Crushes are interesting. The way you get all tingly and warm when you’re in the same space with the object of your crush. Sometimes you would intentionally put yourself in the person’s way just so you can satisfy your bizarre craving for their presence or even a glimpse of them. I find it understandable when you have a crush on someone you already know. You’ve spent time with them and gotten to know them, and proximity breeds feelings of intimacy. I get that.

However, there are times when you know nothing about someone, not even their name, yet you get a crush on them. You convince yourself self that they are anything you want your ideal partner to be, and you create a personality for them inside your head. You daydream about your perfect love story with this person. You create dialogues and scenes and in fact, a whole new world where you two are the “it” couple. Has anyone here experienced what I am talking about or I am just a crazy person?

Sometimes these crushes even happen when you have a partner. You will even assume this far-away person who only sees you in passing and probably doesn’t think about you at all is a better match for you than the one you are with. You would imagine your crush to be a perfect lover, nurturer, protector, provider, cook, and all the qualities you desire in a life partner.

You would even convince yourself that if you end up with them, nothing will separate you. After all, you like everything about them even though you do not know them. That is exactly how I felt about Dele when we were on campus.

He was already a student at the university at the time I was beginning my first year. I didn’t know his name or anything else about him. All I knew was, that he had the kind of smile that made me weak in the knees. Whenever he said “Hello” to me, it sounded like, “I like you,” in my ears.

Isn’t it crazy? The entire time Dele was on campus, we only exchanged a few “hellos” and the occasional “Hi” yet I was sure he was the man God assigned to be mine.

So imagine my excitement when I ran into him in town after he had completed school. He had his devilish smile as always and he said his usual “Hello”. Just when I was about to keep going my way, he said, “It’s been a while. We should keep in touch so we don’t become strangers. Give me your number.” I was almost bouncing on my toes when I called out my number. “Finally, I caught his attention!” I thought.

We’ve been talking regularly since that day. He says things and behaves in a way that implies he is interested in me romantically. However, he has never directly said he likes me. This may be hard to believe but I am in no rush to hear him say anything of the sort. This is why.

I have a boyfriend. We’ve been together long enough for me to know that he is someone I can spend the rest of my life with. Unfortunately, when I took him home to meet my mother, she didn’t feel that way about him. “He is not good enough for you,” she says every time his name comes up. She believes there are so many men out there who are better suited for me. I have been trying to change her mind but she doesn’t want to hear any of it.

I know my boyfriend loves me dearly. There’s nothing on this earth that he would not do to make me happy. But how can I continue to be with him when my mother refuses to accept him? That’s why I have been talking to Dele. Apart from the fact that I have a crush on him, that is.

I wish I could say I am in a conundrum. That my heart is torn between my boyfriend and Dele, but that is far from the truth. Getting to know Dele has been one disappointing revelation after the other.

This is someone I pined for and daydreamed about for years. I believe if I hadn’t started talking to him, I would have still been carrying a torch for him, thinking he was the one who got away. Now, I know some people are easier to love from afar and my perfect crush is one of these people.

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As stated earlier, Dele hasn’t asked me to be his girlfriend or told me he has any amorous feelings for me. We just talk as friends yet he acts like he is my man. When we are having conversations, he expects me to only listen to him talk. He is rarely interested in anything I have to say. Sometimes when I try to chip in a few words while he is talking he would firmly say, “I told you not to talk when I am talking.” Who wants to be with someone who treats them like a child?

If I made plans about my life without talking to him first, he would say, “Why didn’t tell me you were doing this? You don’t respect me.” One time, I tried to tell him how his behavior made me feel worthless and he replied, “You are nothing like what I expected you to be. I have regretted getting close to you.” I keep thinking about it and I don’t know exactly what wrong I did to him.

The Story Of My Worst Valentine

He easily gets angry with me. Although I am convinced his anger is a tool to manipulate me, I still find myself apologizing to him. This is how I know he is wrong for me. Just like him, I too have regretted getting to know him. He was a better man when I didn’t know anything about him and only crushed on him from afar.

So I have decided to focus on my relationship. I know it’s going to be hard but I want to work on my mother. Apart from talking to her about all the wonderful qualities my boyfriend possesses, what else can I do to convince her to accept him? I almost lost sight of the fact that I have the right man for me but Dele’s behavior set me back on track. All I need now is my mother’s support so we can start planning our future. Please, I need your help.

—Emerald

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