I met Nana when I was newly posted to work. I had already gotten acquainted with the place but I didn’t have a place to live yet. So I was busy looking for a comfortable place to rent. That was when I met Nana. We became friends after our first encounter. He was this laid back fun guy who always made me happy whenever we spent time together. I enjoyed his friendship very much, so when he later asked me out I accepted it. Our relationship was a happy one because of how fun and caring Nana is.

We were doing so well until I had issues with my landlord and he evicted me. I was running around looking for a new place but it looked like I wouldn’t find a place by the due date my landlord gave me. So Nana suggested, “Why don’t you move in with me while you look for a place? That way you wouldn’t rush and end up with an apartment you don’t like.” It seemed like a good answer to my problem so I agreed. It was after I moved in that he started showing me parts of himself that I never would have imagined existed. My laidback and fun boyfriend turned into a possessive man overnight. And I am not talking about possessiveness in a cute and romantic way. No, this one is bordering on something else.

For instance, whenever I want to visit my parents he would tell me, “Don’t go. What at all are you going to do at your parents’ place?” If I went anyway, he would get moody and so angry that he wouldn’t speak to me for days. It got to a point, I had to sit him down and explain to him why it was necessary that I visit my parents. After long explanations, Nana would tell me, “I have heard everything you said but I don’t want you to go. That’s final!” It isn’t that he would physically restrict me from going, but his anger is something I don’t like so when he said No, I accepted it.

Apart from that, there was a day I went out with my female friend. I just needed a few hours away from Nana, and some girl time. While we were out he called me, “I need to go out urgently and I don’t know when I will be back, so come home now for the keys.” I thought something had happened so I ended the night with my friend and went home only to find out that he wasn’t going anywhere. He just wanted me to end my night out and return home to him. I was so angry that I gave him a piece of my mind that night. I thought he would change after that but he only got worse. Anytime I want to meet up with a friend or a family member, he gets very angry and wouldn’t talk to me for days when I ignore him and go ahead with what I want.

The whole relationship started to feel like a prison sentence, so I decided to quickly find a place and move out. Besides, my parents didn’t like the fact that I was living with him. So I searched for a room whenever I got the chance until I found the perfect one five months later. I told him about it, “Nana, I have finally found a room, but it’s currently occupied. The person will be moving out in two months’ time so I will continue to stay here until then.” He didn’t seem pleased that I had made progress in my search but I ignored him. When the room finally became vacant, I asked Nana to repay a loan he took from me so I could add it to my money and pay for the rent. And his response was anger and tantrums, “I don’t understand why you are trying to move out when I am not chasing you out.”

I didn’t want someone else to get the place so I ignored his tantrums and paid for the place and moved in. He was angry to the extent that he avoided me for several days. It was when he calmed down that he came to apologize. I forgave him but my heart had left the relationship. His possessive behaviour terrifies me, to be honest. I even discussed it with my superior at work and she told me that it is very bad for him to be doing that. I tried to reason with Nana, “Just because we are together doesn’t mean that you are my entire world. There’s life outside our relationship. So if you continue with this attitude I will lose interest in you.” He told me he will change but I am yet to see it.

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The next thing he started doing was to tell me not to send my siblings money whenever I tried to. He would say, “You don’t have to shoulder all their responsibilities.” Yet he asks me for loans and never pays back. So for some time now, I don’t involve him in anything relating to my finances.
Since I moved into my new place, he always comes here to spend the night or tries hard to make me come to his place to spend the night, but I blatantly refuse all the time. I told him that we can’t always be together, especially when we are not married, but he doesn’t want to understand.

I have given it a lot of thought and I have decided to quit this relationship. I know myself and there’s no way I can marry someone who is always around me and even prevents me from visiting my parents. Marriage is forever and with this behaviour, I don’t think I can be married to him forever. I don’t want to get married and be restricted by my partner as if I am a prisoner. Am I being too harsh on him?

— Anna

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