Love has a habit of creeping up on you when you least expect it. You would be going about your life undisturbed only to bump into someone who would alter the course of your life forever. Mine happened while I was swiping at my phone watching people’s WhatsApp statuses. A close female friend of mine posted a very beautiful lady on her status. The moment I saw her I knew I wanted to be with her.

I didn’t waste time. I quickly sent my friend a message, “Who is she?” “Why? Do you like her?” Came her response. I was honest with her, “Yes, I want to know her.” My friend left me on read for quite some time. I was wondering if she was going to come back and tell me no. “Or maybe she will tell me the lady has a boyfriend already,” I thought.

While I waited to hear back from my friend, I couldn’t stop thinking about the beautiful face of my crush. I had already envisioned my life with her before I even learned her first name. It was the kind of experience that felt cosmic. As though I was destined to be in her life.

I almost jumped with anxiety when my notification went off and it was a message from my friend. “She said I should give you her number,” read the message. The next message that came was a contact card with the name saved as Lucy. As soon as I finished thanking my friend, I sent Lucy a message.

I expected to be met with some drama. You know questions like, “Who gave you my number?” “What do you want from me?” However, there was none of that. Lucy loosened up the moment I introduced myself to her. She said she was already expecting to hear from me. It was nice to talk to her. So we spoke every day.

Somehow we transitioned into the talking stage without necessarily making a big deal out of it. It just happened. We were talking all the time because we had a connection. I didn’t tell her how I felt and neither did she share her feelings with me but we both knew where we were headed.

Two months after we started talking, we had talked about almost everything there was to talk about, except our past relationships. It was a subject we both skirted around until I brought it up. I told her about my ex, Aku, and the way our relationship ended.

While I was describing Aku she said, “Wait, your Aku sounds like someone I know. What’s her full name?” When I mentioned her surname Lucy exclaimed, “Wow! What a small world?” The next thing I asked her was, “Why? Do you know her?”

“Of course, I know her. We are coursemates. We became friends a few days ago.” Honestly, I didn’t like the sound of that. Girls have this rule of not dating their friend’s exes. So how was it a good thing that the woman I was in love with had suddenly become friends with my ex?

I am the kind of person who respects all my exes. I never cross their boundaries. For this reason, I don’t do their friends. I told Lucy, “I like you. I usually wouldn’t have wanted to be with you considering that you are friends with my ex. But for you, I want to break my rule. I want to be your boyfriend if you will have me.”

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It’s been six years since I made that proposal and Lucy and I are a very happy couple. Plans are underway for us to get married. I may sound cheesy when I say I love her to the moon and back, but it’s true. There’s nothing about her that I don’t love. She is just one wonderful person.

My problem has to do with my girlfriend’s friendship with my ex-girlfriend. They are best friends now. She doesn’t bring her along my path but I know they do things together and go places together.

Again, I was fine with their friendship as long as it didn’t cross my path. However, now it’s going to happen at my mother’s one-week celebration. While I am sad and grieving the tragic loss of my mother, I am also anxious about the fact that for the first time in six years, I am going to have to deal with my ex and my girlfriend together.

I know I shouldn’t concern myself with this thing at this time when there are important matters to be tended to, but the thought of the two of them in the same space with me is giving me severe anxiety. That’s why I’m here. I need tips on how to calm myself on that day. I need to sail through the day without acting jittery. Please help.

—K. S

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