The day my boyfriend introduced me to his mom as the woman in his life, his mom wasn’t enthused. She was quiet the whole time. That made me feel like she didn’t like me. I asked my boyfriend, “Do you have issues with your mom or she doesn’t like that I’m your girlfriend?” He answered, “Don’t worry about her. She would warm up towards you as time goes by.”

My boyfriend spoke highly of his mom and I thought if there was someone I had to impress, it was the mother but I wasn’t going to push it. A day at a time and everything would be fine. I kept visiting the house and mostly bought her a gift when I was going there. I didn’t seek to push it. She was a clever woman, she would have known my intention and maybe coiled. A few months later, she started talking to me and asking about my family and upbringing. I spoke honestly to her and I could see in her eyes that indeed she was warming up to me.

I remember one morning I woke up and saw a missed call on my phone. The person called me around 5:30am when I was busily sleeping. I called the number back and she said, “This aunty Maggie, your in-law.” I smiled cheerfully and told her how happy I was for her to call me and asked why she called that early morning. She said, “It looks like you’ve not been here for the past one week. I’m beginning to worry. Are you having issues with my son?” I laughed and said, “Nooo, mom. We are good. Just that I’m not in town. I traveled to see my parents and I should return tomorrow.”

She gave a sigh of relief and said, “He said you’d traveled but I didn’t believe him so I took your number from him to confirm. Safe journey when coming.” From that day on, we began calling each other, asking about each other’s health and all. She will ask me, “I hope my son is treating you well?” I will tell her, “He has been the best man in my life so far and I’m happy to have him.” Sometimes, the way she spoke to me made me feel like there was something she wasn’t telling me. There was always something unsaid in her voice but I couldn’t push her.

One evening, I went to visit while my boyfriend was away. The plan was for me to wait for him at his house so we go out. I think that was when our relationship was about a year and a half old. The mother came to me in the room and picked a conversation with me. She told me how good a person I am and how she’s happy to see me around his son. She said, “The truth is, you’re not the first person he has introduced to me as the woman in his life. They come and soon disappear. There have been good ones. A lot of good women who come and just when I’m becoming friends with them, they go and don’t come back. I don’t think the fault was from them. My son hasn’t been good but ever since you came around, he looks responsible and acts maturely. Whatever you’re doing with him, continue because I want to see my grandchildren very soon.”

I understood her need for grandchildren. My boyfriend was her only child and she raised him singlehandedly. They have never been apart from each other. That was why after all those years she continue living with my boyfriend. She wanted grandchildren to replace her son but for so long, her son had not had a reason to settle down. She saw me as her last chance to make her dreams happen. And honestly, We had dated for close to two years and we had had no reason to fight or break up and come together again. To me, he was a good man but his mother knew more than me.

Three years after dating, we were ready to get married. His mom was the first person we told about our intentions to get married. That day, this woman lied on the floor and raised her hands up thanking God for our decision to marry. “My daughter, you’ve honored me. I knew you would be the one. If you like pick me as the maid of honor, anything you want me to do, I will do it.” She was so happy she couldn’t contain herself. My boyfriend told me later, “If I knew getting married would have made her this happy, we would have married last year. I’ve never seen her this happy in a very long while.”

I think four or five months before our wedding, My in-law called and asked, “Were you here last night?” I said, “No, I wasn’t. I didn’t close from work early yesterday so I couldn’t pass by.” She said, “Ahuh, I saw someone like you and I was surprised you would come around and won’t say hello to me. Then it was my mind playing tricks on me.” A week later she called me, “You’ve come around?” I said, “No, I’m in my house.” Then she hung up. I called my boyfriend and he did not pick. I called the mother again and she didn’t pick. What’s happening?”

Minutes later, I saw her call coming in. When I picked she said, “I just walked in on that good for nothing boyfriend of yours. He’s sleeping with another woman in your room.” I saw them. Both naked. On the bed. If you can come around. They are both sitting on the bed as I’m making this call. In fact, they hear me talking to you.” Then I heard my boyfriend’s voice in the background asking his mom why she was doing that.” I was so devastated I didn’t know what to do or say. The mother screamed, “Just come and see them with your own eyes.”

It was late. I knew if I tried going there I wouldn’t meet them. I called my boyfriend several times and he didn’t pick. The gravity of what the mom said started paralyzing me emotionally. But why? What did I do wrong? Why would he do such a thing in a period like this? Four months to our wedding?

Early the next morning, I was at the gate. He was still sleeping when I got there. It was his mother who came to open the door. I ran to his room immediately and the first question was why? “Tell me your mother was lying.” Her mother entered. She said, “Tell her I’m lying. Tell her I didn’t see what I saw.” He was fumbling. He started stuttering. It looked like there was nothing more he could say. I sat in the room thinking of what next to do. When his mother left, he came to me, “Please forgive me. I don’t know what came over me.” I asked, “Since when have you been seeing her?” How many times have you been doing this with her?” He couldn’t answer. I was in tears and my heart racing like I’d run a marathon.

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I left his room with blurry thoughts. When I got out, her mother met me on the way. She said, “That’s exactly what his father did and I left him. He traveled and came home with a child—a child he had with another woman. He thought I was going to play it soft. That same day, I left the marriage. My daughter, they are like lambs when you catch them. Forgive them and they become lions in the game. I won’t say leave him. I will say he’ll repeat it in the future when you forgive him now. He’s my son. I like him more than you do but you’re a woman just like me so I won’t let you fall in a trap you can’t get out.”

He called several times to apologize. I discussed the issue with the pastor who was counseling us. He said, “Don’t leave what God has prepared for you just because of single infidelity. Stay and fight for your man. Don’t let the intruder win. If you leave anytime there’s infidelity, you’ll never settle down because it’s everywhere.” There were so many questions I’d wanted to ask him, some of which he might have thought was an insult. I didn’t ask. 

I gave myself enough time to go through the pain, forgive him, heal completely so I can decide for myself what to do. In the end, I walked out. So many months later, his mom tells me he still comes around with the same girl every now and then. I thank God for healing and the spirit of moving on. I’ve moved on completely and now enjoying a fulfilling relationship with a man who understands the value of commitment and trust.   

—Cindy