If someone asks us how our friendship started and for how long we’ve been friends, it would be very difficult for any of us to answer. I tell people, “Eddy is a brother. The only difference is that he came through a different mother.” His mother and my mother were very good friends when we were young. It was through that friendship of our mothers that brought us together, we attended the same primary school and attended the same senior high school. We attended the same university and lived in the same hall. The only thing that separated us at some point was our national service.

He was posted to the Ashanti region but I did mine in greater Accra. That was the only point in our lives that we were not together. When Eddy found his first girlfriend in senior high school, I was the ‘betweener.’ I remember at some point, I had to convince Crystal to accept Eddy’s proposal. Because of that, I became their adviser. Whenever they had issues, I was there to help them resolve them. When Eddy wanted to break up with Crystal, I was the one he used to instigate the breakup.

We were young so we lived life as young people do. We had a lot of fun together and got into trouble together. I didn’t do a lot of women’s stuff. For so long, I didn’t have a girlfriend because I didn’t see the need but when the time came for me to declare my love for Alice, it was Eddy I used to smoothen the process. We were brothers who came to each other’s aid when life got harder.

We grew up, found jobs in different corporations, and started living our lives as grown-ups. Eddy was dating Fafa when things started going sour between them. Fafa complained to me because it was through me she found Eddy. I was the ‘betweener’ here again. They had dated for four years and everything about them pointed to the fact that they were going to get married. He introduced her to his parents as the one and Fafa grew attached to Eddy’s mother until Eddy decided he doesn’t want her again.

I stood against that decision, pleading with him all the way to reconsider his decision. He said, “I and Fafa don’t have anything in common. She’s too slow and always in the room. I need a woman I can go out with. I need a woman who can stand up to me.” I asked him, “Have you told her all that?” He said, “Why should I tell her? We’ve dated for four years, she should know better.” As hard as I tried, the center could not hold. The two of them went their separate ways and for a very long time, Fafa blamed me for their collapse. She thinks I didn’t do enough. She thinks I turned my back on her when she needed me the most.

Just two months after breaking up with Fafa, he introduced Theresa to me as his new girlfriend. Honestly, I didn’t know how to react and I didn’t know how to act around Theresa. I felt my allegiance was for Fafa and it would be so unfair for me to be happy with Theresa when my friend Fafa was still brokenhearted. So, for a very long time, the relationship between I and Theresa was lukewarm. I was mostly indifferent toward her but I didn’t do anything to disrespect her. I kept my distance but I gave her that respect as the girlfriend of my brother.

Two years later, Eddy told me he was getting married to Theresa. I was very happy for him. It was at that moment I realized I had nothing to lose if I get closer to Theresa. So, I warmed up to her and from all indications, she was happy with me. I was Eddy’s best man when they got married. After marriage, everything changed.

I would ask if he would escort me to a place and he would tell me, “Unless I tell my wife and see what she would say.” Well, two shall become one so that didn’t bother me a lot until I realized there was a deliberate attempt to kill the friendship we both had. One of our friends was having a wedding. We used the whole month to plan on how we will be attending and what we’ll do to support. A week to the event, he told me, “My wife says she has other plans in mind so I think it will be very difficult for me to attend the wedding.” “She has plans? And that plan override what we’ve used months to discuss?” He said, “You know women and how they do their things. When you marry, you’ll understand.”

I went to the wedding alone. It was during the collection period that I saw someone that looked like Theresa. I looked at her side and saw Eddy next to her. I smiled at them and went to sit in my corner. At first, I was happy that they came but then it dawned on, “If they were going to come, then why didn’t they tell me?” When I asked Eddy, he said, “We didn’t know we were coming until the last minute.” After the wedding, he told me he had to go somewhere with his wife so I should take the lead.” All through the event, I tried to get Theresa to smile but she never did. It felt like she’s having issues with me.

And then my mother fell sick. I needed help with money. Something small to help me pay for her surgery. It was Eddy I turned to. I said, “My guy, mom is not well at all and I need help with money. Can you give me a loan? Two weeks later, I will pay.” He said, “Hmmm, I will talk to my wife and see if we could raise that amount.” I wasn’t shocked by his answer but I was shocked when he came back two days later to tell me, “We are not in the position to give that amount. I’ve been thinking about it, trying all I could but Theresa has something she’s doing and that is currently draining us.”

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Eddy is my childhood friend and I know when he’s trying to hide something. I said, “My guy, are you serious about this.” He couldn’t look at me in the face. His eyes were all over the place while he said no to me. That was the point I knew I had lost him. By God’s grace, my mom was able to pull through. Eddy’s mother came around several times to visit but not once did I see Eddy or his wife. They didn’t visit. They never called to ask about my mom. Obviously, they had moved on.

Some weeks ago, I called him in the evening and he didn’t pick. The next morning, I called him. He didn’t pick. I waited for days, he didn’t call back. I used another number to call him and he picked. I asked, “Eddy, what’s going on? Are we fighting?” He laughed and said, “You’re my brother, I can’t fight with you.” I asked, “You didn’t see my missed calls?” He said, “My wife was playing games on my phone when you called. I saw it later koraaa. Sorry, I forgot to call back.”

I’ve tried on several occasions to bring our friendship back in line but each time I pushed toward them, they push further backward. I know his wife is behind all that. But if she is the reason, then what did I do wrong to deserve such treatment?”

They had a son recently. I called to congratulate her but she didn’t pick. I called Eddy to congratulate him. The naming ceremony of the child, they invited everyone but I didn’t get an invite. I got to know about it through another friend. I feel I should move on without them but I don’t want to go silently. I want to walk to them and ask questions. I want to ask Theresa a lot of questions. I don’t know if that is a good idea. Please advise.

–K. Boateng

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