When you mention the top five richest families in Ghana, my boyfriend’s family is part of them. That’s not why I agreed to date him. Far from that. When I met him, I had a well-paying job. I was paying my own bills and taking care of myself. So it isn’t that I was looking for a cash cow in a woman. I was raised to be an independent woman and that’s who I have always been.
I am not the kind of woman who expects favors from a man just because he happens to be my boyfriend. Because of this, I never paid enough attention to my boyfriend’s giving nature or the lack of it. He is married so we spend most of our time together at my place. When he visits I cook the meals I know he likes for him. And I always make sure he eats to his fill.
On days I am unable to cook, I order food and get him some as well. While I was doing all of this, it never crossed my mind to ask for money. I had the money so I just paid for all the expenses. He also never offered to give me any money to take care of some of the costs. This man is in his forties so I can’t even say he probably didn’t know he should do something like that.
Apart from the fact that he comes from a wealthy family, he himself is rich. That’s one thing I am sure of. Along the line in our relationship, I lost my job. While trying to look for another job, I decided to start a business. As some people have experienced, Ghana is not a place where you can easily get a job. If you sit with your hands clasped between your thighs waiting to get a job, hunger will be the death of you. You have to be willing to go out there and make something work for yourself. And that’s what I chose to do with my time.
I started the business alright, but I needed more money to help push things to a certain level. It was money I did not have. When my birthday was approaching my boyfriend asked me, “What do you want for your birthday?” I told him, “Right now, all I ask is that you invest in my business.” He replied, “Okay. I will do it.” My birthday came to pass and he didn’t give me anything. I also did not ask him for anything.
Days passed after that. Weeks came and grew into months. Still, this man didn’t do anything to show that he would give me the money. I became torn. I didn’t know if I should ask him or if I should forget about it. Not asking him also ate me up. Every time I saw him, all I could think about was the fact that he promised to invest in my business but pretended as if the conversation never happened.
This thing consumed me until I opened up to my best friend about my problems. She advised, “Give him space. Don’t make yourself available to him anymore. When he finds it hard to reach you, he will know that you are not happy about his behavior.” I took her advice and waited to see if he would notice a change in my behavior.
Just as my friend predicted, he knew something was wrong. And he knew exactly what the problem was. This man came to me with some money. He said, “Take this money as my investment in your business.” I counted the money and it was GHC2000. I accepted it without complaints. It isn’t that I am ungrateful but looking at his financial strength, I expected more from him.
In our entire relationship, I never took anything from him so why can’t he be generous when I asked him to invest in my business? I was blind to everything he was doing wrong at first, but now I see everything.
When he comes to visit me and I don’t cook and he wants to order food, he would first ask me, “Will you eat?” Meanwhile, if I am the one ordering the food, I just go ahead and buy it for him. I don’t ask him if he will eat. He tells me, “One thing I love about you is how devoted you are to me.” Yet, this man doesn’t pay enough attention to me to know when I am sad or depressed.
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There was a time we were supposed to meet at a restaurant for a date. That day it rained so he got there before me. When I arrived, he had already ordered his food. Instead of letting me order my own plate, he asked the waiter to bring him a side plate so we would share his. I could see that the food wouldn’t be enough for even him. He just didn’t want to spend money on me so he would rather share his with me.
He has a female friend in his life that he dotes on. When she calls him and mentions that she hasn’t eaten, he would order food for her. He is always going out of his way to do little favors for her. His explanation is, “I am just trying to get into her good graces so she would do some work for me.” What I keep asking myself is, if he can do all this for someone else because of work, then why not me?
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I am the one he runs to when he feels his world is falling apart and he needs comfort. I am the one who listens to all his emotional baggage and give him a safe space to be himself. So why won’t he do something nice for me every once in a while?
I see how he treats his wife, so I know that he can show grand romantic gestures. Everyone else around him benefits from his kindness. I am the only one he doesn’t do anything for. That’s why I feel like a fool for falling in love with him. I want to leave him but I am stuck because of a promise he made me. He said he would help me work on a project. That’s why I haven’t left yet. But I am here if he would really help me or if I am wasting my time.
What do I do now? Should I stay for a while and see if he will deliver on his promise? Or I should just leave him?
—Nana Yaa
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#SB
I will advise to advise yourself
The signs are boldly on the walls
He doesn’t value you
Distance yourself from married man and seek forgiveness and our ever merciful father will grant you a husband who will see your worth
I will advise to advise yourself
The signs are boldly on the walls
He doesn’t value you
Distance yourself from married man and seek forgiveness and our ever merciful father will grant you a husband who will see your worth
This man will never help you with whatever project you are waiting for. This is an ego trip for him he loves how desperate you are and is lording it over your head. move on from him and dont have anything to do with him anymore. He might be the block to your blessings
A married man who keeps a side chick for free? Chaii! How cheap can you be my sister? You are caring, kind and generous but wasting it on an apology of a man? A serial cheat, stingy and inconsiderate? Chaii, don’t you have family, brothers who can give this idiot a good hiding, beat the nonsense out of his stupid head? Haaba, does your mother know how her daughter is suffering? If anything at all, listen to the tears of your mother and cut this maggot out of your life and for good. Listen, you are hardworking and industrious. You don’t need his help to be successful. Your inner beauty is too bright to be ignored by any right thinking man and in time you will be rewarded with a life partner who deserves you! But first of all, get rid of this maggot!
Communicate. Tell him your needs. Let him know what you expect from him. Don’t expect him to automatically treat you as he does others. To him, you may be the only one who is not interested in his money who will accept anything at all and be okay.
This advice would be best if he was your man. But he ain’t. To me, you lost the right to complain when you decided to be with a cheat. What he is doing is what a cheat does, CHEAT. You have seen the red flags but adamant to move. He is not likely to change. Run and find your man or remain single. You are generous. Someone will see your worth.
Find your own man
What is wrong with you? Do you think the car owner should take care of the mate more than the driver? What have you contributed to the man’s life? Keep ‘ chopping’ someone’s chicken and someone will ‘chop’ your goat p333.
You want to be a handbag but not the suitcase. When you get your own husband, I bet you, you are going to be paid back what you have done to his wife. Where were you when they were building their wealth?