My boyfriend has a child—a six-year-old son. According to the story he told me, he and the mother of his son had a bitter breakup. When the pregnancy came, he wanted to marry her but the lady said no. Unbeknownst to him, the lady had her eyes on another man who was coming to Ghana to marry her.
The man came to Ghana. The lady, I think, did something with the man while she was in the early stages of pregnancy. The man didn’t know it. When the pregnancy occurred, she named the man as the father and not my boyfriend.
My boyfriend said he was shocked but leaving the picture wasn’t easy for him. He went to beg the lady to speak the truth but the lady maintained the pregnancy was for the other man abroad. Later, the man did the maths and denied the pregnancy. Even when the man had denied the pregnancy, the lady maintained it was for the man until she delivered and DNA was done which proved the man wasn’t the father.
When the lady decided to give the child to my boyfriend, it was his time to flex so he also swore heaven and earth he wasn’t going to accept a pregnancy that had been given to another man. That was where the acrimony started. The two families sat on the case, apologies were exchanged, another DNA was done that proved my boyfriend was the father.
Even after the DNA, my boyfriend continued to stay out of the life of his baby mama and the child until the lady took him to social welfare to demand support from my boyfriend. My boyfriend started paying child support from that point on.
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All this happened before I walked into the frame. The child was four years old when I entered the photo. I listened to his story with keen ears, looking for where he erred so I would learn a lesson for the future of our relationship. I ended up with pity when he said, “I’ve had it rough with women but I trust you won’t do that to me.”
He doesn’t have a job that pays him over the top salary but he hardly defaults when it comes to child support. I think it’s the first thing he pays when his salary arrives. I admire that in him. It makes me see his commitment to things and that assures me safety in his love.
I earn a better income than him. While he has one source of income, I have three. He’s aware of our income disparity so anytime he has financial problems, he runs to me and I help him. He takes loans that he never pays back. In the name of love, I don’t demand it from him. I write them off as bad debts but that doesn’t also stop me from helping him in the future. I did come to his rescue because he did things that told me he would have done the same for me.
When we started talking about marriage, I told him I wouldn’t spend a penny where he had to spend. “I don’t want to use my money for the marriage,” I told him. “Of course, I will help where it’s very necessary but there are areas I won’t put money there no matter what. Be the man.”
He understood my point and based on the series of conversations we had, he performed the knocking and was given a list. We agreed on a date for the marriage but three months to the said date, I couldn’t see anything happening so I asked what was going on. He told me, “Unfortunately, we have to extend the date. Things are not looking the way I thought they would.”
That was the first time we extended the date. We had to extend the date again because he didn’t have the funds to buy all the things on the list and also fund his part of the wedding. When he suggested the third extension, I didn’t take it easily. I asked what the problem was. I wasn’t going to accept the generic excuses he gave me for the last two extensions so I asked him to be honest and tell me the truth.
He said, “The money I pay as child support is draining me. Not only that. School fees and bills keep piling up. I can hardly save.”
He went on and on about how his baby mama has taken their child to an expensive school she knows he can’t afford and also how she takes the child to expensive clinics when he’s sick knowing very well his pocket can’t support. I told him to go back to social welfare and restructure the arrangement to suit his current income. He told me he intended to do that after marriage.
Days later, he called with a plea. He said I should help him pay child support until he’s able to make things right since I’ve decided not to help with the wedding. I didn’t say I wouldn’t help with the wedding. I said I wasn’t going to pay for the things a man ought to pay for so it wouldn’t be like I’m getting married to myself. I want my husband to be the husband so I can be the wife.
I told him I wouldn’t be able to pay child support since that’s one of his responsibilities. I reminded him to restructure the arrangement as soon as possible so he could have breathing space from the baby mama. He doesn’t think that’s the problem. He thinks I’m the problem because I said I wouldn’t be able to help in that direction.
Days ago, he told me not to talk about the wedding again until he decides he’s ready. I don’t have a problem but I told him, “I’m not going to wait forever, you should know.”
He accused me of doing the same thing other women did to him when I had promised to be a different woman. He thinks I’m the problem because I won’t spend my money on child support—a child who’s not mine. This is a man I’ve supported in so many ways but this time around, I’m the problem. I’m the reason we haven’t been able to marry because I’ve refused to help him.
She Took My ATM And Stole Money From My Account
I want to know if my stance is wrong. I want a man who will be a man in every situation. You have a child with another woman. Man it. You want to marry me and call me your wife. Man it. I’ve proven to him beyond any reasonable doubt that I will be his support. I want him to see that and be convinced that I’m a good woman for him but because I decided not to pay child support, I’m the problem.
What do you think? Am I being unreasonable? I can wait for him as long as it’s reasonable. But a woman can’t wait forever. That’s what he doesn’t understand.
— Sarpomaa
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Actually, the lady had really tried and I didn’t expect her doing more than that. Women with good heart should not be taken for granted and if the boyfriend can’t take responsibility, the woman is not at fault if she moves on. Best of luck.
My lady please run from this guy
This is a huge red flag. Your problem will compound immensely after marriage. Think fast and think far
He shouldn’t feel entitled to someone’s money. His baby mama can also support him.
If you truly want the man, and you think he’s worth it, then work together with him before and after the marriage. If he had the money and you didn’t, would it be okay if he paid for everything for you to enjoy? Sit down together and determine exactly how much money you need for the marriage and all other things. Plan how you are going to handle the child-support and his low-income issues. The tables could turn some day, and you will be at the receiving end. Unless of course you want to be married to your money.
But it is you that want the marriage. I understand the lady if she is doing the things she claims she does but at the same time, you’re the one looking to get married sooner, not the guy.
Another lesson I have learned is that women will always shift responsibility to men and claim to be the men. It is the man that should do that or this. After that marriage, they will be saying you are the same in the marriage. You will become equal to the same woman who claims you are the man.
During divorce, the same women would preach a different story about who the man is. Please, men, don’t allow any women to burden you with “be the man”
at the end of the day, your children will send money to their mother first
the woman can turn you against your children
They will ask for the largest proportion in a divorce
Your money is your money don’t let anyone else coerce you into thinking differently. Secondly you have no business with how he handles his baby mama drama and child support. Don’t be pushed into that and make it look as if you are desperate for marriage. Someone said unless you want to get married to your money, yes its best to be married to your money than to a man who feels entitled to your money, currently you are not his wife so think with your head and not your heart. Move on if you can.
I’m with you, Mrs! This man is a shameless opportunist. He is trying guilt-trip the lady into paying school fees for his son. My dear, he will never stop. After you pay. for the marriage he will not contribute to housekeeping or any other domestic responsibility. You’re right there’s no way the social welfare will force him to send a child to a school beyond his means.