I accidentally saw the list on his notes app. The first item on the list was: “To f*%k an Ewe chick.”

My name is Eyram. My dad is Ewe, and my mom is Ewe too. We’d been dating for three months, but I had known him since Level 100. And yes, we’d already been intimate twice before I found his bucket list.

I showed it to him. As soon as he saw it, he started laughing. “Who am I to you? A girlfriend or just a bucket list item?” I asked him. He said, “Don’t take it the wrong way. I wrote it just for fun, but I’ve always wanted to date an Ewe lady. You’re not a list; you’re my girlfriend.”

I warned him that if he ever tried anything silly, I’d go to my hometown, and by the time I came back, he would see signs and wonders in his life. He insisted he had used the wrong words. He claimed it should have been, “To date an Ewe lady,” not what I read.

We are still together, but I feel he’s not being genuine with me. He’s scared. Even when I’m wrong, he can’t handle it like a man should. When we disagree, he lets me win. It’s like he’s playing it safe so I don’t have anything to complain about.

That’s not the kind of relationship I want. I need a strong man to lead and make decisions. Right now, he isn’t acting like that. The truth is, if I stay in love with him when all he ever wanted was to sleep with an Ewe lady, I’ll be the one who loses in the end—stuck with a man who doesn’t truly love me.

Am I overthinking this because of what I saw, or do I have a valid point? Right now, he doesn’t want me to bring up the list in our conversations. He says I should move on and see him for who he really is.

— Sabina

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