It’s been five months since I started dating John. He is the most supportive guy I have ever been with. He is always pushing me to be the best version of myself. That’s one thing I love about him. He knows about every aspect of my life because I have grown to trust him. He gets along well with my two best friends until he started having issues with one of them recently. Let me tell you what happened.
My girls and I, are very close. You will hardly see one without the other two. Everybody knows about us. Our usual hangout spot is a swimming pool in our neighbourhood or Ruby’s brother’s pub. Ruby is in our group so we get discounts when we go there. So I was at the salon recently when Ruby called to tell me, “Girl, let’s go to the poolside when you get back from the salon.” I said, “Cool. I am down.”
I finished with the salon and we went to the poolside. One of the girls, Fae, wasn’t feeling well so she didn’t get in the water. I didn’t want her out alone so I sat beside her to keep her company while Ruby swam. After a while, she got bored swimming all by herself so she came out and told me, “Why don’t you wear your swimsuit so we can swim together? We will goof around and take videos for TikTok.”
I got changed and we made lots of funny videos. There was one in which she held a glass of coke to my lips and said, “Take a sip.” After we finished the drink, we danced together and made more videos. When we finally decided to enter the water, Fae took the phone and took videos of us getting in the pool together. We were holding hands.
After everything, I posted three of our videos with the captions, “Friends forever,” and “My husband is holding my hand so I wouldn’t slip.” The second one was meant as a joke. Unfortunately, John didn’t get the joke. He called me immediately after he saw the video. I could tell from his voice that he was angry. He asked, “I sent you money earlier, did you receive it?” I said yes. Then he said, “You didn’t call to tell me you got the money. Is it because you were busy chilling with your lesbian partner?”
The phone was on speaker so my friends heard him. I felt so embarrassed. I told him I would call him back but he refused, “Don’t you dare hang up on me. You know what I am saying is true.” He made sure to hurt me that evening with his rantings about how he is sharing me with a lady. He said I shouldn’t infect him with STDs. I tried to tell him he was wrong but he kept saying, “You are always with them. What kind of friendship is that?” When I got tired of listening to him I hung up.
The conversation didn’t end there. He called again, using our sex life as proof for his accusations. I don’t like shuperu as he does. And whenever we do it, I find it difficult to climax. So now he is saying it’s because I have a sexual relationship with my girls. That very night he asked if I am serious with him, or if I am just spending his money. He warned me to stop going out to the pool or anywhere that doesn’t bring food to the table. All the while he was ranting, my phone was on speaker. So my friends heard everything.
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After that conversation, things became strained between us. Ruby was getting married and we all had to travel for the traditional ceremony. I asked John for money and this guy told me not to attend the ceremony. He said he wouldn’t give me his money to go and support my “husband” to get married. I didn’t mind him. When it was time for us to travel, he now asked me to come to his place for the money. I refused. And he got angry again, saying that I don’t respect him because of my friends.
He told me to come and see him but I didn’t want to go. So he continued to accuse me of having an intimate relationship with Ruby and Fae. I got mad and picked a car to go to his place. I wanted to have a conversation with him about how his accusations were hurtful. When I got there he wouldn’t let me into his room. He got angry that I came to his place late. He led me outside to his junction for us to talk. It was in the middle of the night and the weather was cold. But we stood there quarrelling and calling each other names. No matter what I said, he called me a lesbian. I felt he didn’t trust me and that the best thing to do was end the relationship.
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It was getting to 3:00 AM when I saw a car coming, stopped it, and entered it. I cried in the car till the driver asked if the man did something to me. I didn’t mind him. When I got home, I texted John that I was done with the relationship. He replied that I am a joker and that he is not going to leave me for a woman to take. This whole thing has gotten me depressed. He keeps saying that I am in some kind of bondage with my girls and that he is the only one who can break it for me. I don’t understand him. Why can’t three girls be close to each other in a platonic way? I love Fae and Ruby but I don’t see them in any sexual way. I also don’t know what he means by bondage.
I feel this relationship won’t go anywhere since he doesn’t trust me. It just hurts to see someone I love having these negative thoughts about me. I have tried to break up with him several times but he keeps saying no. So I have decided to give him space till I gradually pull away from him.
–Efua
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#SB
Don’t ignore this obvious red flag. Your man is a control freak. He was comfortable you leaving in a cab at 3am? No man who loves his woman will treat her this way. And he has the effrontry to refuse you dumping him? Drop him and never look back.
Are you married to him? If the answer is no, then do what you think is best for you.
I believe you should stay strong else if you appear weak before him, he may try to bully you just as he is doing