Dearest Naa,

It’s been almost eight months since you moved away. Since that day, my life has literally not been the same again. I have always thought of myself as emotionally strong, logical, and calculated in every sense. However, your parting has taken me by surprise. I can’t help but think that maybe if we had ended things before you left, the impact of our end would have been lighter. You know I had loved two other women before you. At some point, they each had to leave my life to pursue their dreams. So I am well vexed in developing coping mechanisms to deal with the emptiness that comes along with unfinished love.

The selfish part of me that loves you wishes you hadn’t left. The other part that only wants the best for you tells me it’s important you go because perhaps your fate is out there in the West. No one knows for sure.

Based on everything you told me about yourself, I agree that you have really been through a lot in this country. All the bullying you had to endure from your elementary school classmates, your frustrations with the senior high school certificate examinations, and finally your disappointment with the job market after your national service. How you managed to keep your head straight through it all is beyond me.

Although you survived all of it, I know you did not come out completely unscathed. I saw you struggle with so many insecurities that I didn’t expect you to have. That’s how I know that though there aren’t any visible scars to tell the story of your trauma, the emotional scars are there for anyone who gets close to you to discover.

Without a shred of doubt, you are a pretty lady. You don’t believe it when I tell you this. I was always surprised that you would doubt your own beauty. “Doesn’t she have a mirror in her house?” I asked myself a lot of times. It took me a while before I knew you behaved that way because of your insecurities.

They say beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder. This means I could be exaggerating your beauty but honestly, I know I am not. I have watched people turn to look at you when you walk by. I have seen people stop to stare at you when you enter a room. Can you blame them though? Your fair skin, slender body, full pink lips, and cute behind make you a wonder to behold. No wonder almost every man who meets you wants your attention.

I didn’t know you were going to pay me any mind until you started talking to me. It’s quite unconventional in our society for the lady to make the first move, yet you defiantly ignored all the social norms and took the first step. A deviant you are! This bold move gave me the impression that you are ambitious. You knew what you wanted and you went for it.

I remember the early days of our relationship. You warned me about your tendency to be clingy. That I did not care much about. Your company was lovely. You gave me all the attention I needed and I was happy to return the favor. We enjoyed each other’s presence, especially at weirdly bizarre places.

I still relive the moment of our first kiss. It was on a Monday. You invited me over to watch a movie, “Nel Bagno”. I literally quaked when you made the first move. The feel of your full lips as I touched them, the warmth of your body as I hugged you, and your paced breaths, meant you were at ease, and nothing else was going to stop us. Indeed, we were passionate at countless places, even at the cinema. One thing I will be forever grateful to you for is that no matter how things got heated, you agreed to my decision for us not to go all the way.

Sadly, it all had to end when you had to leave. Those last few weeks were incredible. We spent every moment we could spare together, not knowing what was going to come next for us. Deep in my heart, I wanted to end things because I had been there before – a loved one had to leave for good. It is a lot easier for me when I dictate the terms because I get to build the necessary defense and coping mechanisms. You were different. A deviant! You had defied all the norms I have grown accustomed to. For once, I had to do things differently for your sake.

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“Promise me,” you said, “Promise you won’t leave me. You have to be there for me through thick and thin.” I knew it was your insecurities asking me to make you that promise. So I indulged you. “Yes, I will,” I gave my word. You said you were scared of what the future had to bring and I promised I would stand by you. “Miles across the ocean and time zones will not come between us,” I assured you.

We promised we would make the long-distance work but life happened to you. First, you dropped all the FaceTime calls we used to have. When I got fortunate enough and you answered, you placed the phone somewhere else. I did not want to overstep because you primarily went out there to study and have something worthwhile going on in your life. You needed your peace and I gave it to you. That was the end of us. I was hurt but life happens. C’est la vie!

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I am writing this letter hoping you will read it and know that still think of you. And I wish you all the best in your studies. I hope you find a job soon. I hope you get settled in life soon. I wish you accomplish all your life’s goals. And I wish above all things that you find love and happiness, true happiness, not fleeting happiness, and that you get over your insecurities.

I look forward to the day we will meet again. I want to hear you recount tales of all that you have accomplished with the opportunities available to you. And the lessons this life has taught you out there. Be safe Naa.

Sincerely,

— Nii

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