Aunty Gloria is the first person to show me kindness since I got posted to this place as a teacher. She is the head of my department. She offered me a place to spend the night the very day I came to do my registration. She said it was late, and that I shouldn’t travel that night. As if that wasn’t enough, she gave me money to use for transportation. It touched me deeply that she would go to this length for someone she had just met.

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We kept in touch while I waited to resume work officially. I never asked her for anything but occasionally, she would send me money and tell me it was a gift.

Finally, I moved there with my stuff to start work. One of the first things she asked me was, “Are you single?”

I said yes. The next thing I heard her say was, “Let me introduce you to a nice young man. He will be good for you.”

The guy’s name is Pappoe. He lives abroad with Aunty Gloria’s husband. When she first told me about matching us I made it clear that I would like to take things slow. She said no problem.

However, the very day Pappoe contacted me he said, “You are a very beautiful woman and I would like to be in a relationship with you.”

Ah, just like that. This is someone who had never seen me or heard me talk. We were merely texting so how could he tell that he likes me?

I answered, “I am not interested in a relationship right now. Let’s be friends and get to know each other first before we decide anything else.”

He said he didn’t mind.

Now, in the spirit of friendship, we text sometimes. Once in a while, he would call me. Whether it’s via text or phone calls, this guy is mostly quiet. I am also not a chatty person. I talk when I am in the company of people who do most of the talking. I would listen and then chip in a few words. But if I am with people who don’t talk, I also don’t talk.

So imagine the kind of conversations Pappoe and I have. Very dry. After we exchange greetings, the line would go quiet. Even when I ask, “How was your day?” He would respond with, “It wasn’t bad.” That kills whatever else we might talk about.

While I was trying to navigate the situation, Aunty Gloria was on my neck about my relationship with this Pappoe guy. She would ask if we talk. How many times we talk. What we talk about.

“I want to know everything,” she would coax.

I always explained that conversations weren’t flowing well but she wouldn’t have it. She said, “Pappoe doesn’t like talking so as the woman, you are the one who has to push the conversation?”

How do you push a conversation with a man who responds to all your questions with, “Fine”, or “It was okay”?

“Hold on tightly to him. If you manage to date him, he will take care of you financially. Are you aware that I met my husband through someone?” she said to me once.

Another time she said, “He is an illiterate. If you play your cards well, you will be able to control him. He won’t be as difficult as those educated ones out there. He will buy things to fill up your room. Did I tell you it was my husband who bought the fridge I am currently using?”

Honestly, hearing her say all that stuff about the guy made me lose interest in pursuing anything with him.

So the  next time she asked about him I told her we hadn’t spoken in a while. She got angry and said I wasn’t serious with my life. She started counting on her fingers all the ways she helped me.

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“I knew you had nothing when I saw you. Had it not been for me, the headmaster would have sent you to a school in the village. I am helping you thinking you want to make something out of your life but you are letting this ‘Borga’ get away from you.”

That was the last straw for me. I told her I was done with my friendship with Pappoe. “You were the one who introduced us so kindly tell him I don’t want to continue with what we’ve started.”

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Since that day, she has changed toward me. She acts as if I have offended her. I don’t understand why she is acting this way when she has never even met the guy in person. She wants me to date him just because her husband said Pappoe is a good guy. Whatever happened to getting to know the person for myself?

I am trying not to offend her because of her kindness toward me. Besides, she is old enough to be my mother so I am giving her the respect I would give to my mum. Nonetheless, I don’t want her to cause problems for me at work because of this issue. How should I handle her?

—Akua

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