My dad is a security agent. He works for two different companies on a shift system, so he’s rarely home. My mom, on the other hand, was a trader. She owned a big provisions (grocery) shop. Even though it was a family business, she ran it alone. My dad only supported her financially and supervised whenever he was around.

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There’s this man we knew as my mother’s friend. He was mostly around when my dad wasn’t. He helped out at the shop, drove her to the market on market days, and sometimes helped transport goods for the shop.

To my dad, he was just a driver rendering services for our business. To us, the children, he was simply an “uncle.” But I started to notice things that didn’t sit well with me. This man was too comfortable in our home.

He’d come around at very odd hours. He would walk into our house without knocking. You would think he owned the place or lived there with us. And my mum didn’t mind. She would even cook and serve him using my father’s plates. Maybe, it wouldn’t have seemed off to me if this happened in my dad’s presence.

One day, I went out and came home quite late. While I was walking by the visitor’s room, I heard some noise in there. The place was supposed to be unoccupied so I got curious.

I walked into the room, turned on the light, and there in the bed were my mother and the driver in a compromising position. By this I mean, there was not even a stitch of clothing on their bodies.

I froze for a minute and mumbled an inaudible, “Sorry,” as I turned as I backed away from the room.

The next morning, she called me. She apologized. Said she was sorry I had to see that.

“Your father is a good man. I love him but he is always away. I know you are old enough to know these things but there are things you won’t understand until you experience them. This is one of them.”

She was right. I am old enough to understand their marital problems. That’s why I was surprised when she said my father was too busy to meet her needs. I knew for a fact that my dad always reported her to her family and our church because of intimacy issues. From the snippets I gathered, my mother always denied him access to her body. This has been the main issue in their marriage for years.

Regardless, I didn’t say anything when she justified her affair. I just listened to her and said okay.

“Promise me you won’t tell your father.”

“I won’t breathe a word of this to him,” I promised.

After that night, my mother became bold. She stopped hiding the affair from me. She’d cook and ask me to deliver it to the man. This went on for months.

I was uncomfortable with it but I decided to mind my business. I told myself she was not a child. She knows what she’s doing. If this is what brings her peace, then who am I to say otherwise? I’m just her daughter. What power do I even have?

By January, everything exploded. It happened late at night.

I was asleep when I heard a loud noise from the living room. I jumped out of bed, and without thinking, rushed toward the commotion.

I was horrified to find my dad fighting my mother and her lover. My father was furious. Violent. I tried to hold him back, but he was too strong. The only thing I could do next was stand between them.

It worked. It got my dad to restrain himself. However, my mother’s lover seized the opportunity and started insulting my father.

“You’re a weak man. Do you know why your wife stopped sleeping with you for years? Even your daughter supports us. She brings me food cooked by your wife, funded with your money. How does that feel?”

The brokenness on my father’s face when he looked at me crushed my heart.

He lashed out, “Pack your things and go live with your new father,” he said. “Since you support this nonsense.”

He said I was a traitor. I didn’t do anything wrong but according to him, I should have told him what was going on, not carry food to the man.

When he kicked my mother out, he insisted I follow her. Life hasn’t been the same since. Food, bills, everything is a struggle. He took the shop from her so she has nothing.

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She doesn’t even have the strength to go out and hustle anymore. As for me, my father cut me off completely. I was supposed to apply to the university this year but he says he doesn’t want anything to do with my education.

Every time I try to talk to him he tells me, “Go to go to your new father. You think he is a better man than me, right?”

I Was The Man In The Relationship And He Didn’t Like It

I want to know if indeed I did anything wrong. I was just minding my business. Why should I be punished for that?

I’ve tried to involve our extended family, but nothing has changed. What else can I do to make sure my father doesn’t abandon me? Can I involve the law? The most frustrating part in all this is that the man who caused all this has completely disappeared from our lives.

— Akua

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