of retailing in the informal market. Because I knew she didn’t have any source of income, I didn’t have any expectations of her when it came to money.
She is a good woman with solid family values. That’s something I love about her. We have been together for two and a half years, and things have been good so far. My only concern right now has to do with money.
Ever since the relationship started, I have been paying for everything. Whenever we went on trips, I paid for all the expenses we made. Every time we sat in a car together, I paid for the cost. When she needs a new phone, I buy it. When we had to stay the night at a hotel, it was on me. And every time we went shopping, she watched me pay for every single item. In the beginning, I didn’t complain because I knew she couldn’t afford to pay for stuff.
However, eight months ago, I used one of my contacts to get her a good job. It’s a big firm in Accra so she earns a lot of money. I was happy about this. I thought that with the changes in her finances, she would pick up some responsibilities in the relationship. Imagine my surprise when I discovered that I was wrong.
My girlfriend never has money for anything. When I ask her, “Don’t you get paid at your job? What do you use the money for?” She tells me, “My money is meant to be saved. You are the man so it’s your job to pay for everything in the relationship.” I tried to reason with her that it shouldn’t be the case. But that’s the way she sees it. No other way makes sense to her.
She believes she is not doing anything wrong but I honestly feel I am getting the short end of the stick. We have started talking about marriage. Judging from the way she is talking, she is not going to lift a finger to help in the home financially. This is what is bothering me.
I have explained to her that I don’t expect her to part with all her income but she should at least make the effort every once in a while to contribute something to the relationship. She could buy some data bundles. She could use her own money to buy some groceries if she wants to cook. What about fuel? She could even surprise me and take us out on a date.
Let’s not forget gift contributions. She could buy me some clothes. Any gesture at all she makes, I will appreciate it. I just need to know that she is thinking about me when she pays for something I usually pay for. Unfortunately, that’s not the case. I always find myself buying and paying for stuff we both use.
If I marry her, wouldn’t this be the rest of my life? I would have to be working round the clock, just so I could be paying for everything at home. I would have to take care of myself, our children, our families,?and her. How am I supposed to do this all on my own? What happens if my business is slow? Or what if I lose an investment? I have read and heard stories of how women change toward their husbands when money stops flowing like it used to.
READ ALSO: I Am Finally Ready To Move On After Six Pregnancies
She brought a wedding plan and I asked her, “How much do you intend to contribute toward this wedding?” She threw her head back, laughed, and then said; “I don’t have money to contribute. Stop playing.” So she expects me to pay for everything concerning our marriage ceremonies all by myself. I just told her; “Let’s wait till we are on the same page when it comes to money.”
I’ve Thought About How To Blame God
She has been moody since I put things on hold. I have also been spending some time rethinking my intentions to marry her. I know that marriage in itself is not an easy journey to embark on. I also know that it is easier if the couple are one. We should hold each other’s hands and support each other through challenging moments. How can we have this when the woman I want to marry believes I should be solely responsible for our financial comfort?
I feel like marrying her will be equivalent to trapping myself in a financial prison. Am I right? Apart from this issue, she is the perfect woman for me. So I am not ready to lose her. How do I resolve this challenge for our relationship to move to the next level? I need all the advice I can get.
SHARE | Help Others See It Too
—Obed
This story you just read was sent to us by someone just like you. We know you have a story too. Email it to us at [email protected]. You can also drop your number and we will call you so you tell us your story.
#SB
Hmm…. This your issue is hard but it’s not hard. I have not been married before but at least, we’ve read stories, listened to couples and we’ve learned that, whatever happens during the relationship, you get a double of it in the marriage. So my brother, give this whole thing a good thought before you get into it
Obed all I can say is that if you get married to her things will still be the same. She won’t help you financially. All your children’s bill will be on you. Even if they get sick and she has the money she won’t use it, she will call for you to send the money. You cant teach an old dog a new trick.The fact that it is an old dog does not make it useless. This is her weakness so you have to be her strength. Every one is brought up differently so they do and approach things differently. If you think you can’t go on doing this ,then just communicate it to her. I guess the reason y she is doing all this is because in the beginning you created the picture that you can do all without her input so you now telling her to support you looks wierd to her. Me nua fa wo ho adwene because according to her she is saving so you to cut down on the unnecessary spending and also save money. This world is full of unexpected surprises. Ow) sika mpo ni na won boa wo. Hmm 3nee asem beba da bi. Finance has put you in a dilemma with her and its causing a rift between you two. What makes you think marrying her will make a difference 🤔. She doing all these doesn’t make her bad. Growth doesn’t occur over night. You just have to water her like the flower that she is so she can blossom into something beautiful. Search within you and you will find all the answers you need. If you know you can’t go on with the marriage let her go. She is a good woman so do all that you can to keep her. There is nobody without a weakness. Be her strength.
My guy, as a married man I will advise you to rethink your marriage with her. Now think about it. What if you marry her and then lose your job? Play the scenario in mind and advise yourself. A lady who doesn’t want to spend in a boyfriend-girlfriend relationship will definitely not spend in a husband-wife relationship
My 12 years of marriage experience is that don’t marry her; if my wife did that to I’d have called for VAR! She’d stress you more in marriage
You are absolutely right. Dating is the training grounds for marriage, a prelude. Partners adjust and compomise so that by the time the wedding is due they are practically molded to live together as man and wife. If after two years plus of dating she will not compromise on contributing financially, then she never will going into marriage. It’s too large a red flag to ignore. You are right to put on the breaks. If she will not yield, take a bow. She’s a good woman, yes, but there are equally good women who support their spouses without batting an eyelid!
My dear Obed, you see relationship is not all the about positive things, it also has negative. Nobody is perfect so that’s her imperfection. If you can deal with it marry her, if not then don’t.
We women naturally have to be compassionate, caring, empathetic and generous.
What every person looks out for in his/her respective future spouse is subjective ,that’s why one’s bad wife is another person’s perfect wife.
So know what you want in your future wife and base on that take the final decision.
Remember every woman has her own cross.
A word to the wise is in the east. Think twice