We started facing problems right from the beginning of our relationship. A month into our relationship, I found out he had another girlfriend. A girl he had dated for about two years. I got angry and decided to leave the relationship. He told me, “It’s not the way you see it. Yes, we had been dating but it got rocky and we broke up. But every now and then, she shows up with something new just to get my attention. There’s nothing serious between us.” I was madly in love with him and didn’t want to lose him. You know new love and its issues. You play blind. You act deaf. You even pretend you’re mute when the love is brand new so you don’t upset the one you love. I told him, “I’m giving you some time to fix it. Fix it and come with evidence of how you fixed it.”

Barely a month later, he came with voice recordings of their final conversation. The girl told him he was making a mistake by leaving her. He answered, “It will be my own mistake. Why should you care?” They went to and fro until the girl finally agreed to leave the relationship. I was happy but I was sad too. The girl sounded like she really loved him. If I was an outsider, I would have advised him to give her another chance but I couldn’t. I was the one who needed that chance so I couldn’t advise him.

Months later, I met his mom. A woman in her late fifties. She was happy to see me until I told her I was an Ewe. Her mood changed from chatty to reflective. She kept repeating, “Ewe? Ewe? Ewe?” I nodded my head each time she said it. And then she stopped talking. She didn’t say another word until I left her house. I knew there was a problem. I asked my boyfriend what the issue was and he made jokes about it. He said, “Maybe she dated an Ewe man and he served her chilled heartbreak. You reminded her of her heartbreak that’s why she couldn’t talk again.” That was a joke and I took it as such. I was interested in what the real problem was but no one was willing to tell me.

One day we had a heated argument and at the tip of the argument, he said, “You people are all the same. No wonder my mom wants me to run out of this.” Right there, the answer I was looking for fell on my lap. I said, “Oh, then what are you doing here with me? So you know this relationship will amount to nothing in the end that’s why you’re treating me this way right? Good. Go and look for what your mom wants and leave me alone, mommy’s boy.” 

We went on a break for days. I didn’t call and he didn’t call me. One day he texted and said he was sorry. I was missing him so I responded, “I’m sorry too. I said a lot more than I should have.” We came back together again but along the line, I asked him, “What you said about your mom wanting you to flee, were you serious?” He laughed and replied, “No I wasn’t. How can my mom dictate who I should love? If she doesn’t like your tribe, that’s her problem and not mine. She’s not the one going to live with you so there’s no problem here.” I watched his countenance and matched it with his words. They aligned so I trusted him and gave my all to him again.

From there, anytime we had issues, his mother’s dislike of me came up in different forms. It’s either, “My mom was right about you,” or “I should have believed my mom when she said you people are all the same.” It was coming up too much and too often I decided to leave the relationship because of that. One evening, my cousin called my phone. He was there and was listening to me. We mixed both English and Ewe when we were talking. I hadn’t heard from him for so long so I was overly excited. I don’t know how my boyfriend drew the conclusion that I was talking to my side guy. When I cut the call he screamed, “You think you’re smart. Do you think you can fool me? You know I don’t understand your language so you can fool me? Why were you shifting between languages? So I don’t get to understand your evil deeds with him, right? My mom was right. You people are all the same, you’ll end up cheating on me with your tribesman.”

That was the last straw that broke my resilient back. I told him, “Enough is enough, mommy’s boy. Go and look for who’s perfect in your mother’s eyes. This one here has moved on.” He thought I was joking. He thought it was one of those breakups that lasted for days and later mended. “No, this breakup is the real breakup. I’m not coming back again and I swear it. I’m sick and tired of your mom being right all the time.” He came around often but I said no. I loved him but I needed to move on. I was hurting. Everything in me said I should stay in love with him but I was defiant. I wanted to move on with my life. 

At some point, I thought getting a new boyfriend will help me forget about him quickly so I fell for a guy who has been knocking on my door for quite a long time. I went all in at once, looking to end the pain I was going through and also forget about that silly mommy’s boy. Three months into the new relationship, I got pregnant. My stomach was getting full because of the pregnancy but my heart was still empty. I didn’t love him. I was using him to cover up the vacuum I was feeling inside but I went in too deep and got pregnant. 

I haven’t told my new boyfriend that I’m pregnant. I’m not sure what I’m going to do about it but guess who I told, my ex-boyfriend. That mommy’s boy. He came around again trying to get me to change my mind. I’m still in love with him. I haven’t healed after months apart. I told him, “I’m sorry to disappoint you but I’m already in a relationship. I’m even pregnant for him. It’s that serious.” He screamed, “Liar!” I answered, “If you want to see the result to believe it, I can show you the test kit I used. I’m pregnant for him and there’s no turning back at this point so please leave me alone.” 

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Days later I had a call. It was the mother of my ex-boyfriend. She called to plead on behalf of her son. She said, “My son says I’m the reason why you two are breaking up. Please don’t get me wrong. I never said I didn’t like your tribe. Yes, I’ve had a bad encounter and my family doesn’t advice that we get involved with you but that’s the old times. It’s a modern world now so I can’t judge the content of your character based on where you come from. Please forgive me if I gave you the impression that I didn’t like you.” 

I broke down and cried. “Why didn’t he let his mom call me all this while? If she did, I wouldn’t have been in this mess.” I sobbed and cursed my stars but the harm had already been done. When I saw him the next time I asked him, “So what do you want me to do now? I’m pregnant, remember?” He asked me, “Do you love him?” I answered, “No, I don’t. It’s you I love.” He said, “Don’t tell him about the pregnancy. Just break up with him. We’ll take it from there.” I asked what we are going to do about the pregnancy and he said, “The earlier the better so be quick about it.” 

I know what he’s going to do once I break up with this new guy. I’m ready for it. My pain now is the regret I might face in the future. What if he’s not really into me and will leave again at some point? What if he’s doing all that just to pay back? This new guy is a good guy. If I tell him I’m pregnant today, he’ll be happy and start making plans for the future. The problem is I don’t love him that much to spend my whole life with him. That’s my dilemma right now. Where do I go, backwards to my ex-boyfriend or forward with this new guy? Please advice 

—Klenam

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