We met at an interview and became friends. The friendship became thicker when we realized we had a lot of things in common. We attended the same senior high school. He was two years my senior. We didn’t see each other in school until we met at the interview. We did the same course at the university, attended the same church and someway somehow, fate brought us together at a place to chase the same job opportunity.

He eventually got the job. When he did, I congratulated him. I already had a job and was chasing another job because of better emolument. When we became an item, I spent many days at his place. We had dreams and according to the dream, we were supposed to marry in the next two years. He asked me to move in with him on many occasions but I declined. I loved him but I didn’t want to share a roof with him when we were not married. I needed assurances.

A year into our relationship, he had to travel to Ivory Coast for a project that was going to last for a year. He had two years left on his rent when he was leaving and my rent was just about expiring so we planned I would move to his place once my rent was expired so I don’t have to spend on rent while my boyfriend’s rent was just being wasted.

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He introduced me to his landlord as the woman he was going to marry and told him the arrangement so the landlord wouldn’t assume he had given the place to a new tenant.

One year later he didn’t come. He didn’t come because their contract was extended for another year. We talked each day and shared ideas about our future. The two years we said we were going to marry had elapsed. We talked about it. We agreed we would get married as soon as he returned from his trip.

Another year came to pass, but he didn’t come back to Ghana because their contract was extended again. I pleaded with him to visit me. Ivory Coast isn’t too far away a journey. It’s just a border away from Ghana. When he had the time, he came to spend a week with me. A lot happened within the week. I took him home to meet my parents and he took me home to meet his too. At his parent’s place, he introduced me as a future in-law. He didn’t beat about the bush and didn’t hide anything. That was the assurance I was talking about.

To me, we were only waiting for him to finally return from the project so we get married. Days after he left, the landlord came to ask me if we would renew the rent; “You have few months left. Should I put it on the market or you’ll renew?” I pleaded with him to give me some days to discuss it with my boyfriend.

When I called and told him about it he said, “We have to renew. When I return and we need a bigger place, we’ll look for a new place.”

I told the landlord about it and he gave me the new price. When I told my boyfriend about the new price, he got angry. The amount had been increased by 35% and he was not willing to pay. He told me he’d speak to the landlord himself and he did. The discussion didn’t go well so he called to tell me to leave when the rent expires. I told him, “It’s a good place. At least let’s extend for a year. By that time you’ll be home so we plan on what next to do.”

He said he wasn’t going to renew. The whole thing sounded more emotional than logical. He was more angry with the landlord than he was about the price increase.

I told him, “Don’t worry. Just pay the original price, I’ll add the rest.” He said no and that he wasn’t interested in the accommodation again. Two days later, he told me he had told his brother to come for his items in the room so I didn’t have to move them to the new place I would be renting. It didn’t sit well with me. “I thought we were in this together. Why are you moving your things out? What about me?”

I didn’t have the money to pay the new rent so I started looking around for a new place. I got a decent one and told him about it. He congratulated me and told me he was happy that I had a new place. I told him, “Please send me the money to pay.” “To pay what?” He asked.

“The rent.”

“Why do I have to pay? You’re the one going to live there.”

“What’s wrong if you pay the rent of your girlfriend? When you return, ain’t you going to live with me?”

“No, I’ll be in my parents’ house so what’s the point?”

“OK, let’s just say I need your help.”

“I can’t pay rent. If I had the money, I would have renewed the old one.”

We have plans to get married as soon as he comes and when we get married, we are not going to live separately.  Paying my rent automatically renews his rent so I was amazed when he told me he wasn’t going to pay. I started having doubts the day he sent his brother to come for his things. We were supposed to be in this together, why did he have to pack and leave me alone in this one?

I called one evening to have an extensive conversation about it. I told him about my doubts and told him about my fears. “I’m the one waiting for you. I don’t want to waste my time but the little things that made me feel that we were in this together are being taken away piece by piece. What’s happening?”

“Are you telling me all that because I refused to pay your rent?”

At this point, it wasn’t about the rent. It was about everything and more but he reduced it to the rent and called it an emotional blackmail. “I won’t allow you to blackmail me emotionally just because I refused to pay your rent.” I asked him, respectfully, “What’s wrong if you pay my rent, the woman you’re going to marry soon and live with? Unless you’ve changed your mind, there’s nothing wrong about it. Paying the rent would have assured me of your commitment to this relationship but you didn’t. That’s my problem.”

Or I’m creating a storm in a teacup? Or creating a mountain out of a molehill?

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He said there’s a method to what he’s doing but I can’t trust the method if I don’t know what it solves. According to him, he’ll come a year later and rent a bigger place for us so I should take care of myself until he comes to stay in Ghana. I’m seeing red flags but I’ll trust and obey for another year and see what comes out of it. I would be happy to be wrong eventually but then I would be shocked if I’m wrong.

—Esther

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