When women dream of motherhood, I doubt any of us imagine leaving our children motherless in this world. When we plan out our whole lives with our children, we pray for the grace to watch them grow old and even start their own families before the good lord calls us home. This is what most mothers including my sister expected when they conceived.

Unfortunately for us, my sister went into the labour ward with all her plans with her baby in her heart but she did not return to us. Her baby who is a beautiful baby boy, arrived on earth just when his mother was leaving. As cruel and tragic as her demise was, we did not allow it to taint the gift she left us, her son.

Right from the moment Nana was a baby, I have been his mother. I have nursed him and nurtured him for the past five years. My parents also pitch in to help take care of him when I have to go to work or do other things. Currently, I have moved away from home. So he lives with my parents. Nonetheless, he still knows me as his mother.

I am not happy that we are not living together at the moment but I am putting a few things together before I would bring him to me. In the meantime, I go home to see him when I get the chance. When my leave aligns with his kindergarten breaks, he comes over for the holidays. This arrangement, although not ideal, has kept the mother-son bond we’ve built intact.

Now, here is the problem. I am in a relationship with this amazing man. At least, I was sure he was amazing. We are planning to tie the knot soon. Most of our conversations are about the subject. We talk about the ceremony we will have. We also talk about the kind of family we will raise. He has a thirteen-year-old daughter who just wrote her BECE.

When he told me about her, I was not put off. I accepted her wholeheartedly. I love this child the way I would love a daughter I birthed. She lives with her grandparents but whenever she comes around we match dresses, sing together, and play games.

I always envisioned our family together; me, my fiancé, his daughter, and my son. All four of us as one big happy family. But that image was shattered when my fiancé said something yesterday after church that hurt me.

We were speaking on the phone when he said, “Tilly, you should know that when we get married, Nana won’t live with us.” I was stunned into silence as he went on; “We need to build our own family. Which does not involve him. So he should continue to live with your parents even after the ceremony.”

READ ALSO: I Hope Love Doesn’t Come Knocking On My Heart Again

When he finished talking I responded, “If that’s the case then we should start our family afresh. It should just be the two of us until we start having kids. No other child will come and live with us after marriage.” I was only following his lead but he got angry.

I could hear the frustration in his voice when he said, “What do you mean no other child? Nestella is my daughter. Right after the wedding ceremony, she will move in. She needs to experience the presence and love of both mother and father.” I was surprised he could say this about his daughter but not my son. Why would a reasonable person say a thirteen-year-old needs the affection of both parents but not a five-year-old?

He Got Me Pregnant And Also Got His Ex Pregnant


I was angry and hurt but I tried to remain calm as I asked him, “What about Nana? Doesn’t he also deserve to grow up in a home with both parents?” When he hesitated to respond, I added, “According to what you said, if we should only start with the two of us as a family then nobody should bring in their child. We will start our family with children we both have together.” His emotions were all over the place after I said this. But I was merely repeating his own words to him.

Now he says, he needs to rethink his decision to marry me because of what l said. I want to know if what l said is bad. And l am also thinking about not going forward with the marriage again. There is a saying that if you love me, love my dog. If l can accommodate your luggage but you cannot accommodate mine then are we really partners? What’s even the point of getting married in the first place?

— Tilly 

This story you just read was sent to us by someone just like you. We know you have a story too. Email it to us at [email protected]. You can also drop your number and we will call you so you tell us your story.

#SB