My ex-girlfriend is getting married soon. She met her fiancé late last year, and they’re tying the knot early next year. We dated for three years. She called me the love of her life because we shared so many firsts in our relationship. I called her the love of my life too because she seemed perfect—or so I thought until cracks began to show.

She had temper issues. I had a temper too, so whenever we were both angry, there was no calm head to diffuse the situation. We could fight over something as trivial as a one-cedi change she didn’t give me or a call she was supposed to make but didn’t. These fights dragged on for days until we’d miss each other and decide to make amends.

She had an annoying habit of using other men to tease me whenever we fought or broke up. She’d cling to another guy, post photos of him, and say nice things about him, knowing it would make me jealous. One day, she kissed one of those guys and later confessed when we got back together.

I was furious, but I forgave her because I loved her—and love made me blind. Instead of truly letting it go, I retaliated while we were still together. But I didn’t just kiss another girl; I went further. When my ex found out, she was livid and ended things for good. She blocked me everywhere and made sure I couldn’t reach her in the places I used to find her.

Months later, she unblocked me, but by then, she was with the man she’s now set to marry. I missed her so much that I tried to win her back. Usually, it wasn’t hard to get her back, but this time, she said “no” more times than I could count. She told me, “I’m serious with this one because he has plans for us. We’re getting married.”

At some point, I managed to lure her back to my place. We kissed. She told me she loved me deeply but couldn’t return. “I’ve gone too far with him to come back. I love you so much, but I know we won’t get anywhere even if I come back.”

That was the last time I saw her until I learned about her upcoming wedding. We’ve been talking since then. She says she’ll learn to love him the way she loves me and that one day, she’ll let go of our memories and fully commit to him.

From my perspective, she’s marrying him because he’s available. She would have married me if she could trust my commitment. But because she can’t, she’s choosing the one who’s ready. I love her deeply and want her back. This time, I’m emotionally ready to commit and make it work. But once she marries him, I fear I’ll become the guy she runs to for comfort—and for intimacy.

How a Long-Distance Relationship Unveiled His Double Life

I don’t want to be involved with another man’s wife, no matter how much I love her. I want to stop this wedding and give our relationship another chance. Right now, all she sees is her wedding dress and the thought of being a beautiful bride. We still talk, and she listens to some of what I say. She even promised me “closure sex” a week before her wedding.

I don’t want that to happen. I’m trying to make her see reason, but she isn’t budging. She’s not willing to listen.

What should I do as a last resort to change her mind? I’m trying to prevent a catastrophic love triangle here. How can I handle this?

— Mensah

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