Atsu and I have been together for the past three years. He is the kind of man I have always dreamed of. Almost perfect in every way. We have a daughter who is only half a year old. We are not married but he insisted I move in together. So we all live together like a family. We are the perfect family most of the time. His people have met my family officially and performed the knocking rites. We are putting everything in place to get married as soon as possible.
In the past, the prospect of marrying the father of my child would have made me happy. How could it not? He is the kindest man I have ever been with. He has taken good care of me since we met. He would sell the clothes on his back to make sure that our daughter and I are comfortable. I am not just talking about our financial needs. He takes care of my soul. This man treats me with respect. He has never raised his voice at me. Not even in anger.
If we disagree on something and I am even the one at fault, he communicates his displeasure with me politely and respectfully. I am three years older than him but I know that’s not why he is so respectful toward me. That’s just the kind of person he is.
One thing that he did that I can never forget. When I was pregnant, I was constantly sick. No matter how bad it got, he was by my side. He would take me to the hospital and stay glued to me till I was discharged. Even my family couldn’t stick with me like that. It was at that point that I knew he loved me.
Everything was fine until he started showing a certain side of himself that I never knew existed. This wonderful man I trusted so much is cheating on me with so many women. He pays them money to send him nudes and he even pays them for shuperu sometimes. The thought that the man I was planning to spend the rest of my life with, pays money in exchange for sexual favours is disheartening.
He has joined a lot of groups on Facebook just to meet women. He would go out with them at night and return in the morning. I went through his phone and found out things were worse than I thought. He was keeping a relationship with fifteen women. He flirts with some of them and sends his nudes to others.
After seeing what I was walking into, I reported him to my mother and godfather. They couldn’t believe it either. My mother assured me, “We will talk to him. Don’t do anything rush.” By that, she meant I shouldn’t leave him. When they spoke to him he was remorseful. And he promised them that he would change. They didn’t know the full story so they easily bought his sorry tales.
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They advised me, “Leaving a man because he cheats is like refusing to sleep because there’s death. Cheating is normal for men. So just stay with him. He is not a bad man. He takes good care of you.” The thing is, even if I leave him I don’t have anywhere to go with our daughter.
Atsu has been on his knees since I threatened to leave him. He tells me, “I know you are disappointed in me. I get it. I am also disappointed in myself. Please, if you give me another chance I will make things right. I will never stray again.”
It All Started From A Whatsapp Message | Kingsley & Lydia
I want to move past what he did but when I remember the messages I saw, my heart hurts. The pain I feel is unbearable. But like my family said, he is my strongest support system. I want to forgive him but I am scared that he may not change.
So I am asking, do men like him ever change? Or is this going to be the rest of my life if I change?
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—Aku
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My dear men like him can change. It takes a sincere heart and a renewed mind to do so. Just forgive him and give him a second chance. But make sure he gets tested for any sexually contracted disease. Your health first before anything else apart from God. Remember to trust your fellow men as humans so you won’t end up disappointed. Humans will always disappoint you. So this disappointment is nothing new.
Cheating is not normal for men. Don’t buy into that lie and deception. For the change, he may or may not change. You should forgive him whether he changes or not. But as to whether you should spend the rest of your life with him, that depends solely on you. Ask yourself that if he doesn’t change, can you live with him forever? If yes then I ask for strength for you. If no, start packing bag and baggage and move on. God will help you
No, not every men cheat in their relationship. So cheating is not normal for men. Believe it or not, there are still guys out there who love their significant others so much they’d never cheat. You can forgive me and if you choose to do so and also spend the rest of your life with him, TBH, it’s solely on you and only you have that decision to make. Yes. Men like him can change. Trust your partner until he gives you a reason not to trust him. Don’t unnecessarily go looking for things you truly don’t want to know as the situation will reveal itself. What someone does in the dark always comes to light.