I am a young woman who runs a successful handbag shop that my baby daddy established for me. I also work as a home tutor while studying Theater Arts at the university.

Seven years ago, I entered into a contractual co-parenting relationship with a 30-year-old pharmacist, an only son. We met at his pharmacy when I went to get some medication. He was calm and seemed like a gentleman. Although I was in a hurry to get out of there, his smile had me slowing down. It was a kind smile.

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He asked if we could be friends and I said, “Sure, we can.”

Little did I know that saying yes to that friendship would bring me to a place where we would be having conversations about having kids together. No, we were not in love. At least, I know I wasn’t. I didn’t want the whole boyfriend then husband arrangement before having kids.

So the contract explicitly stated that we would not be a couple. That was what I wanted. I have always loved kids and wanted to have them early, so I could raise them while I’m still young. I also wanted a free life, where I could pursue my passions and interests without being tied down by societal expectations.

My parents were disappointed in me for choosing that path but I didn’t care. “You are too young for this. Who chooses to have kids as a teenager?” they complained.

I knew they meant well but it was my life to live and not theirs. I went ahead and signed the contract. My baby daddy’s lawyer was present and there was a witness as well. The terms of our arrangement included a clause stating that if either of us breaks the contract, the other partner would be compensated 1 million francs CFA (approximately $2,000 USD or so).

As I write this, the contract is set to expire in two weeks.

We have two beautiful kids together; Royal (a boy) and Diana. I had them when I was nineteen and twenty-two respectively. So far the arrangement is working perfectly for me. My baby daddy has been an amazing co-parent.

Besides providing generously for our children, he is always present in their lives. He takes them to school every day. On weekends, he takes them to his mother’s place. I love it when this happens because the kids get to spend quality time with their grandmother.

I look at how happy, healthy, and bright my children are, and I am thankful he is their father. He has been instrumental in shaping their young minds, and they adore him.

Things have been pretty straightforward since we signed the contract. We only get intimate when we want to have a child. As soon as I conceive, we go our separate ways. He is allowed to see whoever he wishes and so am I.

However, things have taken a surprising turn. A week ago he visited my house and met one of my tomboy cousins, who was also visiting me. We were eating at the dining table when he entered. Immediately he saw us, his demeanour changed. He dropped the things he bought for us and took the children out.

My cousin was gone by the time they returned. While I was happy to welcome them back this man was angry. He accused me of cheating on him with another man.

“You don’t even care about my feelings. You brought your lover home,” he yelled.

For two weeks, he didn’t talk to me. It’s not as if I didn’t care about him but I found the whole situation confusing. It wasn’t even because he mistook my female cousin for a man. No, I wouldn’t be doing anything wrong if I was with a man. After all, I am a single woman.

When he finally felt the need to talk, he said I hurt him. “We had an arrangement,” I reminded him, “your feelings are your business, not mine.”

This man claimed he was fine after our conversation. Only for him to start calling me at ungodly hours.

A few days ago, we shared a passionate moment (not with the purpose of having a baby). We were just caught in a moment and went along with it.

When I was seeing him off he said, “Why can’t we be an actual couple? When I am with you I feel like I am home. It’s as if this is where I belong.”

“Why are you doing this? You know that catching feelings is not part of our agreement.”

He heard me but he didn’t listen. This man showed up at my place and went down on one knee with a ring box in hand. “What’s holding us back from being together? You are too good a woman for me to lose. Marry me.”

When I refused he argued that we are already a family so why not get married? I still said no. Then he proposed that we have another baby. I asked him if he would be willing to renew the contract and he said yes.

I thought the matter was settled but he came back again and said I would be a perfect wife. Out of frustration, I responded, “I will never be a wife, never.”

But here’s the thing, my family is putting pressure on me to accept his proposal. They’re threatening to disown me until my baby daddy “does the right thing” by paying my bride price. They say they’ll tell everyone in my family about my lifestyle.

My siblings are already mocking me, calling me all sorts of names, making me feel so bad. They call me “Madame the Westerner,” and at times “miss missed route”. They say it was a mistake for me to be born in Cameroon. “You are with us in Africa but you want to live the white man’s lifestyle,” they insult me.

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They won’t stop, and they are determined to make life unbearable for me until I accept the proposal. I was willing to endure all their taunts but things have changed. My family accepted the proposal from my baby daddy’s family without my consent.

They fixed a date for the ceremony in two months. I told my Mum I am still too young to become someone’s wife. “I am only twenty-four. How can I get married?”

I Was The Man In The Relationship And He Didn’t Like It

“When you were having babies and adding to the family’s population you didn’t know you were young but now that you are supposed to get married, you remember you are young?”

Seriously, is it a crime not to want to be a wife? Is it seriously wrong to want to maintain my independence and freedom? I’m going insane here.

— Nelly

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