When we met, Angelica was a virgin. I was her first. I thought that meant everything I did would be enough for her. After all, she didn’t have anyone else to compare me to. Well, I was wrong. Along the line, she told me, “I want to experience what it feels like to be with other men.” I got angry and it turned into a fight. When we calmed down she said it was a joke so I let it go.

Another time she said the same thing again. I didn’t mean to get angry but I did. In my defense, I don’t think any man would take it lightly if their woman talked about being with other men. She knew this because I told her. That didn’t stop her from doing it though. Every now and then she would throw the words about casually, “I wish I could experience what other men feel like.” And every time she did, I would react in anger. 

I did my best to discourage her from pursuing that line of thought but eventually, her curiosity won. My girl got involved with three different men. My heart felt like it was on fire. I was so hurt but in the end, I loved her so much that I forgave her. 

We did our best to rebuild everything that was broken in the relationship. We stoked the dying embers of our love until a spark was ignited. Things got better. We even had more to celebrate when she got pregnant for me. What better to bind us together than the fruit of our love? The arrival of the baby marked another milestone in our journey. I was so sure that our future was secure. 

Then she enrolled in graduate school and started flirting with a guy from her class. She would always be on call with this guy. Whenever I asked her, “What’s going on with you and your classmate,” she would become aggressive. 

One time I chanced upon their messages. They had scheduled for her to visit the guy’s place so they would have sex. If not for my timely intervention, it would have happened. You should see how remorseful she was when I confronted her. “I am so sorry, I don’t know what came over me,” she apologised. As always, I forgave her. 

It wasn’t easy to put everything out of my mind but we resolved the issue and moved ahead. I thought we were fine until she called me recently and said, “I think we should break up.” This wasn’t the first time she was asking for a breakup out of the blue. Even before the pregnancy, she did. I always talked her out of it but this time around I was tired. I told her, “If you want a breakup you can go.”

She left only to return two days later with a change of heart. “I want us to try and make things work,” she proposed. The back and forth was too much. So I made it clear to her, “I can’t be with someone who doesn’t know what she wants. Today you want me, tomorrow you will wake up and tell me we should break up. Which is it? Regardless of everything we’ve been through your indecisiveness is no longer welcome in this relationship.” Once again, her lips drooled with “I am sorry”s. I let it go and we carried on.

So imagine how I felt when I went through her phone later and found out that she was talking to another man. He is an old friend of hers. They flirted and exchanged photos that were set to view once. Just like in the other guy’s case, they planned to meet and do things to each other. She professed her love for him and told him, “I miss you so much. I can’t wait to see you.” It’s a good thing hearts don’t make sounds when they break. Mine would have been louder than the shatter of a plate on cold tiles. 

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I was too defeated to fight for her anymore. I told myself, “This time I won’t intervene. She should do whatever she wants.” Well, she went to his place three weeks ago and spent the night over there. I got to know after she did it. When I asked her about it she said, “Nothing happened. We just slept.” Regardless, I was heartbroken.

Her behaviour had me looking at other women differently. Mostly my closest female friends. They are well-to-do, well-behaved, intelligent, mature, and have exhibited enough traits for me to know that they are quality wife materials. Everything my baby mama is not. 

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Now I have gotten to a point where I am looking forward to going out with one of my female friends. Angelica thinks I forgave her after she went to spend the night with another man and claimed nothing happened, but as far as I am concerned, I am out. The relationship is over for me. I only see her as the mother of my child. 

My problem now is how to start a new relationship. The women I have been studying all share the traits I listed earlier. And these are things I look for in a woman. So I am not sure which of them to choose yet. I am also not sure if it is a good idea to move from this relationship and immediately go to the next one. I am still figuring all these things out. As soon as I make a decision, my baby mama will finally get a taste of everything she put me through. 

— Jerry

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