I was with her for two years. Everything in me told me to marry her but marriage isn’t like tomatoes you walk to the market and buy. Even when you’ve met the right person, the situation may not be right so you have to take life slowly as you put things together for a better day. I was the first person to talk about marriage. I told her, “I don’t want to make promises but two years from now we should be married.” She said, “Is that a promise?” I answered, “It’s more than a promise.” She said, “Prove it?” I asked, “How can I prove it?”

One day when she brought the topic up again and saw the desperation for assurance in her eyes, I gave her a promise ring. I knelt down and said, “This isn’t a mere promise. You know my heart and you know my nakedness and you know I won’t say it if I don’t mean it. I’m putting things together, a year or two from now we should be married.” She was excited. I hadn’t seen such excitement in her eyes since we started dating. It calmed my heart knowing that she believed in me and trusted that I would do right by her.

Rumours started flying that Martina was seeing someone else. I brushed it aside until it started coming from trusted people. I called her on the side and put it to her, “I’m hearing things. They are not good things but I trust you so much I don’t want to believe them. Tell me, are you seeing someone else?” She touched her tongue with her index finger and pointed it to the sky and said, “I swear I’m innocent. Why are people trying so hard to destroy the beautiful thing we have? I don’t know any other man apart from you. Did they mention any names? Did they show you where that man lives” Where did they say they saw us together?” 

I calmed her down; “Dear, it’s you I trust. If you say it’s a lie then it’s a lie but from now onwards, watch your steps because eyes are watching and minds are judging. They might misinterpret your moves so make things clear as you go along.” I didn’t believe the rumours but I couldn’t ignore the change in her. I had to beg her to see me at some point. She always gave me excuses whenever she had to see me. 

During the Lockdown, I thought we were going to spend time together to plan our future. I told her I wanted to lock down with her and she agreed but on the day of the lockdown, I didn’t see her. When I called her phone, she didn’t pick up until three days later she called to tell me there was a family emergency.

I couldn’t believe that so I spoke to her sister and her brother. They both didn’t know about any family emergency. After lockdown, we had a huge argument where she told me, “Fine. You don’t believe me and that’s ok but I can’t go on with a man who believes in rumours more than in me. Let’s call this off. Clearly, it’s not working.” Out of anger, I responded, “Great, go your way let me go my way. I’m even sick and tired of your excuses.” I thought it was one of those fights lovers have and later make up. For two days we didn’t talk. I called her on the third day and she told me, “Oh I’ve moved on ooo. I was serious when I told you it was over.”

“Wow. Just like that?”

From there, everything went slowly down the mill until seven months later, I heard she was getting married. It was too quick I started believing all the rumours I brushed aside. I tried calling her and she ignored my call. I accepted defeat and moved on too. I did everything in my power to block any news coming from her side. I heard she was getting married but as to whether the marriage came on or not, I didn’t get to know how it ended.

Not too long ago, I had a call from a woman who said she was calling from Social Welfare. “Social Welfare? What have I done to deserve a call from Social welfare?” She said, “Do you know one lady called Martina?” I answered, “Yes, I do.” She asked, “How do you know her?” I answered, “She was once my girlfriend but the relationship didn’t work out.” The woman on the phone said, “The relationship didn’t work out doesn’t mean you should abandon your child on her.” I screamed, “My child? My name is Osei. Are you sure you’re talking to the right person? I don’t even know Martina has a child let alone a child for me.”

She went quiet on the phone for a while. I heard her discussing something with people in the background. She said, “Osei, kindly give me a few minutes I will call back.” I called Matina’s phone and she didn’t pick up. I called her brother. I asked if Martina had a child and he said yes. I asked, “With her husband, right?” He answered, “Hmmm, it’s a long story. I’m not the one to tell you so wait until you hear it from her.” I was confused. I kept asking what was going on and he said nothing to me. The next call I had was from Martina’s parents. They asked me to come home for a discussion and I went.

Martina was there, with a baby girl on her lap. She looked away immediately after she saw me. I took a seat and the discussion started. Martina got pregnant and gave it to the other guy she was dating apart from me knowing very well that the guy was in a position to marry her as soon as possible. The guy also accepted responsibility and promised to marry her after the baby was delivered. The guy went home to meet Martina’s parents with his family and the knocking rite was done. When Martina gave birth, the guy did a DNA test and it came out that he wasn’t the father. That was the end of their relationship and the impending marriage. 

If the guy wasn’t the father then automatically I become the father but out of shame, she couldn’t call to tell me. She thought of keeping it to herself until things became unbearable so she decided to bring me into the frame. She took me to social welfare because she wanted them to do the job she couldn’t do herself. She played a wild card and she won. When her parents finished narrating the story I told them, “As far as I’m concerned, I don’t have a child with her but if she insists that I’m the father, no problem. I will also do a DNA test before we can draw a safe conclusion.”

I told my parents about it and they were so angry they asked me not to waste my money on doing the test. “She didn’t tell you. She went to another man so why is she bringing it to you now?” It turned into a fight between my family and Martina’s family. The to and fro got me frustrated so I raised money for the test and I did it. It came out that I was the father. The only person the news affected so much was my girlfriend. We were close to getting married when this came. She wanted to walk away but with the help of my parents and her parents, they got her to stay. Our marriage was pushed to another date until the dust finally settled.

READ ALSO: I Cheated On My Husband And My Mother Told Him

I’ve accepted responsibility and discharging my role as a father but Martina isn’t giving me a headroom to think. Every other day comes with different problems. Sometimes I ignore her calls but she’ll call my girlfriend and attack her. I warned her, “She has nothing to do with you so stop calling her if you don’t want to see the bad side of me.” She responded, “Do you think I will sit and watch whiles she poisons your mind against me and my daughter? Never.” I’ve had the opportunity to sit with Martina and asked her what she wanted. She said, “I want to be heard. I want to be closer to you so I can correct my mistakes.” I made it clear that there was no mistake to correct and that I’d moved on long ago. 

I brought her parents in and it didn’t stop her. They also believe I should give her another chance since we have a child together. Sorry to say but I insulted them. The next time she called my girlfriend again and attacked her, I reported her to the police and eventually got a restraining order from the court against her. But the harm she had caused is so deep that my girlfriend is making her exit plan. She had asked me to choose between her and the child. Obviously, I can’t ignore the child so I decided to take the child to my parents so I wouldn’t have any contact with Martina again but as we speak, there had been no improvement in that direction. Martina doesn’t want to give the child to my parents and my girlfriend also says that’s the only condition she would accept to stay.

From Beads Media: My Ex-Girlfriend Was Right For Leaving Me

I’m torn between the two; where the past has resurfaced to destroy my future. What else can I do to salvage this situation? I’ve begged my girlfriend and invited her parents into the issue but she keeps saying the same thing; “I didn’t want a man with a child in the first place but your situation is different. I will take you because I love you but with the baby mama hovering around, I doubt I can have a problem-free life.”

She has a point but what else can I do to make her stay? I don’t want to lose her.

—Osei 

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