I wasn’t working at the time I met him. My life was at a standstill. I had nothing except the hope that God would take care of me. Sometimes I even wondered if that hope was a good thing, especially on days when I struggled to afford basic things for myself. I had no one. My family would have supported me if they could but they were also struggling. I remember praying fervently all the altar of Alpha Hour that God should bring me a destiny helper. 

Then one day I travelled to my hometown to celebrate a festival. That was when I met Papa. he seemed interested in talking to me. Out of courtesy, I engaged him in polite conversation. He asked me some questions and I answered them as best as I could. This man is older than me so I gave him that respect. By the time our conversation was ending, he told me, “I like you. And after listening to you, I want to help you.” I smiled and said thank you but I didn’t take him seriously.

He was determined to prove to me that he was serious. I was skeptical at first. I asked him, “You just want to help me?” He said yes. I figured he must be an answer to my prayers. I did pray for a destiny helper, and there he was, offering me his help when I didn’t ask. Surely, it must be God. “I live abroad but if you need anything you can ask me, I will show up for you in my own way,” he promised.

Truly, this man has been helpful to me. His generosity also extends to my family. Ever since I met him in 2022, he has sent me money every month. In the beginning, he sent GHS3,000 every month. However, I was recruited to join the immigration service along the line. Because of this, he reduced my monthly allowance when I started working officially. 

Now he doesn’t even have a fixed figure he sends. Sometimes he would send, GHS1,000. Other times he would send GHS1,500. It all depends on his mood. These days he even complains before he sends the money. I know I am working now so I don’t ask for anything more than he is willing to give. I accept whatever he offers me in gratitude. Because no matter the amount, it helps me take care of things.

Right from the moment he entered my life, I have been confused about the nature of our relationship. He comes to Ghana once a year. And when he comes, he stays for a month before he returns. The entire time he is around he expects intimacy from me.

The first time he asked for it I told him, “But you said all you want to do is help me. So why are you asking this of me?” He said his help wasn’t related to his desire to have me. I knew it wasn’t true.

I am not a child. I know there is no free lunch but a part of me did hold on to the hope that he was indeed my destiny helper. But the moment he demanded sex I asked myself, “If this man is from God then why would he want to do this?” 

I was confused but I was also thankful for all the ways he helped me and my family so I gave it to him the way he wanted it. Since then, he wants to do it every day when he comes to town. Every time I get together with him I ask myself, “What am I doing? He is not my boyfriend. He hasn’t proposed marriage to me. He claims he is just my helper so why are we doing this?” When I refuse to give it to him too, he would be angry and very moody.

This is a man who hides whatever we have going on from everyone. Even though my parents know him, they think he is just a good Samaritan God brought my way. As for his family, his uncle is married to my aunt. They also don’t know about the things we do under the sheets. 

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If you see me walking with him in town, you can easily assume that we are father and daughter. Yes, the age gap between us is that visible. I am twenty-six. He told me he was forty-four but when I checked his passport, it said he is fifty-four. Why he felt the need to lie about his age, I have no idea. Now, I am wondering what else he has lied about. He said he is a divorce but what if he is lying about that too? Looking at the way he goes out of his way to hide our relationship, it’s possible he is still married.

Whatever it is we have going on, I don’t feel right about it. It makes my head confused and my heart is not in it. I have also decided that I want to be celibate this year. I don’t want to get involved with him sexually anymore. My concern is how to tell him. 

I Accepted His Proposal When I Hadn’t Met Him Physically

These days he only sends the money after I have asked him. And when he sends it he tells me, “You owe me a lot and you will pay. ” One day when he said this I responded, “Is it not sex you want?” He said it wasn’t about sex. He says this but I know that if I should tell him I no longer want to sleep with him, he will withdraw his help. That’s my fear. 

I have a job now but I am still not stable. My many responsibilities put pressure on my salary. So the money he sends cushions me. I am not sure I want to lose that but I am sure I no longer want to give him my body. I understand that I can’t eat my cake and have it, but my question is, why can’t he just help me? Must he exchange his help for the pleasure I can give him? Is that how the whole destiny helper situation works? 

— Selena

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