Yesterday, My boyfriend insulted my dad in front of me. I’ll forgive everything but it’s hard for me to let this one go. My dad has always been good to him. We’ve dated for two years and a few months. Anytime he came home to visit, my dad accepted him as his child and treated him with respect and kindness.
We are not a wealthy family but what we lack in money, we have it in abundance when it comes to love and respect. I don’t need to say everything my dad has done for his children but the fact that all five of us have completed the university is something I’m proud of and would always be grateful for.
My boyfriend came home with his family to do knocking. The dowry list was given to him and they left. That evening, he started acting cold. I wanted to know what was on the list so we could start preparing. When I asked him, he told me, “I better not talk about it.”
I sensed the ice in his voice so I went to his place. He told me, “It looks like your father wants to use me as a poverty alleviation program. Does he understand what he wrote on the list?”
I took the list and went through one after the other. Some of the things listed were on the high side but that didn’t give him the right to say that about my dad right in front of me. I pointed out to him that what he said was wrong. There’s always a way around such issues. He screamed, “If he wants to get rich overnight through you, then he should count me out. I’m not ready to do that.”
My Husband Doesn’t Know That I Know His Affair Partner Is Pregnant
I left his place crying but he didn’t bother to say sorry or say anything to calm me down. I got home and decided until he apologizes, I’m not going back to the arrangement. I’ve told him. He says I should rather advise my dad. Do you think we both have a future? Looking at what’s happening?
— Fafa
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Your boy friend has started displaying his lack of negotiation and conflict resolution skills.
But Ghanain parents should also be considerate in terms of this marriage list thing.
Oh but he didn’t insult your dad, he just didn’t know how to get you on board to reduce the list in a nice way, but give him chance and talk to him
What he said was no insult. Just sit down with him and plan the way forward. Don’t let your anger get the best of you.
It wasn’t exactly an insult but the fact that he could say that connotes a lack of respect towards your father. He has also shown he is not matured in dealing with family stuff. He went with elders. If he feels the list is exorbitant, then he should communicate with them so that they go back and negotiate on things. That’s tradition. I also understand his frustration but he not being able to calm himself down to figure things out with you is a big no. When you guys get married there might be some conflicts that might come from either side of the family. Is this how he’s always going to react? My dear, try and talk to him again but also be mindful of how he is reacting now. Ask yourself if you can live with that. All the best to you.
Hahaha, this isn’t an insult but he could have said it in an appropriate manner
Lack of maturity. teach him the basics ethics and negotiate afterwards
The demands on the list has blown off his mind
You’re off to a bumpy start. The most important thing is that he is did not verbalize his frustration in front of your dad. That for me would have been a No No. His choice of words is unacceptable and for that he must apologize. If and when he does that you must be prepared to accept the apology and not hold it against him, ever. Otherwise that grudge no matter how small will grow and toxify your marriage. If you think you can’t move past it, then forget about the marriage. On the other hand you can be the mediator to soften your dad’s stance in preparation for a renegotiated list.